'You don't look disabled' - asking for your best comebacks.

[MycatsaPirate]

I have a blue badge and drove to the shops today to get about 6 things. I parked in a disabled bay. A man in the passenger seat in the next car plus an older man in the car in front were both staring at me. The older man kept looking into his car and then back at me, he was saying something to the driver and then kept staring at me. They had just arrived and he wasn't moving away from the car. Clearly he was waiting for me to get out so he could lambast me for parking in a blue badge bay (and no he wasn't waiting for anyone else, as soon as I put the blue badge up and got out he walked off).

So I get this alot - you don't look disabled!

Well no, I probably don't because I have all my limbs and I assume that a vast majority of disabilities are invisible. So here are my best comebacks. Please share yours and feel free to steal any you like for future use!

• Thank you! I try not to let my disability define me as a person.
  

• oh! What DOES a disabled person look like?
  

• Well, you don't look like you say stupid things but you just did! Looks are deceptive aren't they?
  

Frustrated with pain today - not grumpy - just tired.

[NutellaLawson]

While it is annoying, don't you also think it's in way quite helpful that other people care enough to 'police' those spaces even if they themselves are not entitled to use them. They are maintaining a public shaming that keeps selfish bastards out of those spaces.

What I'm trying to say, clumsily, is their checking up and judging people parking there my well have helped to keep that space clear (and others) by maintaining public shaming for misuse. They didn't know you really were entitled and backed down once you had said. There's no call to be rude to them.

[MycatsaPirate]

LovingLola My point is that they looked at me (relatively young looking, not looking like the elephant man and driving a sports car) and made the assumption that I was stopping there without good reason. No looks at the old lady who also stopped there. Just the death stare at me. It's the assumption that I don't look disabled.

writer that's bloody brilliant. I love it!!

[MycatsaPirate]

nutella I wasn't rude to anyone. In fact I smiled at both of them while I was sat in the car putting the windows up and then had to root through my bag for my badge.

They were also both in blue badge bays. The driver of the car to my right was not there. The passenger was just sat in the car. I presume it was his wife/driver who had the disability as if it was him then it was misuse of the badge if he wasn't getting out.

I have no issue with pulling people up if they walk off without putting a blue badge on the windscreen. In fact I once left a note on a window of a 4x4 so badly parked in a disabled bay that I actually struggled to get into my car and out of my bay because it was over the chevron. My note said 'this space is for those with a blue badge, not for those who are unable to park - buy a smaller car'.

[MycatsaPirate]

bum It's why I like self-service checkout. As long as I'm only buying a few things then I use that. I have got to know the staff in my local store and that helps. I hate having to make small talk to random strangers though. Unless they are babies/toddlers. I quite like them.

[chickensaresafehere]

Haven't been challenged yet.My dd (10) has a rare chromosome disorder & she has a blue badge.
But I have been told by my oldest dd (17) that even when I'm not trying I have a face that says 'DO NOT FUCK WITH ME,unless you want your day to go downhill fast!!!'
So that probably helps

[Bumbumtaloo]

MycatsaPirate I'm quite lucky because I was a resting bitch face and it would seem for many that they don't want to talk to me but I still get a few who insist on talking to me - usually with the lovely "cheer up, it might never happen" once on a very bad day - had yet another shitty diagnosis - I actually just burst into tears. I don't actually know who was more surprised me, them or DH.

I love self service!

[corythatwas]

"The spots themselves could do with putting up signs stating that not all disabilities are visible. Then I think you would find less people giving the death stare to people with invisible disabilities using the spots."

Not so sure. We were still getting "she doesn't look disabled" from dd's school a good 3 years after we had submitted the medical evidence.

I think it's part of the recent atmosphere of fear, fear that disabled people are somehow out to get us, to take advantage of us, the feeling that they must be checked carefully for any signs of the lurking impostor, because being taken advantage of is somehow dangerous.

(I have sometimes wondered how much danger you could actually get into, as a non-disabled person, by accidentally giving up your seat on the bus or ceding a parking space to somebody who did not 100% deserve it, but as so often in life the actual danger of an action bears little relation to the perceived danger)

[Teabagtits]

I always reply "you don't look ignorant, guess we're both wrong"

There isn't a week goes by where I don't use that retort. Sad really

[WorshipTheGourd]

I left a note for my GP's wife who persistently parked in the only blue badge space in the school car park (long way from road). She knew that there was one person on double crutches, one in a wheelchair, and one dying of cancer and really ill. They were all her dh' patients and it all well known in the small community. Plus she had eyes. Shameful. Odd too, as she was otherwise a nice woman.

[DriveInSaturday]

The disabled toilets in the Manchester Arndale centre have signs on the doors that say 'Not all disabilities are visible'. I've not seen this anywhere else yet, but hope it will spread.

[DriveInSaturday]

The disabled toilets in the Manchester Arndale centre have signs on the doors reading 'Not all disabilities are visible'. It would be great if more places did this.

[DriveInSaturday]

Sorry thought I had deleted rather than posted!

[Polarbearflavour]

Transport for London are rolling out "please offer me a seat" badges - like the existing baby on board badges. It will be interesting to hear if badge wearers get asked what's wrong with them. I took part in the trial and was never asked.

tfl.gov.uk/campaign/please-offer-me-a-seat?intcmp=41947

[RhodaBorrocks]

I've found 'if you think I'm doing anything wrong, report me' shuts them up

Not in my case. I had one guy write my regards number down and threaten to report me to the DVLA. I called him a 'stupid little man' because the DVLA don't even deal with blue badges.

Although I did try to hand my phone to the guy who threatened to report me to the council and offered him my badge to give them the number. It even has my bloody picture on it and he still didn't believe me.

I've told people they don't look stupid before now. Told someone who told me I shouldn't be wearing heels that they shouldn't be wearing that colour, but my favourite was when someone asked me what was wrong with me - "Put my back out lifting my medical records." I got the idea from one of my consultants who said if I had any more operations he'd need a forklift to get my notes to clinic!

That reminds me, my badge expires in 8 weeks, better get it renewed now as I'm having another op in 9 weeks and will need it!

[RhodaBorrocks]

*registration number. FFS, autocorrect!

[Lilyoftheforest]

I would completely ignore anyone saying something like that next time.

One thing attention seeking trouble makers loathe is being ignored.

[Sidge]

I haven't been challenged often, but a few times I've had comments.

One man said sneerily "You don't look disabled". I smiled sweetly and said "I'm not". He then started ranting and raving about selfish inconsiderate people abusing spaces - when he stopped I said "But my daughter is - and if you'd looked you would see the Blue Badge on the dashboard".

Another time coming out of a pub where we'd been to a wedding reception - a young guy shouted I should at least pretend to limp if I parked in the disabled space. I went up and said "actually my daughter is the disabled one - she's in the car. Would you like to meet her?" To be fair he blushed, babbled an apology and when I explained that not all disabilities are visible and don't just affect old people he took it on board and said he'd been an idiot.

[bettytaghetti]

MycatsaPirate, I think what Nutella was trying to say earlier is that maybe it's a good thing that people are prepared to challenge because hopefully that discourages those chancers out there, who would otherwise block the spaces for those genuinely in need, because most of us probably do know someone who flouts or bends the rules.
I know someone who quite proudly told me how she always invites her relative with a child who has a disability whenever she goes to a theme park or some other tourist attraction, as they get priority access on all the rides. When her son was diagnosed with diabetes, she then used this as a reason that they weren't able to queue.
This thread serves a good reminder to us all that not all disabilities are visible.
Ps. I love your comebacks!
Pps. The tourettes one was fantastic too!

[riobruins]

I've never had any comments like that, mainly because tourettes isn't the most subtle thing ever. I've had a few comments about the coprolalia (the swearing). Do you really think I would be saying those things if I had any control over it, because I bloody well wouldn't. That usually shuts them up, if me apologising and saying I have tourettes doesn't.

For those who are laughing at or using the tourettes thing, do you actually have tourettes or are you just using it as a joke. It's one thing for someone with tourettes to joke about it but it's another thing for others to use it as a joke, especially with the swearing. It's fucking shit to have swear words and derogatory comments to come out your mouth when you have no control over them and don't even agree with them in the slightest. I don't see why people think it's acceptable to use that.

And another thing, those who are saying it's the legs that don't work not the brain or you don't look mentally disabled or words to that effect, please reconsider. It comes across as saying don't treat me like that but it's fine to treat them like that. It's not acceptable to treat anyone like that so don't, whether inadvertently or not, say that it is.

[Toysaurus]

I've used the ATOS one before or ask them if they've got their medical degree from the Internet. Once I said fuck off because every day is a fight and I can't be arsed to get into it. And once, oh goody, my favourite game of disability top trumps. I'm not disabled but my child is and I'm pig sick of the daily abuse he gets so I'm following this one to add to the repertoire

[MycatsaPirate]

rio The one thing I did notice on the few occasions that I've used a wheelchair is that I literally seem to be invisible to everyone except my family. In queues, being served - they talk to my dp not me. It's very frustrating! And I have mental health problems as well and I do understand what you mean but the general consensus is that people in wheelchairs frequently get overlooked by those around us and tend to talk to the person pushing it.

I don't think on a thread about disabilities we should be arguing (this isn't pointed at your rio).

We are all affected in one way or another whether it's because we are questioned about whether our claims to be disabled are valid because they are invisible or whether it's because with an obvious disability we ourselves become invisible

[Toysaurus]

I spent six months in a wheelchair once. It was eye opening. My top moment was being wheeled out of the way by a shopper in Asda because she wanted to look at what I was looking at. Was too shocked to come back with anything.

[MycatsaPirate]

Toy I'd like to say that's shocking but I've heard similar stories.

[Toysaurus]

I'm feeling awful about myself because on Tuesday I got off a bus at a busy bus stop and my heavy bag swung round my shoulder and hit a lady in the wheelchair in the face. I apologised straight away but have felt like a total wanker since because the look on her face showed she was used to it.

[JumpingJellybeanz]

I never say anything. I tune them out and completely ignore them and carry on as normal. I think this is because I have autism and when under attack I kind of shut down and couldn't interact even if I wanted to.

This is not a good way to respond. I've learn the hard way that ignoring them is the worst thing you can do. It enrages them and can lead to violence. I am absolutely terrified when someone approaches me now.