Friends recriprocating

[nannybeach]

I am sure I am not alone in this, we have a lot of friends relatives, who come to us for parties,BBQs, sometimes just tea and cake, BUT we never ever get invited back. Years ago, at the end of day goodbye, it would be "you must come to us next time", we would say, "yes, we would love to", it never happened, then they stopped saying it. Last year, I desided not to invite anyone round, didnt say anything, just didnt arrange anything or contact anyone with invite. Some contacted me, asking, said no party etc happening, lots were disappointed asked why, gave various reasons. Had one, still no return invite. Asked DH what he thought, he said part-joking, perhaps they dont like us, but why would they all happily come to us then?

[arethereanyleftatall]

The guy is our uni friendship group of ten who never reciprocated, is no longer in our group. Some people just take and never give, and in the end it pisses people off.
Yanbu op. I wouldn't host any of them ever again.

[WeAllHaveWings]

If they are your friends you can say "it has been our turn the last 5 years, would be nice to have it somewhere else for a change" and then see what happens.

[Aeroflotgirl]

IT is the principle, for whatever reason I could not host, or did not wan to, I could not keep going to friends houses, suggest meeting outside instead. It is rude, to keep taking and never giving. I would not mind hosting, if the non hosting friend coukd not as her house, is a tip, small, or she had anxieties around that, it's not everyone's cup of tea. Bit then I wou,d equally not go to dinner parties at friends houses, suggest we meet at a restaurant or whatever.

[Lymmmummy]

Maybe stop doing it - you have got yourself in a bit of a trap

Realistically could you reduce the number of occasions you offer to host and perhaps ask people to bring something just change the dynamic a bit

I had this a bit in reverse we were renovating a house so we couldn't host so went to new m
friends and all play dates at theirs etc in the end I just tailed them off and didn't ask to meet up because I felt uncomfortable always going to her hours knowing I couldn't reciprocate. Eventually in time I did reciprocate when renovation done but I was definitely in the feeling ashamed of having a shabby house camp. So yea sometimes when people don't want you in their house they can just be ashamed or unaware or nervous of hosting. Equally of course they could be fereloaders

[HerRoyalNotness]

I used to get this too. For example I did Boxing Day at ours 3 years in a row, catered ALL the food myself, 25-30 people over. Not reciprocated. I gave up as it was exhausting and demoralising.

The most I can stretch to these days is hosting tea and cake. You don't need a big place to do that, or a big budget

[Rainbowqueeen]

I totally get where you are coming from OP, it's how it makes you feel when you are doing all the hosting.
You miss out on the thrill of receiving an invitation, of having a fun night with minimal input. You don't get to feel worthwhile because someone thought about you and made the effort to do something nice for you.

Instead you get all the wife work from the relationship ie the friendship.

And for me, it means the friendship suffers because I don't feel important and valued. I wouldn't walk away from a friendship because someone had a shabbier house than mine or wasn't a great cook but I will if someone won't show me that they value me by extending invitations to me.

And reciprocal doesn't mean like for like, it just means the chance to do something fun with my friends without having to do the hard slog every time.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Just say no you decided to take a break from hosting, and let you guys host instead!

[nannybeach]

Most of the relatives have fabulous houses, so its not that we make them feel inadequate, We used to live in a caravan!! Some are married to other halves with big families, so yes they do entertaining. We dont live anywhere fancy, I dont do fancy parties either, very little booze, My H and I cant drink for health reasons, my relatives dont drink, and most of the others are driving. I figure that as they have to drive 50 miles, they DO actually want to see us! A couple used to work near where we used to live, so would pop in would get tea and cake. I would say most are better off than us, holidays abroad,new cars.

[nannybeach]

Rainbowqueen yes thats pretty much it, you ve hit the nail on the head!