about who should pay for breakage?

[thefairyfellersmasterstroke]

It's teenagers...

DS (17) at a houseparty on Saturday with GF (also 17), at Friend1's house. Friends 1 & 2 are both 18. There was a bit of alcohol involved. DS and GF were in Friend1's bedroom (what they were or weren't doing is not the issue) and as the door apparently doesn't close properly, DS had propped a chair behind it. Friends 1 & 2 decided to invade the bedroom for a laugh, and started trying to push the door open. DS pushed back, but they pushed even harder. DS then put a couple of other things against the door to stop them, including a rolled-up rug. Lots of hysterical shoving back and forth until Friend2 decided to try to punch the door open, but when he did, his fist went right through it.

This seemed to sober them all up, and DS started hurriedly removing the things he'd put behind the door so they could assess the full damage. He propped the rug up again where he had found it , but when the door was opened the rug slipped sideways, knocking the TV over and cracking the top corner. It still works, but the display is badly lined. DS doesn't think he is 100% to blame, but said he will pay for a new TV, which Friend1 has said will cost £350.

DS had no intention of telling me or DH about all this, only he had a bit of trouble making the bank transfer to Friend1 and asked for help, which is how I found out. I would not let him make the payment straight away, as in my opinion there are a few other factors to consider first, such as whether the household insurance will cover accidental damage, whether it can be repaired rather than replaced, and whether DS should cover the full cost himself. He wants to, as he doesn't want his friend to be without his TV, and feels he's an adult and is doing the responsible thing but I dont think just handing over £350 without hesitation is the solution.

I don't want to teach him to shirk his responsibilities, but I also don't want him to automatically shoulder the burden of paying without it being clear how much that should be.

Friend1's mother was possibly away on holiday at the time (she definitely is now); her boyfriend may or may not have been present - DS didn't see either of them at all on the night this happened. No-one seems to be bothered about the hole in the door, just the TV. I collected the TV today and took it to a repair shop to get their opinion and estimate, which I'll receive tomorrow, but I'm not sure that DS should be paying for all of this himself.

AIBU, or should I just let my DS pay up for a new TV, and think he's done the grown-up thing? He thinks I'm being VERY unreasonable.

[GabsAlot]

he was baricading himself in someone elses room-no they sholdnt have punched a hole in the door but if someone was in my room and broke my tv id make sure they bloody paid for it

[Trifleorbust]

Whereas I think he should hand over the cash. If you are responsible for breaking something, you pay for it. The person whose property was damaged has discretion over what to do with the money. They are the ones who lost out.

[khajiit13]

Your son should pay. He barricaded himself into a room in someone else's house (wtf?!) and his actions led to the damage. It's a hard lesson to learn.

[BestZebbie]

Your son is doing the right thing, he owes the money for the TV. I disagree that he should get to choose the specific TV that is bought as the replacement - he wouldn't usually get to pick large items on behalf of his friend's family - although he is only liable for an equivalent size/model.
Friend 2 owes for a new door, but that is between him and Friend 1.

[pengymum]

Tbh my view is that the friends are more to blame - just because someone is in a room & you can't get in doesn't mean that you start punching holes in doors!
That aside, I'd expect all those involved to pay a share of costs.

[Emboo19]

Where did £350 come from? Is that how much the tv cost? How old was it?

I think it's good your ds, offered to pay up. Like you I'd question the fairness though. Presuming he was invited and his friend was ok with him and his girlfriend using his room, it was a accident brought on by all the boys being silly.

I'd be goggling the tv make and model to see how much they sell for now. Then if not repairable cheaper, either offer to give his friend the 2nd hand cost of the same tv or being very generous replace with a similar new tv.

[thefairyfellersmasterstroke]

Bit snide, that comment

I was trying to be humorous, but will accept your rebuke!

I'm not trying to get him out of his responsibilities at all. He does, however, have a slight 'problem' with cash, in that he doesn't care about money at all and had been taken advantage off a few times by friends and even his brother, as they know he will give them anything they ask for. I'm not saying that's the case here, as he is clearly due to cover some if not all of the cost.

But he'll pretty soon discover that life is not cheap and he will need to keep some of his money to cover his own costs, so we trying to teach him to not to hand over money unquestioningly. The AIBU was really about whether I should let him do this, or pause and look at all angles first. For example, he felt it was not all his fault, but still thought he should cover all the cost.

Thanks for all your responses, a bit of a mixed bag. I guess DS will pay for theTV himself, but hopefully he'll understand why I want him to analyse the situation and explore all the options first.

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

I'd find out how much it costs to repair, vs how much a second hand like-for-like would cost and pay the lesser of the two. It is definitely your DS who should pay though.

[Bluntness100]

Sorry op, out the two of you, your son seems more mature and grown up than you. Of course he should pay, he started it by blocking the door which he shouldn't have done, and it was knocked over due to him messing with the rug.

Yes, seek repair that's fine, but it's unreasonable that you even considered getting his parents to claim on their insurance, it's not just the excess, it's increased premoums going forward, you know it, I know it and everyone reading this thread knows it.

He's doing the responsible thing and I think you should too, either repair or replace,.

[followTheyellowbrickRoad]

I think if should pay too. But not blindly hand over £350, I would want to know that the tv did cost that and he wasn't being taken for a ride.

[RyanStartedTheFire]

He's trying to do the right thing and take responsibility. Don't block this and deny him a life lesson. He sounds like a good man, with good morals and empathy. He realises it was his mistake and it was his mistake about the tv. It's a shame friend 2 isn't as good a guy.

[Theimpossiblegirl]

Your son is right that he should pay for the TV. The other friend should pay for the door. I wouldn't expect the house-owners to claim on their insurance as their premiums will go up.

He is taking a mature approach, you should be proud, not trying to find a way out. Now you just need to encourage him to find more private places for sex.

[Emboo19]

Actually just remembered my mums rule, if I had a party, any breakages I had to pay for!! Her reasoning being if I invited people over, I had to be responsible for them.

I'd have felt I should pay, like your son if I broke something at someone else's house though.

[GoodDayToYou]

Op, you and your son sound like very decent people. I like how you're handling this.
Personally, I think all those involved in the high jinks should split the cost of all the repairs.

[fascicle]

thefairy
I was trying to be humorous, but will accept your rebuke!
Your comment didn't come across as a snide one to me.

I think you're asking all the right questions. Would agree with others - worth looking at (or getting your son to look at) cost of equivalent tvs, and consider buying one rather than handing over the cash.

[MidniteScribbler]

It is a bit weird tbh, most people would never ask or demand someone to pay for a stupid combined accident which was everyones fault.

It was not an accident. If the son hadn't barricade himself into a room and played silly buggers whilst trying to screw his girlfriend in someone else's bed, then this would never have happened.

[Crumbs1]

Any parent that lets a load of drunk 17 year olds have a rowdy and unsupervised party deserve to foot the bill for any damage.

[Emboo19]

It was not an accident. If the son hadn't barricade himself into a room and played silly buggers whilst trying to screw his girlfriend in someone else's bed, then this would never have happened

I'm betting the friend said he could use his room. Then friends 1 and 2 have thought it would be funny to go see what they were doing!

[Lesley1980]

He broke the TV so he should pay. He moved the rug to block the door & moved it back. The person who punched the door should pay for the door.

It's nothing to do with the mum, the boyfriend, whether or not they are insured.

[thefairyfellersmasterstroke]

Just to put the price of TVs into context; I would expect something special for £350.

Thanks for the link!

I wish I had taken a note of the model number before handing it in to the repair shop. It's a Samsung, but the range in your link goes from £129.99 to over £5,000! I hadn't thought of secondhand sets till I posted here, so that is definitely something worth looking at.

[thefairyfellersmasterstroke]

I'm betting the friend said he could use his room. Then friends 1 and 2 have thought it would be funny to go see what they were doing!

I think that's about the size of it!

[kali110]

Why should the friend get a second hand tv?

[HirplesWithHaggis]

Because it probably wasn't brand new when it got broken. He's due restitution, not betterment.