AIBU to continue having children? Despite knowing they all would have a life limiting condition.

[stripedeyesdown]

I have named changed as i am probably going to get flamed for this.

I am a member of a Facebook group, i have just seen a post & a child of a member of this group has recently died.

It was noted on the message that this is their 3rd child, who has died from the same genetic life limiting condition.

They knowlingly went ahead with the following 2 pregnancies, knowing the children would be severely disabled with little quality of life.

AIBU to think that they have been selfish for a number of reasons, to continue having children knowing that each child would be born with this life limiting condition?

I'm reporting your thread op as it's massively insensitive. I can't actually believe you would be so crass as to post shoot something like this, let alone in AIBU. Awful.

My 3rd child has Laryngomalacia. Apparently there's a 50/50 chance if you have one child with it but my other children never had it, hearing problems 1 in 8 and I have 2. Who knows what could happen

YAB massively Unreasonable to post such a thread about a grieving family. You must know you are or you wouldn't have name changed so you are cowardly as well.

I think the OP is getting a bit of a hard time. They asked a question - they didn't state it as an opinion. Surely asking it here, where people can offer experience and insight is better than continuing to judge in silence? I remember reading about women who decide to carry babies to full term who have conditions that mean they will only live for a few hours after birth. I couldn't understand how someone could make that decision - surely it wasn't fair to the child or the parents? Then, I read an account from a woman who had made that decision. She did it because she wanted to be there for her baby when they died. If that was the only thing she could do for her child, then she would do it. It took my breath away (and still does) and changed my whole perspective. I don't think this is a horrible thread - the majority of the posts have expressed how precious every life is, regardless of length.

Like butterfly, DH and I had to undergo genetic screening before we could marry.

In DH's home country, religious authorities will refuse to marry you if you are both beta thalassemia minor carriers. And not getting religiously married is a big thing out there.

I believe it's the same on some European Mediterranean islands as well, possibly Sardinia?

These steps were taken in DH's home country because of high numbers of thalassemia major children that were being born. Many of these children did not live beyond 7 years old.

As Dd will be likely to be a carrier, it's something I will talk to her about when she is older. And I will suggest her and her partner get screened before they consider starting a family.

Bigbluebus

I can't believe you even thought about posting this OP. You are not living their life. Take yourself off the facebook page and take a good look at yourself!

This thread is disgusting. Your choice of title is horrible. You've specifically asked the question in first person am I being unreasonable to continue having children? You must have known that would attract people with children who have life limiting conditions to flood here and show you support and love, instead you tore them down and criticised their choices while knowing NOTHING other than what you've seen on Facebook. Add that to the fact you don't even have courage in your convictions as you went to the trouble of name changing before posting.
Appalling behaviour. Disgusting.

If the risk were 100% certain, then I personally wouldn't bring a child into the world if it we're likely to suffer pain and/or premature death. It's not only preventing the suffering of a child who did not ask to be born but also preventing inevitable grief of the parents and wider family. I don't understand why anyone would but that is my personal opinion. Losing a child is like nothing else. You become a different person.

If the risk were not 100%, and it was say 50%-50%, then I couldn't say for sure what I would do.

I wouldn't judge another family's choices, as you don't know the full story. I can speak only for myself.

Notanother. I agree 100%. Am I being unreasonable when it's not her nut judgement on another family

Horrible thread.

If the risk were 100% certain, then I personally wouldn't bring a child into the world if it we're likely to suffer pain and/or premature death.

Agreed.

And I DO judge anyone who would do that.

Not a judgement thing - I could never judge someone in a situation like that - but an understanding thing. If, god forbid, me or someone I came into contact with had faced a tragedy like that, maybe I would now have a little more empathy.

Feeling judged under such circumstances must be utterly horrific. I think that's why I didn't see the thread (not the original post, but the whole thread) as horrible, because the overwhelming response was so strong. It demonstrates why you should never judge people who have to make such heartbreaking decisions. But, I have no personal experience of this, so can also see how others could find it traumatic, so I apologise if I have upset anyone.

Bigbluebus

What a horrible, cowardly thread OP

Totally selfish if they knew the condition was genetic.

I meet people who do this a lot in the hope the next one will be healthy. It's just horribly sad for the children involved.

YABU and you know it. Disgusting thread to start. Oh are vile OP

I asked the question why would you consider going through more pregnancies knowing what they did

No, you did not ask that question. You asked "Am I being unreasonable to continue having children. Despite knowing..." . You made it sound, in your title, as if you have found yourself in this situation, having found that any further children would have a life limiting condition. I thought you were seeking advice for yourself, from people who had faced the same thing.

Then, when such parents open the thread to help, they find that they are being judged by someone who hasn't walked to the fridge in their shoes, let alone a mile.

This is why this thread is really horrible, and at the very least you should ask MN to change the title to "AIBU to judge parents who continue to have children. Despite...".

THINK what you are posting.

striped I don't think you are getting it.

Just because the parents have posted about their DC's condition and death on the internet does not mean it is OK for you to start a debate about whether they have been selfish or not.

If this was a hypothetical situation I'd gladly have the debate but it isn't, it's a real grieving family who will be able to identify themselves from what you have posted. Regardless of whether what they did was right or wrong, the last thing they need right now is to find an AIBU full of people passing judgment on them.

Please report your thread and have it pulled.

YABVU

It's absolutely none of your business.

Don't choke on your judgey pant waistband.

Did your name change fail there ?

Your title is misleading OP.

You make it sound as though you are one of the parents involved.... which would be fair enough to open it up to discussion. As you are NOT one of the parents, I suggest you mind your own beeswax

Ah no. I see I've mis read. Sorry. Small screen in phone.