"Put it up out of reach"

[GoingQuietlyInsane]

My 3yo toddler is into everything and it's driving me up the wall!

I have to check my bag 5 times before we leave the flat as she has form for taking stuff out - my keys, my wallet etc. She gets into my makeup and ruins it, gets it on the furniture. finds pens and draws on walls, pulls clothing out of cupboards and drawers, breaks things in the kitchen.

We rent so I can't make too many amendments to the place. We do have two high shelves but they are literally the only place I can put things that she can't get to! She climbs onto the kitchen counters, uses chairs to reach onto the dining table - nowhere is safe any more

Even the bathroom cabinet is accessible to her by standing on the loo.

AIBU to wonder where all these "up out of the reach of toddlers" places are? Does anyone else struggle with this?

[Highmaintenancefemalestuff]

Jax I commented earlier about being too soft on my son and where it has got me now. I have to disagree with your comment; my son is extremely well behaved at school and I've never been pulled in for his behaviour. In fact, they are always telling me how good he's been. It's only me he misbehaves for.

[inappropriateraspberry]

Just the other day my 2 year old started pulling everything out of the washing basket (clean, thankfully!), and I gave a very stern no and told her she had to start putting it all back in before I'd counted to 5. It worked! I started to count and she looked at me then picked it all up. I think it's about tone of voice and 'the look'. They have to know when you REALLY mean it. And expect lain to her why she ant do certain things. You don't need to punish but do have to tell them off. And I do t agree with keeping everything out of reach or they'll never learn and thing they can touch/pick up whatever they want. They need to know about safety and limits. But obviously put knives, medicine etc out the way!

[MrsKoala]

Tone and look only works on certain children tho. Some children genuinely don't care.

One paediatrician told me that what makes children behave generally is a desire to please or not disappoint or upset people. But you do get children who don't care about any of those things (those children are referred to as 'self led' - which basically means what they want to do is more important than anything else and they can't see past it to any kind of consequence).

I have a very stern no, and authoritative tone and serious face (years working in schools and education - i can make other children stop in their tracks) but my dc don't care at all about that. They also have no toys or possessions they value.

We have been observed by HV's, Paeds, behavioural specialists and we also have a very experienced nanny. All say we are doing everything by the book and in theory it should be working. But for some reason it just isn't.

One paed said that children mature the ability to understand at different rates (like potty training) and trying to get them to do things they are not able to do yet is a recipe for damage and disaster. She advised just removing the items and not going to certain situations the dc were not able to deal with yet as it would only make everyone miserable.

[ppeatfruit]

BTW people the OP has hidden this thread. And the child in question is not yet 3.

[Astoria7974]

You don't want to discipline her, you don't want to gently tell her not to go through your handbag, so suffer. I'm sorry but what other advice are you expecting people to give you here?

[thatdearoctopus]

highmaintenance, I hate to tell you this, but teachers usually only go out of their way to comment on "how good he's been" when the default position is poor behaviour. If a child is always biddable and compliant, behaviour would never even come up with their parents. It's kind of a given.

[Highmaintenancefemalestuff]

One of the teachers comes out 10-15 minutes before the kids (preschool, 2 days a week), tells everyone what their child has been up to and how they have been. Parents evening I was told he was a quiet boy who kept himself to himself and they had never had any problems with him. I had previously mentioned how his behaviour had deteriorated at home and she said he was always well behaved at school.

[manicmij]

Agree at age 3 there is a need to have child understand what "NO" means. Your DD does sound as if she has a kind of obsession with things and I would ask if she has had any kind of assessment about this. There may well be some condition lurking within the behaviour.

[Scaredycat3000]

Very strange to get a little insight into the heads of the parents whose dc have their name prefixed with naughty by their peers.
Was it your dc OP last week who followed my slightly older dc round the supermarket, stopping me shopping whilst I dealt with your dc? You didn't even try and find your dc when I lead them to the other side of the shop, to the doors. It was just their natural curiosity! I do hope they repeated the swear words I taught them. Or are you the DM who decided I could look after their dc at the festival, despite you not knowing us at all, I do hope the dc's arm was alright after it got stuck hard between the railings and my leg, whoops, up side they finally understood the basic request to leave us alone. I find my dc behave quite well, they witness the consequences of other dc's behaviour. I know you're not my SIL, but on the off chance, your dc make already stressful IL visits unbearable for years now and they're only 6!
OP the thing about saying no (that's wrong) is you should also be saying yes (that's right, I'm so proud of you!). In the meantime, just hope you don't leave your dc in my path, you might regret it, I'm so clumsy and say the oddest things.

[ppeatfruit]

I did notice that the OP didn't respond when I posted that
you have to shadow 'climbers' like hers. I believe in kind parenting but I also believe that if you've got an annoying toddler who is too young to understand the meaning of No or "do not pull your playmate's hair" Then you damn well make sure that your own child is stopped before she does it!

It is a pain but you have to watch them like a hawk. Especially in dangerous situations like kitchens etc.

[Kkmuppet]

I just want to sympathise. We have a 3 yo who is SO cunning. She absolutely knows what's wrong and right and know she isn't supposed to climb in the kitchen to go in top cupboards etc but she doesn't care! The other day I said I was just popping to get the shopping in from the car. I was about to walk out when I heard her shout 'have you gone yet mummy?' My spideysense fired up and I stayed quiet. She yelled two more times then I heard 'oh she's gone'. Creeping back to the kitchen I found her up on top of the units reaching for the biscuit barrell stored on top of the top units. 😬 I actually felt a mixture of amusement and pride at how clever she'd been but obviously had stern words.
We have decided we are going to get a really big lockable cupboard under the stairs and put everything in it that she messes with or is dangerous. Good luck!

[1horatio]

I can't imagine punishing her for being curious. It's annoying, but she wouldn't understand it. I don't use punishments, I don't even know where I would start.


Well... Nobody is suggesting anything harsh. But she's taking your things and more importantly, getting into things that may be dangerous to her. Climbing on the loo is dangerous. The things she finds may be dangerous. What if she grab scissors and falls off the loo? Has something out of glass in the hand and falls on it? Finds something poisonous?

Be firm. Say no.

Baby gates (as already mentioned) may be really useful.

[unfortunateevents]

If your DD behaves at pre-school, in public and with other people around, then she understands exactly what she is doing but she won't stop rifling through your bag, cupboards, bathroom cabinet etc because she can get away with it. There are no consequences to any unsuitable behaviours so why wouldn't she carry on being "curious"?

[deliverdaniel]

My younger DS is like this. WE've had a bit of success tackling it over hte last few weeks.

I feel like I got into a bad downward spiral- he was naturally challenging, so I spent the whole time chasing after him/ saying no etc, and was then exhausted and felt like i'd spent the whole day paying attention to him and wanted a break, so gave him less attention. actually from his point of view he had had very little actual focused attention from me (jsut me chasing him saying no.) When this clicked it really helped me. I have been combining two approaches- 1) giving him my full attention doing something constructive as much as I possibly can- eg playing a game/ baking/ doing art etc etc and then 2) enforcing consequences- we have done the supernanny method (watch a few shows on youtube and you'll get the idea) but 123 magic is basically the same thing, just with one extra warning thrown in there. With those two things combined, things have calmed down quite a bit. It's far from perfect, but it's definitely much better. But I sympathise with you. It's exhausting and some kids are much harder than others. DS 1 was never like this. And when people say you should "just say no" often their kids are not actually like this.

[DaisyDrip]

My friends DGS was a climber. In the space of a couple of months he fell off the kitchen counter and the toilet. Pre school involved Social Services due to the resulting injuries.

[MrsA2015]

I haven't read all of your replies OP but I have a few things I don't quite get.

Can you not keep the bathroom door closed/locked? Or do you want her to have constant access? And how is your makeup the readily available to her, surely you can use a vanity case and store it in your cupboard?does she have enough toys to play with, do you play with her to keep her occupied enough? Perhaps she needs a lot of stimulating. Good luck otherwise !

[Zsuzsika]

Have you thought about showing her things and show her what they are used for? Maybe sit with her on the floor and explain to her what a wallet is for, what you use your keys for and maybe leave those on the table next and ask HER to put it in your bag before you leave so she gets part of that habit that things need to go in the bag rather than out.
This is what I do with my 2 yo DS and he turned out to be such a little helper! Of course he tries it on sometimes but he helps me more than anything and he loves it!
That way you make them feel important and that they do something important too instead of just saying no no no all the time which will drive you daft!

Good luck whatever you decide to do!

[Venusflytwat]

"DP can be a bit "do it my way, now" and it seems a bit OTT."

That's cos he's trying to parent for the both of you.

[Ohyesiam]

Op, check out Hand in Hand Parenting. I think it would really speak to you..

[ppeatfruit]

I'm going to repeat this THE OP HAS HIDDEN THIS THREAD !!!!!!!! Also the child isn't 3 yet.

[RB68]

Frankly I would take her to a climbing wall and let her get on with it. She is obviously high energy and needs wearing out and and element of achievement - reaching up and getting what she wants - see it as a positive and work with it. In the mean time rinse and repeat no that is not acceptable behaviour and stop them doign it and stick close. Use door locks and child safety locks for kitchens, bathrooms and so on

[Batteriesallgone]

But pp, has she cancelled the cheque?!

[paxillin]

I think very few posters who say they are hiding a thread they started actually do so, ppeatfruit. And the discussion can go on even without OP, that's why MN don't just delete threads if the OP doesn't like the answers. It might help or interest others.

[Atenco]

Sorry, I've only read the first couple of pages of this, but what strikes me most is that you really underestimate your dd's intelligence. You talk about her as if she were a non-verbal animal frankly, when in fact children are at their most intelligent in the early years. What's wrong with explanations and punishments when they continue to defy you? She's not china that will fall apart.

You are her teacher. How is she to instinctively know that she should pull things out of your bag, draw on the walls, etc.