To say I'd rather give birth again than establish breastfeeding?

[Constructionbook]

Just that really. Birth yes painful and hard work but it's over pretty quick. Breastfeeding is a slow kind of torture. What feels like endless nights trying to deep latch baby on to shredded nipples and the hormonal rollercoaster that comes with it. Why is it so hard?

[capitalcapitalcapital]

I'm at week 8 (nearly 9) and STILL having difficulties with bf. Why does no one tell you how horrifically hard it can be?? My daughter was in NICU for 4 days and my supply just never really came in. Plus she's just been diagnosed with a tongue tie which we've had divided today (traumatic for all concerned) I'm taking 12 herbal tablets a day, drinking glasses of oat milk and still trying to express to up my supply. I spent 3.5 weeks bf-ing, topping up with formula and expressing. I wasn't able to leave the house... and that doesn't even begin to touch on the pain! I feel as if all I think about is bf and weight gain and I still feel like such a failure for not managing to do it effortlessly and for topping up with formula. This thread has made me feel considerably better - thank you!

[RainyDayBear]

YANBU, I still remember the pain of attempting to breastfeed. I threw in the towel pretty early on after I had two full days of the midwives and breastfeeding support workers trying to get DD to feed unsuccessfully. On day 2, when she'd only fed twice, had mostly dry nappies and one of my nipples had a blood blister on it, I called it a day. I'd try again as I know every baby is different, but it wasn't for DD and I. I had a long labour and an EMCS, but I do think the postnatal ward and trying to get her to bloody well feed was the worst part for me. Already dreading going it next time around and we're not even TTC yet!

[FKat2016]

'Over pretty quick'- for many women, including myself, this is not the case!

I found breast feeding hard and stressful at the start, but nothing can or will ever come close, for me, to being worse than my birth experience. I literally thought I was in hell. Labour was worse than breastfeeding x infinity and beyond.

One of the reasons breast feeding was so hard and stressful at the start was actually because My labour was so awful.

Although, threads like this at least reassure me to know that what I experienced is not the norm, and that if I were to have another baby- i might not have such a harrowing labour!

I'm glad I persevered with breast feeding despite the difficulty- it has definitely helped me through pnd and I love the special time I spend with my baby doing it.

Being mummy can be very hard!

[Sallysadlyseescertainty]

No, I'd rather establish bfing again than give birth. (Natural/vaginal) childbirth is fucking torture - although the pain disappears as soon as baby is out.

[UnbornMortificado]

Construction you know you don't have to breastfeed?

Preferring to give birth again to it seems quite extreme. For me the risk of not going back on my tablets and postpartum psychosis occurring was too high to not. You need to think of your wellbeing as well as your child's.

[miserableandinpain]

I agree. Baby 1 completley ripped me apart it was a long process but weaned very easily. Baby 2 was find from the start but has only just let me stop and he is nearly 2.5 years. Its not easy. I agree with you

[sunshineglitterprincess]

Yanbu
I'd give birth again but, after 2 very bad experiences, will never breastfeed. Great for those that can, but it is not for everybody

[WarblingWail]

I fucking agree. Labour, while painful, was only 11hrs long. The first couple of weeks of breastfeeding was agony. No one tells you it can hurt even if you do everything right. Ds never lost weight and his latch was fine, but in the first two weeks there were times I cried when he needed feeding.

It was completely worth it now. He's 7 months, never been bottle fed and I like feeding him.

Keep going, try different feeding positions and get your midwife to check the latch. And lots of nipple cream.

[Nousernameforme]

I had no troubles with latch or tongue tie but for the first few weeks both times it hurt so much so so much more than labour. I don't know if it was flat nipples being drawn out or what it was but it was awful. Poor DP used to get me a drink and give me his hand to squeeze. I used to dread the feeds.
Some of us it just hurts and there is nothing wrong with us or baby. Some people it doesn't hurt some people have problems because of a tie or latching. To answer your question YANBU and my last birth was an evil bitch of an induction but still that only lasted 9 hours as opposed to the 2-3 weeks it took for the pain to subside to a manageable amount

[oblada]

I don't know. It's a different experience. My first DD's breastfeeding journey was hell on earth and my labour/delivery was generally OK so I suppose giving birth was easier. I had 3 months of hell establishing bf but then it clicked and bf for 5yrs. It was so worth it. With DD2 tho the birth was pretty quick and bf was an absolute doodle. I think it helped that I was still bf the first one.. Every experience is definitely different.

[Unsureif]

I said exactly this. I still breastfed exclusively for over 2 years too but it was so awful in the beginning and utter agony. Labour was better and I had no pain relief to. That feeling of hearing baby cry and stir and knowing that the only solution was to have your trauma-ed nipple ravaged was awful. shudder.

But it was worth it. I wouldn't have got through it and done it for so long if I didn't think it was.

[spaghettigirl]

Totally agree with you op. I found breastfeeding in the early weeks more painful than giving birth. Who would have thought it?! Nobody tells you this!!!

[deliverdaniel]

Oh god yes. This, exactly. Breastfeeding was a whole heap of excruciating misery that made childbirth feel like a spa break (and I had a drug free back labour and 3rd degree tears)

Also the horrible sanctimonious guilt mongering fromnlactation consultants etc and the false information. And the idea that what you need to do is just feed more and more when you desperately need a break. I know elephant's post was meant kindly but this would have sent me over the edge at that stage. It's totally and utterly fine to stop. Outcomes for ff babies are almost identical to bf ones. Almost all the differences in the studies are due to poor controlling for social class and maternal IQ anyway. there's so much bullshit and hype around actually relatively limited evidence for breastfeeding.

[hellomarshmallow]

I also found it agony with DT and DD. With DT I think I had thrush and it was hard feeding tiny babies as they didn't latch well. The pain lasted for weeks. With DD the toe-flexing pain lasted for a couple of weeks and was then pretty much pain free! There were no problems, but it was still really, horribly painful.

Still think it's worth persevering as it is so worthwhile for both mum and baby. Plus once you've gone through a couple of weeks, it's worth continuing!

OP I hope it gets better soon. La leche league helpline and kellymom website are brilliant resources.

[hellomarshmallow]

deliverdaniel I agree: of course it's ok to ff and it's totally fine to choose to do so.
But there are significant benefits to both mother and baby when breastfeeding that shouldn't be ignored when making the decidion (antibodies in milk as a striking example).

[abigwideworld]

First weeks bf were horrendous. I always hoped to ebf for six months but in the beginning getting to two weeks was an impossible goal. By weeks 2/3 it felt so much better. I'm now sat feeding my four month old and it has been worth it, he's growing beautifully and it's effortless. Once a week or so I express a couple of bottles so my DH can do the night feeds. I also express a couple of ounces for him to be babysat each week but he rarely takes it if we're only gone 2-3 hours.

[deliverdaniel]

hellomarshmallow the recent studies that have controlled better for social class and other factors have shown almost no difference for full term babies between bf and ff. there is a very marginal statistical difference in rates of non serious stomach bugs but it amounts to about 1 in 12 bf babies will get one fewer non series infection in their first year of life. So there is a small difference but it tends to be vastly exaggerated, and IMO at least not worth going through agony for.

[AprilTheGiraffe]

Ah give the wean a bottle and be done with it.

I FF my daughter, now two, from the start, after a traumatic birth. she's exactly the same as all the other two years old only better

I won't even be attempting BF this time.

[bringonyourwreckingball]

I failed at breastfeeding my first child and was made to feel dreadful about it by midwives so was determined to breastfeed my second. The first 7 weeks were unremitting hell, every feed was agony. I had latch checked by multiple people, she had no tongue tie, it just hurt. My nipples were shredded. I grit my teeth and got through it eventually but I can see why people do give up in the early days because sometimes even when you are doing everything right it is fucking painful

[mistermagpie]

God, I'm 37 weeks pg with DC#2 and after failing to breastfeed DS (him not me really - he just totally refused to feed from me ever, not even once) I was hoping this time we might have some success. This is giving me the fear now!

[BillyButtfuck]

Magpie every baby, boob and birth is completely different, just go with the flow and see what happens, honestly a fed baby is a happy baby!

[Screwinthetuna]

DS would not latch EVER and I just couldn't do it.

DD latched herself immediately and not a single problem for 18 months.

Just reassurance for someone who had a bad experience and wants to try again; as well as being difficult with certain babies, it can also be extremely easy and enjoyable with others!

[Waterlemon]

With dc1 it was hell on earth! Took at least 6 weeks to stop hurting enough that I no longer needed to bite a muslin when he latched on. I made it to 5 months out of pure stubbornness as I thought I'd got this far, I might as well carry on. Dc1 was (still is) very highly strung he screamed and wriggled and demanded feeding like he'd never been fed before, he wasn't easy to get latched on.

I spent my 2nd pregnancy on mn feeding section, reading the wonderful advice from tictoc (is she still around?) and read the whole of //www.kellymom.com numerous times.
So I was much more prepared. Once DC was born, I also visited a bf clinic twice weekly - a service that didn't excist with dc1.

Dc2 was (still is) far more placid and laid back. I was much more placid and laid back. Although I still had a painful "let down" after a couple of mins it settled down.. Bf him was an absolute breeze (despite painful let down) and we made it to 12 months!!!

So don't let your previous negative experiences put you off. Every child is different. It mAy work out better for you next time!

[Waterlemon]

But yes -totally agree with previous posters -

Fed is best!

You have to make the best decision for you and your baby - and it's not always breast!

[SquidgeyMidgey]

I would rather give birth than bf (academic as no threat of either) based on my own experiences. Bf was traumatic- DS kept losing weight, I was knackered, depressed and wanted to run away. DD was bottle fed after the first 24 hours and things were much happier.