To not care that he's a 'different man now' (triggers sexual assault)

[TheKrakenSmith]

So when I was 14/15, on and off until I was 17, I was dating this awful guy. He hit me fairly frequently, and once attacked me at our school gates. I finally managed to steel myself to end things when he raped me (not violent, blackmail, so I was told it wasn't actually rape, so I'm super sorry if that's the wrong word to use, but I was seriously coerced).
Cut to 7 years later, he's just tried to add me on Facebook. I've been married for two years, and had been working hard on dealing with my past, the abuse from this boy being part of it.
I thought he was blocked, but apparently not, and he messaged me explaining that we should put the past behind us, that no one was to blame for what happened (this is thematic of him, he always says it was my fault too because I 'teased' or I 'made' him angry). He says he's grown up and engaged and is different now.
AIBU to not give a flying fuck that he's different? Even if he is, I still get the final say on who is in my life right?
Sorry for typos/formatting, I'm on mobile.

[FloweringDeranger]

He can't take the violence in your past away, and saying that "it was no one's fault" doesn't even try to cut it. Block, ignore, anyone who thinks his violence was perfectly excusable is no friend to you and should be similarly blocked and ignored.

[TheKrakenSmith]

I'm feeling much better now. I replied saying,
your fiancé is a rapist. He attacked me and blackmailed and threatened my well being and sometimes my life for three years. I am not here to help his guilt, if he feels any. He has not told you the truth, because I don't think he understands the truth. If you continue this relationship, understand you are doing so with a rapist. If you find any other way of contacting me I will be instructing a solicitor.

The solicitor bit is true, actually, because I have several friends who could do that for me, I believe he knows this and I'm sure someone could knock out a scary looking letter for me.
Thank you for the words of support, it means the world. I feel like I'm doing OK for my age, I just want to draw a line over my childhood and make the best of now.

[Crazycatladyloz82]

If the cockhead had of got in touch to beg and plead for your forgiveness and owned up to his behaviour maybe it would be a different conversation. As the survivor of an abusive childhood I can assure you silence hurts far more than words. Ignore dickface and his unfortunate fiance who is probably his latest punch bag and under his spell. x

[FloweringDeranger]

You are doing magnificently, not just ok!

[SmileEachDay]

Great reply TheKraken - you've efficiently and honestly closed that down.

Do something particularly nice for yourself today.

[confuugled1]

Fantastic reply OP. Here's hoping it shuts them both down completely.

[ItsCakeTime]

@TheKrakenSmith that is the prefect reply

[TheKrakenSmith]

They seem to have given up bar a message to my friend that 'She's more mine (abusive wanker) than she'll ever be yours (my friend)'.
Does that make anyone kinda squicky? Like there's some dude, miles away from me, that still somehow sees me as his property?? What even. My friend has blocked him now, as has my husband, pre-emptively. Thank you for all the support, it feels amazing to be validated.

[Florida28]

Are u sure it was his fiancé who sent u that message? No possibility of it being him? Anyway u've blocked both. Well done you I hope he is crippled with guilt and both u and ur husband have a fantastic future without that freak bothering u

[Aeroflotgirl]

How arrogant of him. Typical abuser behaviour, he's not changed one bit. If he had he would leave you well alone, or apologise. He's been asking about you through your friend. Nasty man.

[AristotlesTrousers]

Well done The KrakenSmith, you're a star.

So sorry you encountered such a cunt. I have a similar person in my past (although we were never in a relationship). He even had the cheek to go to our school reunion last year and trades on being a 'nice guy'. These people are the scum of the earth.

Just make sure to look after your own wellbeing and leave him to fester in his own guilt.

[PoorYorick]

I wonder if his fiance knows he's still making claims on his ex.

You handled it perfectly, OP. Now dump the pair of them like the load of shit that they are and stride on ahead with your promising life. Godspeed.

[MrsTwix]

Well done, you've handled a very difficult situation so well.