To say I'd rather give birth again than establish breastfeeding?

[Constructionbook]

Just that really. Birth yes painful and hard work but it's over pretty quick. Breastfeeding is a slow kind of torture. What feels like endless nights trying to deep latch baby on to shredded nipples and the hormonal rollercoaster that comes with it. Why is it so hard?

It is so hard to begin with - I had the excruciating pain which I think was probably a bad latch, then mastitis which developed into an abscess...it was horrible but the bf actually helped relieve the pain of the abscess. And then it all just clicked and it was great-managed 10 months til milk dried up and I loved it. And when I think back now those painful days were actually such a short period and are now nothing but a hazy memory.

Giving birth was painful. I've done it 5 times. Every one different, but all painful to some degree.

Breastfeeding was at times, more painful than birthing my 11 pounder, and that really hurt! I can remember that toe-curling, sick to my stomach pain of trying to feed with mastitis. I have never felt pain like it. I only carried on because she refused a bottle or cup and she needed to be fed or was going to be admitted to hospital.

Thankfully it lasted a very short time. I breastfed for 14 months/16 months/ and 22 months.

I would do it all again.

Oh I agree OP. Painful and not at all intuitive.

Can't agree with you Elephant re. nipple shields. I was about to give up when DC1 was about a week old. So painful. An amazing older midwife matter of factly gave me some shields and said 'buzz whenever you want to feed the baby'. She talked me through each feed for a day or so and showed me how to use the shields, which we didn't need for long. Got us started. In the end I BF DC1 and subsequent DC for about 2 yrs each. I remember that midwife with such gratitude and even went back to the hospital once to thank her but she'd retired. Without her, I would have definitely given up and almost certainly never tried it again.

"Fed is best!" Is fucking bollocks.

Babies need to be fed. This idiotic slogan is undermining public understanding of the need for appropriate and skilled support for breastfeeding mothers of newborns. DON'T FALL FOR IT!

It's an argument for lowering the threshold for formula supplementation as a first line response to breastfeeding problems, and steamrollers all the research showing that early, widespread and undiscriminating use of formula in response to breastfeeding challenges results in an increase in premature breastfeeding cessation and difficulties.

Oh good, minifingerz is here to lecture us all on the evils of formula.

This thread is depressing

To any expectant mums being who may be scared by this - breastfeeding can be wonderful. With my first I hated being pregnant, had a horrific labour and then suddenly whilst breastfeeding something clicked and I thought, 'aha, so this is what my body is designed for!'

Breastfeeding can be an immensely satisfying and peaceful experience. It makes babies happy and gives them comfort as well as optimum nutrition. It has health benefits for the mum. For me, it's helped me to burn through my pregnancy weight.

Breastfeeding makes me feel more deeply connected to my baby and to my own body. I know for some people it can be painful bit it can also be the easiest most instinctive bit of mothering you'll ever do. Dont rule it out!

Hmmmm, I don't think thread is depressing. Actually I have found it quite reassuring!

I felt like such a failure in the early days because breastfeeding was meant to be this amazing natural beautiful experience and for me it really, really wasn't. I am always relieved to know others found the same. I had no idea it could be so hard.

I think it's much better to be honest with expectant mums. Then if it turns out they're lucky and find breastfeeding straightforward, no harm done. Everyone's honest about childbirth, what's the difference?

Elephant well said! And so true. Best bf advice I've seen on mn

Establishing BF was a breeze. Maintaining it.... I can't seem to post the video but I took a clip of DD latching on, then crying, nipple feeding, crying, latching back, nipple feeding, then crying.... For hours and hours and hours every day until DD dropped to the 0th centile for weight and I was exhausted and hallucinating.

It turned out that she had a 50% anterior tongue tie, the tongue tie that the hospital had said she definitely didn't have. By the time it was sorted my supply had dwindled and DD preferred bottles and rejected the breast. I know it sounds ridiculous but I'm still sad about it, two years on. BF started so incredibly well and I'd thought we'd feed until at least 12 months and ideally much longer. We ended up stopping with a scrawny baby at 6 months and it was entirely avoidable.

In interest of balance I've had 2 kids, both BF - one for 3 months and one for 12, it's sometimes hard because it's all new and overwhelming but actually shouldn't be- what is hard is that tongue tie isn't checked for, not all hospitals have breast nurses, they're all keen to chuck you home hours after delivery with no support

• and sometimes it's just easy. Second baby literally just popped on and fed like a dream every 3 hours, and then took bottle when needed too

Please don't give any new mum to be pre conceptions, let them just go with it Oh and fwiw formula was literally poisoning one of my baby because of an undiagnosed allergy, thanks f* I kept expressing or I have no idea what they would have actually survived on

Is there a breastfeeding klaxon in some people's homes?!

I've had four. Four short and straightforward labours, Two easy breastfeeding experiences, one slightly difficult at the beginning, and one (my first) that was horrendous for many months: shockingly cracked nipples, blocked ducts, blood in babies sick and nappies. In retrospect I was a bit crazy to stick with it.

Being pregnant is the worst part of the process for me.

Please don't give any new mum to be pre conceptions, let them just go with it

I think it's important that people are honest though - for some mothers it'll be sweet and magical from day one, others will experience soreness or pain for weeks before it settles down, others will find it uncomfortable for the duration.

I came very, very close to stopping breastfeeding in the first two months, because I'd read that it didn't hurt if done properly. It did hurt, sometimes I had to suppress screams of pain. I religiously has my baby weighed, because I was convinced that feeding couldn't be working. I had him checked for tongue tie, I had his latch checked by several midwives, health visitors and a lactation consultant - it was perfect!

It was only talking to other mothers who said they'd had the same that made me realise that what I was experiencing was another variation of normal. They too had experienced pain for the first 6-12 weeks. I persevered and after ten weeks, it was fine.

He's just gone to nursery at 7.5 months, and now has formula during the day, a bottle of expressed milk (which I pump at lunch time) before bed, and boob feeds in the morning and in the night.

Incidentally, I've also got niggling joint pain, particularly in my hips and pelvis - I had PGP during pregnancy, and was told that it'll probably improve when I stop breastfeeding, as breastfeeding can maintain relaxin created during pregnancy. Nobody mentioned that either!

That said, my sister in law had no issues whatsoever with breastfeeding - she fed her first until he was 3.5 years old, and is still feeding the youngest. It's luck of the draw, much like pregnancy and birth experiences.

(I've also been giggling at the comments about relatives insisting on top ups/it being abnormal that the baby is always feeding - my mom was exactly the same with me, and has been encouraging me to give up from day one, pretty much. She breastfed me and my siblings for three months, but hated it and got blocked ducts, mastitis, etc. Mind you, she was told to breastfeed every four hours and no more than that (even when we were newborn) , no wonder it was difficult for her. :/)

Sorry, that was a bit of an epic post - tl:dr version - it's luck of the draw, everybody's experience is different.

YANBU.

I had a pretty traumatic birth resulting in massive blood loss and an emcs. But breastfeeding was worse. Much worse. Even the SCBU nurses gave me pitying and shocked looks when they saw the state of my poor nipples. They pissed out with blood and it was absolute agony, and made my depression a million times worse (think sitting in a hospital bed crying silently knowing that the baby is gonna wake up to feed soon and absolutely dreading it) and no amount of different positions or support helped. And no he didn't have tongue tie.

It was the SCBU doctor that told me to just stop and put him on formula.

I'd have another baby, but I'd FF from birth.

I completely agree! Gave birth 3 times with no pain relief whatsoever but found breastfeeding so, so painful.

I think it's important that people are honest though

So do I. I feel absolutely duped by the NHS guidance: pain free if done correctly; my body will make the exact amount of milk my baby requires; convenient. My milk didn't properly come in for over 3 weeks so I had to supplement with formula to avoid hospital admission for weight-losing DC, and due to size and being post c-section as he thrashed about in hunger and frustration at low supply / slow letdown, could only feed in a lateral position which was about as inconvenient as it could be. I lost count of friends and family who, oh so wisely, told me he just must have a tongue tie. I was reviewed by professionals who repeatedly told me his latch was perfect. I was entirely unprepared for the distress and anguish my failure to breastfeed caused and stopped entirely rather than repeatedly reignite those feelings with further attempts.

Elephant may mean well, but I do not find her advice encouraging; more overwhelming and guilt-inducing. For me, it sounds too all-consuming, despite my having previously committed to exclusively breastfeeding for 6 months when I was entirely naive to the problems I would / could encounter.

YY I agree. It was nearly 18 years ago now, and I wish someone had given me at least a heads up that BF might not be the amazing experience HCPs had me believe.

Sorry if my post has depressed or worried anyone. As people have said every birth, baby and boob is different so you might be fine. In the end I enjoyed breastfeeding and did so till 14 months but it was so hard in those early months.

I like to be informed I wish I'd known how hard it can be so I could have researched BF like we all researched our 1st pregnancy and birth. Decent help for mums seems to stop at delivery. I gave birth to my DC1 abroad and was in hospital for 3 nights if it hadn't been for the excellent midwife support there's no way I could have continued with BF.

Sorry if my post has depressed or worried anyone

I don't think you need to apologise for telling your own truth. Women should be entitled to all the facts, and not shielded from negativity for someone else's agenda. I'm fed up of hearing variations of, 'if women knew how hard it could be they would be less likely to try' - it's entirely unreasonable to hoodwink people into any decision making!

"Oh good, minifingerz is here to lecture us all on the evils of formula"

Haven't done that. No need to lie, exaggerate etc.

I've never used any moral terms to discuss formula or ff.

It's you who does that. Maybe because you like upsetting ff mums and stirring up bad feeling - suggesting there are people out there who see formula as 'evil' or 'wrong'. Some people actively want there to be a 'mummy war'. Fuck knows why.

minifingerz mmm, there are certain posters on MN who have a reputation for turning up on breastfeeding threads and upsetting FF mums, yes

minifingerz

*"Fed is best!" Is fucking bollocks.

Babies need to be fed. This idiotic slogan is undermining public understanding of the need for appropriate and skilled support for breastfeeding mothers of newborns. DON'T FALL FOR IT!*

Have you actually read up about this campaign? It is attempting to stop the rise in newborn hypoglycemia/ dehydration which has been a direct result of the indiscriminate promotion of exclusive breastfeeding and demonisation of formula even when newborns are getting insufficient nutrition. There is a strong link between babies getting insufficient milk in the first days of life and severe developmental problems later in life. The woman who started the campaign is a doctor and scientist specialising in brain injury at Brown University.

fedisbest.org/2015/04/letter-to-doctors-and-parents-about-the-dangers-of-insufficient-exclusive-breastfeeding/

This is close to my heart. I had low milk supply and was repeatedly told there was no such thing, by lactation consultants and midwives, which is complete rubbish. Research shows clearly that low milk supply is relatively common. My son lost a lot of weight in the early weeks but the advice was to just keep breastfeeding as much as possible, regardless. thankfully we were encouraged to supplement with formula by a kind health visitor. I was made to feel repeatedly that this was a terrible decision but I now believed it saved his life. I shudder to think what might have happened had we continued exclusive breastfeeding. this scenario is becoming increasingly common now with the increasing pressure on women to exclusively breastfeed no matter what the circumstances.

3 bf experiences, all painful and exhausting. Bleeding nipples etc. If I ever had a 4th (I won't), I would not put myself through that again.