My mum won't see my son

[rainbowsockstoday]

This is more a question of Is My Mum Being Unreasonable rather than me. My son has been ill this week and in and out of hospital. Usually my mum sees him once a week and obviously she hasn't this week because he has been glued to my side. He's not contagious (I've slept in his bed all week) but my mum has a weak immune system so I've made sure none of us go near her just in case. However she has decided that it's me who has made him ill and that she's noticed he is worse now I am back at work. She's said she won't see us again now till I stop breastfeeding and filling him with germs. I've explained that bf isn't making him ill buts she's very against me feeding him (he's 2) and has now said that we are banned till I stop this "disgusting habit" that's making him and her ill. She was diagnosed with vertigo this week and blames my son because he's ill too. He has a water infection!

Is she wrong? Should I do what she says? Bf is the only thing that has kept him going this week as he's too poorly to eat.

[Crunchymum]

Has this just cropped up now or has she always had issues about you breastfeeding?

[Nanny0gg]

I partially blame the fact we weren't feeding properly on him getting ill because I felt guilty about not keeping him going

Nonsense. He's 2. He'll catch stuff and breastfeeding won't prevent that now.

Just do it because you want to and stop when you don't.

[googietheegg]

I'd say that you're happier to not see her than to stop feeding your child.

[UppityHumpty]

2 year olds are grotty. Should be more worried about you catching something from him while bfing (not the other way around).

[Pigface1]

Little children get ill. Breastfeeding does not make them ill. She is wrong but I also think it's very cruel to accuse a parent of making their child ill (unless they're actually, you know, feeding their child poison). So yes, she is being unreasonable.

I can sympathise with you because my MIL suffers from this sort of health anxiety and will randomly decide that things I'm doing are making my DH ill. Not as bad as what you are experiencing of course but I can imagine how infuriating it is for you!!

[frumpet]

Rainbow , him dropping a couple of feeds won't have made him ill at 2 years old , he will be eating and drinking lots of other things too by this stage .

[Astro55]

Just keep away! You don't need that negativity!

[TheMysteriousJackelope]

If he is getting a rash from the antibiotics, please tell his doctor now. I got hives after a few days of antibiotics. I mentioned it in passing to my doctor the next time I saw her and she said I was developing an allergy and the next reaction could be a lot more serious. I have to tell doctors now to ensure they don't prescribe that particular antibiotic for me again.

If your mother won't see your DS I'd leave her to it. She has a compromised immune system so I can understand her being cautious, but she's making up a load of crap to justify it and deflect it onto you when 'I'm really worried I'm going to get what he has' would cover it.

[glueandstick]

Toddles are germ filled creatures. It's in their job description.

Don't listen to your mother. She's nuts

[diddl]

If she can't bear to watch you feed a 2yr old she should just own it!

Wouldn't have thought he feeds much at that age anyway.

[DoloresTheRunawayTrain]

I wouldn't bother contacting her again tbh.
This is just the start and now she has fixated on your DS as a germ harbourer he will forever be a germ harbourer responsible for destroying her health.
You will always be a sub-standard parent for allowing him into an environment where he can pick things up.
When he goes to nursery and school he will be around other children and until his immune system gets used to it he will pick up everything and pass it around. How do you think she is going to cope then? How will your son as he will then be at an age where her attitude will be noted by him?
I can understand her worrying about her health due to having a compromised immune system but she is lining up to blame your Ds for a lifetime of bugs that could have been picked up from anywhere and that will damage his self-confidence and make him think he is responsible for anyone ever getting ill.

[ShakingAndShocked]

'Vertigo is a problem with the fluid level in the inner ear that causes balance.'

It's also a symptom of SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome and Vestibular Migraines (where fluid levels per se are still stable) to name but a couple of others so not just the above.

OP Whilst I feel for you, I can't help but wonder if your DM is ok? Is she prone to health hysteria or could she genuinely have something going on with her? If former d'you think she'd countenance getting any kind of help and if latter, is it worth encouraging her to see her GP

[rainbowsockstoday]

My mum comes from stock of being anti bf. From day one my grandmother would utter her disgust and leave the roof when my newborn wanted feeding. She has since told me he will turn into a sexual predator because he has unhealthy views of women now 😂🤣😂

My grandma also said she wouldn't attend my wedding if DC was going to be fed in front of her. As I was the only one bf at the wedding I agreed because I knew I could just feed him when she wasn't around. Plus it wasn't like I was going to pop them out when I was saying my vows! Our church is lovely about bf and even has a special area with comfy chairs but I think that would have been a bit much and he managed without for an hour!

My mum has always said I would make a terrible parent because she says I can't look after myself (I had quite a few MH issues several years ago). This is probably her way of getting me down. The thing is my step dad and sister who are normally supportive have agreed with her that I've gone a bit too far with the bf.

[Caken]

She's wrong (about bf) and she's being nasty. Let her stay away for your own benefit! Feed your boy until you and he are ready to stop.

[MadameJosephine]

Sounds like you are better off without her visiting tbh, she sounds horrible

[rainbowsockstoday]

I'll admit that ONCE he was the source of a really nasty cold that everyone got. I was fine and dandy but DS, DH, DM, DSis, DFiL and my step dad all fell victim to his snot. DS got over it in 48hrs but everyone else was poorly for ages.

She's not prone to health panics but she has blamed me for stuff all my life and I worry she's moving onto my DC as well.

[Bettercallsaul1]

Oh dear, OP - with a family like yours, who needs enemies? It's so depressing to hear other women calling breastfeeding disgusting. I think you have been amazingly forbearing with the lot of them.

[WittgensteinsCat]

Filling him with germs? That's some rather bizarre thinking.

Breastmilk is absolutely the best thing for poorly little ones.

Has she always been negative about you breastfeeding? It could be, as others have said, that she feels sad about not being so successful herself. But she shouldn't be dumping that on you.

You carry on doing what you're doing as that's the best for your little one.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Your mother is a fuckwit. Her opinion is irrelevant. Keep on doing what you think is best.

[DoloresTheRunawayTrain]

Going by what you have revealed in subsequent posts and the way you seem to feel you have to justify your own choices to other posters (in general as nobody has asked the questions you seem to be answering) You yourself have been substantially damaged by your mothers attitude. Yes, you are correct she is starting in on him. Imagine how you felt growing up and how you still feel now to a certain extent. Do you want that for your son?
A member of your family said your son is going to grow up to become a sexual predator and you can stand to have them and their damaging attitude around him?
Your GM did a number on your DM (she seems to have similar you are substandard vibes), who in turn did a number on you. They are now zeroing in on your son. You need to sort this lifetime of being told you aren't good enough and become a tigress where your son is concerned and break this unhealthy cycle.

[popcornpatty]

I'm still breastfeeding my 23 year old, i was aiming for 2 years but can't see us stopping anytime soon. For us it has some disadvantages such as her being with only me all the time but the positives vastly outweigh the negatives.

My child has an autoimmune condition and takes medicine that reduces her immune system, she picks ups infections and colds easily. Breastfeeding has been a godsend when she is ill and wanting comfort or off her food. And as a previous​ poster says I have read that it helps to fight infection.

I have had family members comment about it but we are happy and it works for us. Do what works for you x

[Astro55]

Wow!!!!!

[rainbowsockstoday]

I'll agree she has a large amount of fuckwittery about her but thus far it has always been directed to me. She also makes sure she's an absolute angel when my DH is around so he thinks I'm overreacting when I say things because the brief times he's there are always big family gatherings and I blend in better so she doesn't bother with me.

Her visits with DC are supervised and I'm careful to feed away from her. As pp have said though he's eating and drinking other foods so it's not constant and he knows now that he asks when we are doing something away from her.

Sorry I justify myself a lot. I just don't want people thinking I am stupid or just letting her make my decisions. She told me a year ago at Christmas it was time to stop

[rainbowsockstoday]

@popcornpatty 23! That's impressive. I'm assuming she still lives at home...

[VeryButchyRestingFace]

My mum comes from stock of being anti bf. From day one my grandmother would utter her disgust and leave the roof when my newborn wanted feeding. She has since told me he will turn into a sexual predator because he has unhealthy views of women now 😂🤣😂

I wouldn't let either of them within a million miles of my child.