To wish my boss wouldn't get his handoff my shoulder!

[user1490990350]

I know I'm making a fuss over nothing. But my boss always put his hand on my shoulder when talking to me. He's a very strong character/confident.


I think he's been on some training course that's taught him it is an approachable and friendly thing to do to make people feel comfortable but it has the opposite effect and makes me feel like a child.

He stands there with his hand on my shoulder when giving me instructions (which he has to do regularly as part of my job). Sometimes he pats my shoulder afterwards!

I know I'm being unreasonable and I should (and do) have bigger things to worry about but it's a little unnerving.

Would I be unreasonable to just tell him in a jokey way not to touch my shoulder!

Everyone else I work with is male and he doesn't do it with them but I've seen him do this with a young woman that was visiting for the day. So it's not just me.

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

Can you sprinkle some scaly-looking white stuff on your shoulders and start referring to your contagious skin-burrowing scalp-flaking parasitic infestation…?

[AllPizzasGreatAndSmall]

Surely, unless he's got incredibly long arms, it means he's invading your personal space when he does it?

[user1490990350]

Yup. Definitely a personal space invasion.

[Gabilan]

Would I be unreasonable to just tell him in a jokey way not to touch my shoulder!

Just tell him in a serious way. If you make it into a joke, he won't take it seriously. I'd just be blunt. Pick his hand up and move it away from you.

If that doesn't work you could try waving it around and saying "excuse me I found this on my shoulder is it yours?" * I'd absolutely hate it.

• don't actually do that, unless you can afford to resign

[Gabilan]

It will change the dynamic and you don't want to be on the wrong side of him

So the OP has to accept unwanted physical contact from her male boss to keep him happy? Fuck that for a laugh. And she's said - he doesn't do it to the men, just the women. Funny that.

[user1490990350]

Every other day he does it.

He doesn't do it to anyone else but there's only men and an older woman here.

I've seen him do it to another young woman though.

[ScrambledSmegs]

I can sympathise, one of the top-level people at my firm used to do this to everyone, I didn't like it but because I was young and shy I didn't say anything.

When he did try to stop doing it he accidentally clouted me round the ear instead He stalked off red-faced while my colleagues all choked with laugher and I sat there with ringing ears

Anyway, I think you should have a quiet word, as it clearly bothers you and why should you have to put up with it?

[Unicorn81]

I hate anyone in my personal space so id need to tell him to back off. If its making you feel uncomfortable then defo tell him. I hate anyone hovering over me when they come to talk to me and quite ofter stand up but then im a bit weird and have irrational fear of being trapped (i cant stand my bf to cuddle in bed or even have his hand on me when im falling asleep).

[Jux]

As he's a good boss on every other way I'd be subtle about it and not make a massive thing of it. Just step back or turn a little every time he does it.

[mellicauli]

I agree "ouch sorry that's my sore shoulder"..which would always still be a bit sore ic he tries again. Don't worry about making it believable or invent a reason for it (dunno..just woke up one day and it ŵas like that) - it can mysteriously moves from one shoulder to the other, last for months/years etc. He'll get the message.

[665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast]

print out postcard sized and stick to lower edge of computer screen

as I assume he is largely doing this to you when you are seated and working,
there is a lovely kids awareness campaign called something like "am I a space invader?"
there are even certificates for when they get it right ! I wonder if there is a sticker chart...wanders off to google..

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

If you can't face telling him have you got an HR department you could bring it up with?

I'm with ChristianGreysAnatomy of putting you hand on his opposite shoulder but take it further and whistle a waltz tune and feign confusion that you thought he wanted to ballroom dance across the office.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Velcro a stuffed parrot to your shoulder ! 😂
Whilst his intentions are probably not sinister, he is still making you feel uncomfortable.
Just ask him, if he wouldn't mind removing his heavy hand from your shoulder.

[user1490990350]

Hahaha. These have made me chuckle 😂

[LobsterMac]

I put my hand on the back of a 10 year old student yesterday while I welcomed him into class following a holiday. He just looked directly at me and said 'please don't touch me'.

I took my hand away immediately and apologised. I am actually really, really proud of him ☺️

[EBearhug]

Don't lie or make things up, especially not something like

[EBearhug]

...like an injury, which could be expected to heal. Just politely say, "please don't touch me."

It's obviously a habit now, so it will probably take more than one reminder. Of he's clearly ignoring you, rather than just forgetting, because it's become ingrained, I would point out that I've already asked him not to do that, and that if he carries on, after you have asked him not to do it, it would count as harassment.

[minionsrule]

I had a boss who when he first started. He used to stand/sit very close to me, as in sit on the end of my desk but right next to me so I was a bit locked in. He also used to sometimes come up and put his hand on my shoulder but then again he did these things to men as well . I don't believe it was any form of harrassment it was how he was but if I had felt uncomfortable about it I would have spoken to him about it.
Echo Skipps advice, calm chat, ask him not to do it, makes you uncomfortable

[minionsrule]

Should have also said he was actually a really nice, very funny guy and I was sorry when he left. I just don't think anyone taught him about personal space

[user1490990350]

I'm excited to start patting his shoulder tomorrow all day.

[foxyloxy78]

Tell him hands off. If he carries on, report him.