AIBU to think I'm being unappreciated?

[Jannerite]

Before I start, this is going to potentially be outing, anybody who knows me will probably guess it's me, so hey to anybody who might potentially know me

My youngest nephew, my DBro's DS with his new girlfriend, was born about 6 months ago. Every Wed-Thurs I'll get a message from DBro asking if I'm having my nephew this weekend. This has happened for every weekend, bar about maybe 3-4 weekends since he was born, that's probably a generous guess. He comes on the Friday and leaves on the Sunday. Every weekend I am stuck indoors as I never have his pram here.

My DBro and his girlfriend weren't together, or it was really new, around the time my nephew was conceived. Nobody really knows as it was a bit secretive. She has DC from previous relationships, who spend time with their dad at the weekends. I have said to my DM that maybe this weekend I'll say no, but she insists I should do it as my DBro and his girlfriend hardly get any time alone together, and it's good for their relationship to have that time.

I really don't mind having my nephew with me. It can be quite nice (although I'm glad he's been sleeping through the night for a while now ). However, I've never been thanked for looking after him. I'm not expecting a party, or fireworks, or anything fancy, but a simple thank you every now and again would be nice.

AIBU for thinking I'm being unappreciated or am I just being a bitch for wanting a simple "thank you" sometimes? I can't quite work out which it is.

[FinallyHere]

As a perfect stranger, I can see and appreciate what you have been doing. I would think it a tad odd, that parents would be prepared to ship such a you g child off for the weekend, so they can have 'time together'. Ye gods. An evening off one a month, fair enough. Every weekend for six months.

So long as you continue without a murmur, you will be allowed to. Obvs. your mother wants you to continue. If you gave up, they may ask her to step in instead.

[Buck3t]

Just a thought, if they never look after their own child, how will they ever appreciate what you are doing. Sorry, one weekend a month would be more than generous.

I do one weekend every 4 months and tell them to pick him up early and I love my newphew.

Buck3t

[altiara]

Yanbu expecting a thank you but yabu to ever say yes! If your nephew is spending Friday to Sunday with you then DBro is not parenting. He has the rest of the week to spend with his girlfriend. Definitely stay out of the way. This will back fire with you being a 'parent' with no rights. Every 3-4 months I'd look after your nephew for the evening. Definitely not overnight. It's not fair on your nephew as he will have no relationship with his father at all. And yes you're a mug being taken for a ride but stress to yourself what is best for your nephew.

[TiredBum]

That's madness! I'd hate to fob my child off EVERY weekend, especially at such a young age.

Poor baby :(

And yes they are completely taking advantage of your generosity, it's ridiculous, a lot of parents see their child less that you!

[Jannerite]

I put up with it because it's easier than the alternative. I've nicknamed my DBro "goldenballs". Yes, I love him but he has never been able to do anything wrong.. I fear I won't be able to hear the end of this from my DM, who already thinks I'm a selfish cow for always thinking of myself and not others.

My DM won't look after him for more than a couple hours, without help, because she's done her child rearing. Plus on a Saturday night she goes out to see her ex-DP so wouldn't have the time. She has mentioned my lack of DC (I have none) when I've mentioned about me looking after my nephew over the weekends.

The one thing I've been wanting to do since about late July was start going to church on a Sunday. My DGM died around this time. The day before she passed I found great comfort in religion/the church I visited.. I haven't been able to do this as I'm either so tired on Sunday, or my nephew is still here (sometimes he leaves about 7:30 in the morning, sometimes not until the evening).

Delphinium - he does have a pram, but it's just never given to me.. When my nephew is with them, his parents, he's treated exceptionally well. They seem thrilled to have him back. The love is there. He's a happy, well looked after baby.

Redexpat - yes, you've read that correctly.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

Your DM won't have him as she has done her child raring. You should not have him as you have yet to do your child rearing when you have your own.

Just say no. Please.

Let them know you'll be available for occasional one night babysitting when they have special occasions but they are taking you for a mug.

They've been together long enough to conceive a baby, go through a pregnancy and have a 6 month old baby! They have had their time - its time they step up and look after their own child!

[Costacoffeeplease]

If you don't want to do it then you have to tell them no, and stick to it. So what if your mum has a hissy fit, nowt to do with her

[SpiritedLondon]

Op how old was the baby when you first had him? I'm terrified you're going to say weeks old. What sort of shitty parent farms their baby off every weekend? ( whether they're grateful or not). I'm sorry but I think as kind as you are that you are being complicit in all of this... you need to stop for the time being and let them manage their own child. Your mother is also being vv unreasonable unless she knows something about the care of the baby and doesn't think he should be there. Your DB and girlfriend should have thought about their private time and relationship prior to having a baby. Tough luck. Just say you're going out and can't have him.

[JustSpeakSense]

Firstly, you need to get a buggy that stays at your house so that you can go out and about and enjoy your weekends with your DN.

Secondly, you obviously live your DN and enjoy having him, but every weekend? Decide how often you would like to have him and set boundaries.

Thirdly, can I just ask what sort of parents choose not to see their child every weekend (out of choice, not a shared custody set-up) wtf?

[JustSpeakSense]

*love

[SpiritedLondon]

Just seen your post.... go to church op. When you have your own children is the time for you to be tied to the house. You're entitled to your own life.

[Bettercallsaul1]

Before your nephew was born, were your weekends busy with social activities or were they quite quiet? If the latter, your family (your Mum as well as your brother) may have decided that you "might as well" be looking after the baby as you were in most of the time. If so, the mistake was that you went along with it - possibly not realising that this was going to turn into a long-term arrangement. However, as this is not suiting you any more (if it ever did), you must now make a stand and say you need your free time back. Looking after a young baby is not a relaxing way to spend your weekends and you must go back to work on Mondays feeling that you haven't had any rest or recuperation at all. No need for any defensiveness on your side - just say that you can't do this every weekend any more and offer to have your nephew once every six weeks or whenever would suit you. Remember - you have already done your DB and his partner a huge favour in allowing them free weekends for the last few months. They should be very grateful for this and not accept your decision gracefully. Even if they don't, stick to your guns!

[Greta84]

Jeez it makes me so mad when I hear of people who are taken for such a massive ride! You should not feel bad for not wanting to have your nephew every weekend. Just cos you don't have kids. And your mother sounds like she's got you on some guilt trip.

[Damselindestress]

They are taking the Mickey. I think you need to take a step back. Either invent or genuinely get a hobby that will keep you busy for some of the weekends or go on a weekend away if possible, anything to break the cycle of them constantly depending on you. Church would be a good idea unless they suggest you take him with! Your brother and his girlfriend really need to take responsibility and realise that now they have a child it's not realistic to have every weekend free. It's great that they take good care of him when he's with them but they are supposed to be his full time carers. You having him every weekend is more like shared custody! You shouldn't really have to deal with that responsibility when you're not a parent yourself. Your mother has no right to a say if she's not willing to provide the childcare herself! I know that's difficult to realise because it sounds like she has a pattern of putting you down but it is not selfish to do something for yourself and to want your own time.

[nutbrownhare15]

This is a bizarre situation although it sounds like you wouldn't mind having him some weekends. I would decide when you would like him (e.gm every other Saturday night). And let your brother know that while you enjoy looking after him sometimes, its no longer working for yo and you would be happy to have him on a Friday night every other weekend (or whenever you would like). I would also ask him if he appreciates you looking after his son. If he says yes then say, ok, it would be nice if you showed it sometimes after I have had him eg say thankyou. I would also say you would like him to drop off the pram when you have him so you can go out. No doubt your brother and mum will show you they are unhappy about your new assertiveness. But what's the alternative? Unless you make a stand now they'll be taking the piss out of you and you'll have no weekends yo yourself for the next 15 years.

[Trooperslane]

I had to comment on this thread.

They are absolutely taking the piss

I'm mean this really gently OP, but you need to start looking after yourself and saying no.

There'll be screaming and shouting and tears and you need to start saying no. And meaning it.

You sound lovely - and they do not.

Please do some reading or maybe repost this on the stately homes thread for some help from some experienced souls x

[MillionToOneChances]

No. Just no. If your mum thinks it's that important she can have him. Tell them you'll do one weekend a month (if you want), but only if you have his pram.

[Trifleorbust]

What sort of shitty parent farms their baby off every weekend?

This. Everyone needs a break. There is nothing wrong with that. But this is very, very strange.

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

This is fucked up on many levels. OP you sound lovely but they are taking the piss to near Mexican house borrowers levels. He's their kid. They need to raise him. And show some gratitude on the odd occasion you help out (and provide you the tools I.e.pram to the do the job).

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

What Trifle just said.

[kierenthecommunity]

It's a truth universally acknowledged that when you have a baby your 'me time' is pretty much zero for a good few years. My so hasn't stopped anywhere overnight for one night yet, let alone a whole weekend. I'd bloody love it if someone offered

What happens if they have more kids? Will you be expected to have them all while they spend quality time together? Sod that

You don't need to fall out just say it no longer works for you

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

For what it's worth, i think your mum's attitude is just as bad as your brother. The fact that you don't have any children has absolutely nothing to do with whether you should look after your nephew. In fact the fact that you have none should mean that you are free to enjoy and do what you want to do in your life. You are already being hugely curtailed in being able to do something important to you because of a child that isn't even yours.
You really do need to tell them, in a more polite way, to fuck the fuck off.

[empirerecordsrocked]

They are taking the absolute piss. Every weekend?? How do you even have a life op? Has having a child impacted their life at all?

Poor kid and poor you.

[Marmalade85]

OP this is a bonkers situation. You look after a 6month old baby every weekend and don't even have a pram to go out? you need to say no if you don't want to do it.

[CocoLoco87]

I don't think it matters right now if they're taking the piss. If you're happy to have your nephew then by all means keep at it. But, buy yourself a buggy to make your life easier. It doesn't have to be fancy, just needs to do the job.

Do you / did you go to a church with a creche? It could be a way to enable you to go and your nephew not to be bored? We take toys, books and snacks for our DC and they last about an hour. Lots of churches are very accommodating to children.