'You don't look disabled' - asking for your best comebacks.

[MycatsaPirate]

I have a blue badge and drove to the shops today to get about 6 things. I parked in a disabled bay. A man in the passenger seat in the next car plus an older man in the car in front were both staring at me. The older man kept looking into his car and then back at me, he was saying something to the driver and then kept staring at me. They had just arrived and he wasn't moving away from the car. Clearly he was waiting for me to get out so he could lambast me for parking in a blue badge bay (and no he wasn't waiting for anyone else, as soon as I put the blue badge up and got out he walked off).

So I get this alot - you don't look disabled!

Well no, I probably don't because I have all my limbs and I assume that a vast majority of disabilities are invisible. So here are my best comebacks. Please share yours and feel free to steal any you like for future use!

• Thank you! I try not to let my disability define me as a person.
  

• oh! What DOES a disabled person look like?
  

• Well, you don't look like you say stupid things but you just did! Looks are deceptive aren't they?
  

Frustrated with pain today - not grumpy - just tired.

[MycatsaPirate]

rio It's fine, it's words on a screen and there's no way of telling how they are meant to come across. We are all guilty of misreading something that's not there and I'm sorry if I also came across as touchy.

All I totally agree. All of us on this thread are affected by disability and shouldn't be mocking other disabilities to get at others who are having a go at them. I am so sorry you have to deal with this on behalf of your son. My dd has facial tics, nowhere near as bad as your son but she is under assessment for autism and I don't know whether that's part of it or something else. She is a beautiful girl who just can't help doing it. It doesn't make her a lesser person any more than it makes your son a lesser person!

I think this thread has opened my eyes to a lot of things I didn't really understand and I thank everyone for sharing the things they have to deal with.

[jmh740]

Driveinsunday our local asda have a similar sign.

Oh was shouted at by a woman last week for parking in a disabled bay (at asda) it was the first time it had happened and he was really upset about it I'll show him this thread to give him some ideas. Even after he had said he had a invisible disability and showed her his blue badge she told him he shouldn't have it because he could walk!

[riobruins]

mycatsapirate sorry if it came across a touch off that wasn't my intention. I was just trying to say that it's not acceptable to treat anyone like that so try not to inadvertently say that it's okay to treat mentally disabled people like that. I'm sure no one means it like that but it's just it how comes across.

I get the whole ignored thing albeit in a different way. I've had people just walk away when I've been trying to say something but can't stop ticcing long enough to get anything much out or told to shut up because you're just wasting my time. It's exceptionally disrespectful.

[AllThatGlistensIs]

With 2 of my DC having various disabilities, one being a wheelchair user and another diagnosis being Tourette's Syndrome, I get fucking sick of the stereotypical jokes surrounding it.

I shouldn't have bitten and responded because this is far too close to home for comfort, but I can assure you, my child does not suffer with the extremely rare Coprolalia.

His Tourette's affects him physically. He suffers with constant, uncontrollable facial tics, grimaces, snorts and flails his limbs around continually. He is stared at wherever we go, and I've been told on many occasions what a shame it is because he is such a bright, physically beautiful boy. Until he moves. Apparently.

He does not call people cunts and I wish people would perhaps think before cracking these jokes. It really, really isn't funny to so many of us who have to deal with this disability day in day out

[JumpingJellybeanz]

I never say anything. I tune them out and completely ignore them and carry on as normal. I think this is because I have autism and when under attack I kind of shut down and couldn't interact even if I wanted to.

This is not a good way to respond. I've learn the hard way that ignoring them is the worst thing you can do. It enrages them and can lead to violence. I am absolutely terrified when someone approaches me now.

[Toysaurus]

I'm feeling awful about myself because on Tuesday I got off a bus at a busy bus stop and my heavy bag swung round my shoulder and hit a lady in the wheelchair in the face. I apologised straight away but have felt like a total wanker since because the look on her face showed she was used to it.

[MycatsaPirate]

Toy I'd like to say that's shocking but I've heard similar stories.

[Toysaurus]

I spent six months in a wheelchair once. It was eye opening. My top moment was being wheeled out of the way by a shopper in Asda because she wanted to look at what I was looking at. Was too shocked to come back with anything.

[MycatsaPirate]

rio The one thing I did notice on the few occasions that I've used a wheelchair is that I literally seem to be invisible to everyone except my family. In queues, being served - they talk to my dp not me. It's very frustrating! And I have mental health problems as well and I do understand what you mean but the general consensus is that people in wheelchairs frequently get overlooked by those around us and tend to talk to the person pushing it.

I don't think on a thread about disabilities we should be arguing (this isn't pointed at your rio).

We are all affected in one way or another whether it's because we are questioned about whether our claims to be disabled are valid because they are invisible or whether it's because with an obvious disability we ourselves become invisible

[Toysaurus]

I've used the ATOS one before or ask them if they've got their medical degree from the Internet. Once I said fuck off because every day is a fight and I can't be arsed to get into it. And once, oh goody, my favourite game of disability top trumps. I'm not disabled but my child is and I'm pig sick of the daily abuse he gets so I'm following this one to add to the repertoire

[riobruins]

I've never had any comments like that, mainly because tourettes isn't the most subtle thing ever. I've had a few comments about the coprolalia (the swearing). Do you really think I would be saying those things if I had any control over it, because I bloody well wouldn't. That usually shuts them up, if me apologising and saying I have tourettes doesn't.

For those who are laughing at or using the tourettes thing, do you actually have tourettes or are you just using it as a joke. It's one thing for someone with tourettes to joke about it but it's another thing for others to use it as a joke, especially with the swearing. It's fucking shit to have swear words and derogatory comments to come out your mouth when you have no control over them and don't even agree with them in the slightest. I don't see why people think it's acceptable to use that.

And another thing, those who are saying it's the legs that don't work not the brain or you don't look mentally disabled or words to that effect, please reconsider. It comes across as saying don't treat me like that but it's fine to treat them like that. It's not acceptable to treat anyone like that so don't, whether inadvertently or not, say that it is.

[bettytaghetti]

MycatsaPirate, I think what Nutella was trying to say earlier is that maybe it's a good thing that people are prepared to challenge because hopefully that discourages those chancers out there, who would otherwise block the spaces for those genuinely in need, because most of us probably do know someone who flouts or bends the rules.
I know someone who quite proudly told me how she always invites her relative with a child who has a disability whenever she goes to a theme park or some other tourist attraction, as they get priority access on all the rides. When her son was diagnosed with diabetes, she then used this as a reason that they weren't able to queue.
This thread serves a good reminder to us all that not all disabilities are visible.
Ps. I love your comebacks!
Pps. The tourettes one was fantastic too!

[Sidge]

I haven't been challenged often, but a few times I've had comments.

One man said sneerily "You don't look disabled". I smiled sweetly and said "I'm not". He then started ranting and raving about selfish inconsiderate people abusing spaces - when he stopped I said "But my daughter is - and if you'd looked you would see the Blue Badge on the dashboard".

Another time coming out of a pub where we'd been to a wedding reception - a young guy shouted I should at least pretend to limp if I parked in the disabled space. I went up and said "actually my daughter is the disabled one - she's in the car. Would you like to meet her?" To be fair he blushed, babbled an apology and when I explained that not all disabilities are visible and don't just affect old people he took it on board and said he'd been an idiot.

[Lilyoftheforest]

I would completely ignore anyone saying something like that next time.

One thing attention seeking trouble makers loathe is being ignored.

[RhodaBorrocks]

*registration number. FFS, autocorrect!

[RhodaBorrocks]

I've found 'if you think I'm doing anything wrong, report me' shuts them up

Not in my case. I had one guy write my regards number down and threaten to report me to the DVLA. I called him a 'stupid little man' because the DVLA don't even deal with blue badges.

Although I did try to hand my phone to the guy who threatened to report me to the council and offered him my badge to give them the number. It even has my bloody picture on it and he still didn't believe me.

I've told people they don't look stupid before now. Told someone who told me I shouldn't be wearing heels that they shouldn't be wearing that colour, but my favourite was when someone asked me what was wrong with me - "Put my back out lifting my medical records." I got the idea from one of my consultants who said if I had any more operations he'd need a forklift to get my notes to clinic!

That reminds me, my badge expires in 8 weeks, better get it renewed now as I'm having another op in 9 weeks and will need it!

[Polarbearflavour]

Transport for London are rolling out "please offer me a seat" badges - like the existing baby on board badges. It will be interesting to hear if badge wearers get asked what's wrong with them. I took part in the trial and was never asked.

tfl.gov.uk/campaign/please-offer-me-a-seat?intcmp=41947

[DriveInSaturday]

Sorry thought I had deleted rather than posted!

[DriveInSaturday]

The disabled toilets in the Manchester Arndale centre have signs on the doors reading 'Not all disabilities are visible'. It would be great if more places did this.

[DriveInSaturday]

The disabled toilets in the Manchester Arndale centre have signs on the doors that say 'Not all disabilities are visible'. I've not seen this anywhere else yet, but hope it will spread.

[WorshipTheGourd]

I left a note for my GP's wife who persistently parked in the only blue badge space in the school car park (long way from road). She knew that there was one person on double crutches, one in a wheelchair, and one dying of cancer and really ill. They were all her dh' patients and it all well known in the small community. Plus she had eyes. Shameful. Odd too, as she was otherwise a nice woman.

[Teabagtits]

I always reply "you don't look ignorant, guess we're both wrong"

There isn't a week goes by where I don't use that retort. Sad really

[corythatwas]

"The spots themselves could do with putting up signs stating that not all disabilities are visible. Then I think you would find less people giving the death stare to people with invisible disabilities using the spots."

Not so sure. We were still getting "she doesn't look disabled" from dd's school a good 3 years after we had submitted the medical evidence.

I think it's part of the recent atmosphere of fear, fear that disabled people are somehow out to get us, to take advantage of us, the feeling that they must be checked carefully for any signs of the lurking impostor, because being taken advantage of is somehow dangerous.

(I have sometimes wondered how much danger you could actually get into, as a non-disabled person, by accidentally giving up your seat on the bus or ceding a parking space to somebody who did not 100% deserve it, but as so often in life the actual danger of an action bears little relation to the perceived danger)

[Bumbumtaloo]

MycatsaPirate I'm quite lucky because I was a resting bitch face and it would seem for many that they don't want to talk to me but I still get a few who insist on talking to me - usually with the lovely "cheer up, it might never happen" once on a very bad day - had yet another shitty diagnosis - I actually just burst into tears. I don't actually know who was more surprised me, them or DH.

I love self service!

[chickensaresafehere]

Haven't been challenged yet.My dd (10) has a rare chromosome disorder & she has a blue badge.
But I have been told by my oldest dd (17) that even when I'm not trying I have a face that says 'DO NOT FUCK WITH ME,unless you want your day to go downhill fast!!!'
So that probably helps