AIBU to continue having children? Despite knowing they all would have a life limiting condition.

[stripedeyesdown]

I have named changed as i am probably going to get flamed for this.

I am a member of a Facebook group, i have just seen a post & a child of a member of this group has recently died.

It was noted on the message that this is their 3rd child, who has died from the same genetic life limiting condition.

They knowlingly went ahead with the following 2 pregnancies, knowing the children would be severely disabled with little quality of life.

AIBU to think that they have been selfish for a number of reasons, to continue having children knowing that each child would be born with this life limiting condition?

[PovertyJetset]

You don't know the half of it. Shame on you.

[bigbluebus]

Thank you to those who have sent their condolences. It has been a tough few months but we pride ourselves on the fact that DD's 'send off' focussed on all the positive things in her life and those that she brought to ours. There really are some very special people out there whom we would never have had the priviledge to meet if it wasn't for DD.

As the saying goes OP "Don't judge until you've walked a mile in my shoes.."

[dontbesillyhenry]

Disgusting op- hang your head in shame

[AllebaraMama]

I would say YABU. If it's OK to have children when you "can't afford" them the it's ok to have children if they also had a life limiting illness.

[Pigface1]

Yucky thread. Yuck.

[Peanutandphoenix]

Could you be anymore judgemental and heartless ok all 3 children have ended up with the same life limiting genetic condition but you don't have the right to sit there and judge them for it just because you think it's wrong doesn't mean they do and funnily enough you don't have the right to try and take away a person right to have children. Get off your high house and get off that group.

[Topuptheglass]

Bigblue

What's shitty thread to start OP.

Who areally you to decide how people 'should' live their lives.

You're disgusting. What a judgy person you are.

[Redglitter]

Let's hope the parents aren't members here. Imagine coming on for support and finding some anon person who doesn't know you is hiding behind their keyboard condemning your choices when they know nothing about your situation.

I hope this thread is pulled

[ButterflyFree]

This is a very sad thread and my sympathies are with the family who just tragically lost their third child.

Somehow related to the debate/dilemma element of the OP, though (however insensitively it was expressed) - my husband and I were both subjected to extensive medical screening prior to getting married, as is the law for any couple prior to marrying in the UAE, whether local, mixed, or expats. The reason for this law is to try and reduce the risk of genetic illnesses being passed on to future children; in particular thalassemia, which is quite prevalent here due to inter-familial marriages. They cannot prevent a marriage from going ahead if both partners are found to be carriers, however they strongly advise against it. The only thing that can legally prevent a marriage from going ahead is if one of the partners is found to be HIV positive.

[ADisappearingDreamOfYesterday]

I actually would prefer threads like this to be locked and left, and OP's ability to NC removed, so posters can see people for who they are and treat them accordingly.

Having the thread deleted and OP just being able to NC doesn't address anything, but risks less potential upset I suppose. It's a tricky situation.

It would be better if people weren't such horribly cruel twats in the first place, really.

[ADisappearingDreamOfYesterday]

Butterfly personally I don't think the UAE are role models for dealing with ethical and moral issues sensitively or even correctly, tbh.

[stripedeyesdown]

Maybe the word selfish is the wrong word.

I asked the question why would you consider going through more pregnancies knowing what they did.

I am not the devil nor did I state anywhere that any child with a life limiting condition should not be considered.

I am very sorry for anyone who has lost a child in any circumstance.

I am neither plastering over the internet either, the parents are, hence why it came to my attention.

[cauliwobbles]

I'd say they've made the decision based on a greater knowledge of the condition and the quality of life of their children than you have or could ever have!

[TheNiffler]

I wish you'd had the decency to have posted under your usual name.

[Universitychallenging]

If you're so sure why name change.

The parents have lost a child. Quite frankly if painting themselves purple and doing naked handstands on the front lawn is how they choose to deal with the death of their child, that's their complete right.

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

This is a horrible thread.

[GissASquizz]

I wouldn't personally choose to bring children into the world knowing that they would have a condition which meant they would suffer. But that's all I can do, speak for myself. Someone close to me has 3 dc, and the eldest was diagnosed when she was already pregnant with dc3. Their lives are going to be difficult, but thankfully not painful. Great kids. I'm sure their parents would not wish any of them away.

[ADisappearingDreamOfYesterday]

So op what's your usual name? If you're so convinced you're not being a massive insensitive judgemental twat, but just discussing a genuine rhetorical issue, you wouldn't NC would you?

So share...have the courage of your convictions...

[shitgibbon]

I don't get the 100% risk. If the mother is a carrier and unaffected the risk can't be 100%.

[ExplodedCloud]

I daresay they gave it some thought. You weren't party to those discussions so it's not your place to judge the decision. And really bad form to invite MN to judge.

[thecatsarecrazy]

I have 3 children, 2 are mild - mod deaf, I was given a 1 in 8 chance of it happening again. Am I selfish

[Crumbs1]

The risk is irrelevant, the condition is irrelevant, short lives can be as precious, bring considerable joy and be very happy. It's very sad, of course but the quest for 'perfect' children is mistaken- many children with life limiting conditions are perfect and many 'healthy' children cause their parents far more misery.
Not our place to judge but to provide comfort, tolerance and support when we can.

[NennyNooNoo]

I was thinking the same, shitgibbon. Surely the risk is 50% and they've just been very unlucky? If the mother is a carrier without symptoms, then the gene for the disease must be recessive meaning the mother would only have one copy, so the child has a 50% chance of getting the disease gene. Unless like strokkur said it's a mitochondrial condition. I don't know much about this but wouldn't that mean she would have some symptoms too?

[EnormousTiger]

The one certainty is we are all going to die - I can promise everyone on this thread that will happen to them.

I don't think it's anyone's business what others do but the converse for me of that is if you are going to do this then you must pay for those children yourself, not expect others to do so. That is freedom and liberty. It is rights but with responsibilities.