To not let neighbour use the toilet

[Whattodo23]

I regularly have a couple of kids from street playing in my garden, just say hello to parents, don't know them well at all. One child needs a wee aibu to send her home? Don't feel right letting her use toilet given she is 7, I think. Husband is not at home but still it doesn't sit right

[hibbledobble]

Gosh, what a strange thread.

I hope the poor child didn't wet herself, of they are having fun they often leave it to the last minute before looking for a toilet.

[summerholsdreamin]

The world's gone mad

[Optimist1]

Agreed, summerhols ! Can't help thinking about the reverse of this being posted - "AIBU to be hacked off that my neighbour wouldn't let my 7yo use the loo when she was over playing in their garden?" .

[IloveBanff]

"I simply was (wrongly it seems) concerned about a child using the toilet and it becoming the norm even when partner is at home and things getting misunderstood."

What a bizarrely paranoid way to think.

[Underbeneathsies]

For those of you who believe the world's gorn mad.... let me just tell you this:

It only takes a tiny whiff of someone saying "peter's mum touched my bum when I was in the bathroom" (cleaning up diarrhoea) for it to be misinterpreted by the other mum.... and the whispering starts.



Better not have an unsupervised child in your house, let alone where she is taking down her pants.

I'm not in any way saying the child will make a false allegation, nor am I an apologist for pedophillia, but children sometimes tell their mum only a tiny part of a story, and it explodes into a life of its own.

It is a safeguarding issue. Your safety too, not just the child's!

If you've never experienced anything like it, well and good, and hurray for you, but for those of us who have had to learn the hard way about what children say and what parents think they say, then back off with your PC gorn mad comments, and accept, you don't know everything.

Some of us have been there and have had the unpleasant experiences you haven't had, which is why we advise caution.

Op let the little girl go home to her own loo.

It's it's her parent's responsibility to see she doesn't wet herself. If she does when she's out of her own house unsupervised, then you're not to blame. You have your own kids to look after.

[RebelRogue]

Under does this apply to all children or only uninvited children?

[ElinorRigby]

I cannot and will not live my life with that level of fear.

I will look after children who are the friends of my own children.

If they need food I will feed them. If they need to use the toilet, it is theirs to use. If they fall over and need sticking plaster, then a plaster will be applied. If they are in need of comfort and advice, that also will be given.

I will also try to build friendly relationships with the adults who parent my children's friends.

I might also say that my partner is a lawyer who used to work in the field of child protection.

[frieda909]

To add to my previous comments, I think I'd feel the same way about having the kids in my garden in the first place, i.e. I wouldn't want to let them in without their parents agreeing.

Can you swap numbers with the other parents so that you can keep in touch about the kids' whereabouts? That just feels like a sensible idea to me anyway, although I appreciate it's not the point of this thread!

I used to volunteer with a kids' club where we were advised never to go anywhere alone with one of the kids for various reasons, including those along the lines you're worried about. But I must say it's never occurred to me to apply that to friends/family/neighbours' kids.

[ElinorRigby]

I think there is a difference between the workplace where there are agreed safeguarding policies and informal, social life.

The real tragedy is that vulnerable children need to feel that there are adults who are friendly and who are genuinely looking out for them. And if grownups are basically saying, 'You can't use my toilet. I only care about myself and don't care if you shit in your pants,' they are not going to feel that anyone is trustworthy and/or on their side.

[Bluntness100]

WTAF have I just read??

Seriously? You'll send a kid home to use the loo in case she accuses your partner or you of sexual abuse if she uses yours?

Seriously, WTAF?

[PuppyMonkey]

The toilet thing is clearly bonkers - but if kids I didn't know were playing in my front garden, I'd tell them to bugger off home.

[babybubblescomingsoon]

husband is not home but still it doesn't sit right who the hell is your husband If him being home would make you definitely not let her in?!?!

[londonrach]

V strange not allowing a child to use a toilet. 😮

[msgrinch]

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read. Utterly stupid.

[CrohnicallyPregnant]

YANBU to not want to let them in the house.

I agree that it could be a safeguarding issue- I work with children and it is drummed into us not to let ourselves be alone with a child. You should always be able to be seen and heard (or at the very least one or the other) by other adults when interacting with a child.

So playing in the garden is not an issue for me as neighbours will be able to hear and see what is going off.

We have next door neighbours kids popping round for various reasons if our gate is open (either to play or to retrieve footballs etc). They go round the back gate, I do not let them through the house into the garden. If they were playing then I would send them home for the toilet.

In my eyes, a child going into house is more risky than the garden, even if they go in without me then they may be a reason why I need to also go into the house (either because they need some sort of help, or for an unrelated reason).

Then add in the potential for misunderstandings when toilets are involved. And if I don't know the parent they are unlikely to give me the benefit of the doubt and will jump to the worst possible conclusion, whereas a parent that I am friends with will hopefully get both sides of the story! And if the parents are just a couple of doors down, they might wonder why I 'invited' the child in for the toilet (even if child asked me) rather than sending them home.

[scottishdiem]

What is this code that I dont know? The code that says if a child is in the garden playing with children that live there that going to the toilet is problematic? Yet things like playdates and sleepovers happen?With men in the house, who have very little clothing on (!!!!). Where is the code that deals with that situation. How are they different?

[summerholsdreamin]

And why would you even need to be in a toilet with a 7 yo?

[Absintheshots]

not worth the risk. How many time do you hear "there's no smoke without fire" when trouble start? Better staying safe. My own kids are told not to go into strangers houses!

[scottishdiem]

Thinking about it, I can recall 5 houses on my street that I could be playing in or in the garden with my friends and I would ask to go to the toilet in. The same could be said of my friends when at mine. Our parents were only on nodding terms with them all - except next door I suppose.

This was the 1980s and I suppose paranoia was not as prevalent then.

[SabineUndine]

Blimey. Check the kids' parents are ok with it and then let her use your loo. Fixed.

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

Well, I guess I am going to go against the grain then. Some uninvited child playing in the garden who suddenly wants to go into a relative stranger's house to use the toilet when her own is literally only a few doors away would strike me as weird, and yes, I guess that would make me paranoid. If she'd been in the house before, I knew her, I was on chatting terms with her parents, etc., it would be different.

I guess we all have our comfort levels.

[Asmoto]

I wouldn't - my downstairs loo isn't 'childproofed' (bleach, painkillers etc are all within easy reach) - I wouldn't want to risk some kind of accident.

[ElinorRigby]

Ironically, children are probably most at risk in their own home. From members of their own family....

There are times when 'stranger danger' just seems like a kind of elaborate smokescreen.

So that children are discouraged from trusting anybody outside their own immediate family, and there is nobody they can turn to when things go wrong.

Yes, there are particular protocols you follow when you are at work.

But I think people who really care about children treat them with fairness, kindness and friendliness. (Not with a level of suspicion that verges on paranoia.)

[TheRealPooTroll]

Does your child never have friends around to play op? Or for tea after school? What happens if they need the loo?

[eddiemairswife]

Some people on here seem to live in a parallel universe; a place where paedophiles lurk in every stranger's home, where a child who needs the toilet might make up a story about being molested, where parents must micro-manage every part of their children's lives up to university and beyond. I despair.