To feel he has me just where he wants me

[dreamreckless]

And I do not know what to do about it?

I suppose once you have children you can't put them back, and I feel like any chance I had at maybe normal life has gone

sorry

[GladysKnight]

So, you must get the sleep issue fixed. Your sleep, that is. No wonder you feel so awful. Not to say you would miraculously suddenly love every moment of your existence, but you would have a better chance of seeing what you can do tomake it better,and more energy to put changes in place.

Yes kids do squash spontaneity and I miss that too, but I've got used to it and have enjoyed being spontaneous with the kids when thwy get older ( in my case it's usually dh who is the stick-in-the mud usually, not the kids)

[GladysKnight]

Your thread title is a bit worrying though. Is your husband bullying you?

[ZilphasHatpin]

Sleep will be the key here, I would almost bet my house on it. It is impossible to have any sort of normal enjoyment of life when you are permanently running on empty. I have been there. I still slip back to there sometimes. Good sleep, consistently will make such a difference to how you feel.

Is he crying for milk? Or just to have to bear him?

[ZilphasHatpin]

*near

[Alice212]

oh OP
have an unmumsnetty hug from me

I'm sure my mum wouldn't have had chosen children either if she had really understood but she didn't ruin my life.

I can imagine that work is not the answer.

But your DH needs to step up and/or you need to get more childcare if you can so you can have time to revert back to being you. You can't send the child back no - but you dont have to be with him 24/7.

[Miniwookie]

It does get easier as they get older though. My DC are in school now and I feel like me again. I have a social life and I work. Yes I'm not free to do what I want when I want, but can do it with planning. My friends with only one child have even more freedom as when their child is with friends they don't have anyone else to look after and its easir for family to take one child for sleepovers/babysitting etc. It took a long time to bond with my first too (longer than a year). What I'm trying to say is it won't always feel like this (but don't be pressured into having more or staying home if you don't want to)

[LagunaBubbles]

Dont have another. If you feel you are depressed please seek help. Alternatively if you arent depressed then you have to think about whats best for your son.

[TENSHI]

You've talked about wanting to give him back. You feel trapped because you can't.

Acknowledging these things and being honest is positive. I imagine you have told your dh.

The fact that he is pressurising you to have a second shows a complete disregard to your feelings which would fuel any resentment, understandably.

Is there anyway you can get daycare for your baby?

Childminder? Au pair? Share a nanny? Maybe just a babysitter so you can have a sleep if you didn't want to go out?

Do you get enough 'me' time?

Please put yourself first and do what you need to do because it's in all your interests for you to be happy.

Your feelings are valid. Some mums just aren't cut out to be stay at home mums. You do have choices.

Please do what is best for you

[MrDacresEUSubsidy]

Can't give specific advice - no DC of my own so no first hand knowledge!!

However my lovely MIL, now sadly no longer with us, was hilariously open about the fact that she didn't really like children. She found babies boring, toddlers knackering, tweens annoying...it was only in the later teen years that she found it rewarding, once the 'worst' of the teen ups and downs had passed. Her theory was that some women like the baby stage, some like the small kids stage - she only liked the 'almost grown-up' point - and that everyone is different as a parent. She was a lovely and very wise lady and a great MIL. I really miss her.

[PidgeonSpray]

How are you doing OP? @Dreamreckless?

I remember your thread regarding your husband being potentially sociopathic and a sadist.

Please don't get even further trapped by having another baby.

Is your h still showing strange behaviour?

Hope you and baby are ok