DH friend staying over

[karmacoma1]

DHs best friend lives 200 miles away from us. He and DH see each other sporadically, usually when said friend comes up to see his family who live about 20 miles from us.

These visits mean that friend will stay at our house, as there's normally drinks involved so no driving, and it's too far to get a taxi to his parents.

We used to have a spare room - however I am nearly 35 weeks pregnant with our first child so that now an almost finished nursery.

This means he has to take the sofa in living room.

He last came over the night before nye, he and dh stayed up till about 3.30am drinking, which was fine but in the morning, he obviously slept in, effectively taking out the living room (and kitchen as you access it through there) and as I knew he had a long drive I left him to sleep and had to sit in bedroom with my snoring dh until mid afternoon.

Mow the friend has contacted DH about coming up this weekend, and I feel very irritated about it. As mentioned I'm nearly 35 weeks pregnant, and although I highly doubt I would go into labour, it just feels a bit close, I don't particularly want other people in my space - also it's not like his last visit was THAT long ago.

When dh said he had said this in text, friend said oh it will be fine let's just go for a few pints then we'll just have a few quiet ones at yours. This maybe my hormones, but that has really rubbed me up the wrong way.

Dh is clearly keen for him to come over, and I don't want to be a bitch but... aibu?

[Frazzledmum123]

I totally get this, in the later stages of pregnancy, from about 30 weeks on in fact I started feeling really antisocial, I didn't want to go anywhere or have people over, I just wanted to hide at home (and obsessively clean!). I looked it up at the time because I couldn't understand how I felt and it's completely normal, like nesting it's an instinctive part of preparing for a baby. Explain to your dh that you just cannot face it right now and his friend will have to stay elsewhere. I don't personally think I'd have a problem with him going out mind, just the house guest.
If you do decide to let him stay mind, make it clear you won't be tiptoeing around in the morning so it's up to him if he wants to drink knowing that.

Congratulations on your pregnancy btw to xx

[Frazzledmum123]

*too

[whateverandever]

I agree with what some previous posters have said.

Make him sleep on the floor of the empty nursery. There's no way I'd be spending that long unable to go about my day. Borrow/get a cheap inflatable mattress or put the sofa cushions on floor. Don't try too hard to make it comfortable.

Use this as a chance to make it clear that this is probably the last time ever (or for the indefinite future) that he will be able to sleep over as your family is expanding so they will need to think about new arrangements for the future.

I wouldn't stop my DH having a couple of pints at 35 weeks. Obviously not getting wasted and should always be contactable and able to jump in a taxi and be there for you.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

It's unlikely your baby will sleep in the nursery for the first six months unless the recommended guidelines have changed. So the room won't really be used till at least then. We had a single bed in dds bedroom, which became her bed once she was too big for the cot. It was great for feeding dd before going to bed, snuggling together for stories etc. Would getting a single/trundle bed be a solution for occasional guests for the next few months? Or is this guy the only one, who stays because if it is, it sounds like you don't want to be more accommodating.

If they're going to be disturbing you that much. I suggest a) they both stay in a hotel, b) your dh goes to his place or his parents place if it's big enough or c) your dh picks him up from the station/bus stop and his friend gets a taxi to his parents place at the end of the evening. It's only 20 miles. You both need to start saying what you want. Not let this guy make assumptions.

[NotYoda]

I agree with whatever. Sleeping in the nursery on a blow-up might focus his mind a bit.

And I think it's unreasonable for a grow man to be getting pissed and up til 3.30. He needs to get used to the change in your lives that is coming - you have had to.

I would say he can come on the condition that your DH is fit to drive the next day.

[whoneedswings]

your DH CANNOT be drinking at this stage of your pregnancy. My DH stopped drinking at 30 weeks! What will happen if you go into labour and he's pissed? Otherwise I hope you've got friend/ family on standby to take you in. (Also worth noting I had to rushed into hospital a couple of times between 35 weeks and labour with reduced movements/ illness so it's not just labour, you need a designated driver from now on!)

[whateverandever]

whoneedswings but what if you'd gone into labour at 29 weeks?

Seriously, life doesn't have to stop, just use common sense. He should be contactable and not totally pissed. If something does happen, there are taxis for you both and adrenaline kicking in will negate a couple of pints by the time he gets to you.

[bluebell34567]

I wouldn't let him stay.
especially blocking the living room and kitchen is not on.

[pictish]

I think yabu. I'd let him sleep on the sofa. I wouldn't sit in the bedroom because he's sleeping either. I'd just get up and on with my business, offering him a coffee or whatever.

[Kintan]

I'd let him stay, but make it clear that this is the last time for the foreseeable future, and that he won't be able to have a lie in as you need to get on with your day the next morning. I know that some babies come early, but most don't so I agree with the previous poster who pointed out that 35 weeks is not the same as 40 weeks. You could potentially still be pregnant for another 6 or so weeks!

[UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea]

I think your mistake was not going ballistic the last time when you were stuck in your bedroom for half the day with your drunk husband.

If they can be trusted to have a few pints and be up the following day at a reasonable time, and look after themselves then it's fine.

Otherwise you are just acting the martyr.

[pictish]

"And I think it's unreasonable for a grow man to be getting pissed and up til 3.30"

I sometimes get pissed and stay up till 3.30 and I've got three kids. What's your point?

[TheDowagerCuntess]

My DH stopped drinking at 30 weeks!

Wow - that is super prepared. 😳

I wouldn't have issue with it, but I'm not you. Just chat to him about it and explain that you're not happy about. He's still free to go ahead with it, but with the full and explicit knowledge that you're not happy.

[doubletrouble41]

Babies don't always take a long time to come out. My first was born in under 2 hours. Don't spout "made up facts".

[Chloe84]

What did your DH say when you told him you were unhappy about having to sit in your bedroom quietly while they slept till the afternoon?

It's time this friend started staying in a hotel. Your DH can join him there for a few quiet drinks.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

And I think it's unreasonable for a grow man to be getting pissed and up til 3.30.

There's a lot of unreasonable parents in my circle of friends the world, in that case. 😐

[5moreminutes]

I wouldn't sit in the bedroom til mid afternoon - you won't be able to do that once the baby is here, so if the visits are going to continue the friend will have to adjust to being a guest in a family home not with a childless couple who leave him to sleep on the sofa til mid afternoon.

I don't think stopping your DH having his Best friend to stay one night every couple of months (so realistically about 6 times a year) is very reasonable BUT there need to be some new ground rules given space constraints and imminent arrival of a newborn.

I would say he is welcome to stay BUT will need to accept that life goes on around him - so you will come downstairs and make yourself breakfast whenever you normally would etc. and that when he visits after the baby is born you may well need to be downstairs pretty early doing baby related tasks.

Make sure your DH knows he needs to stay sober enough to cope if you go into labour, though not necessarily not to have a drink at all or to try to dictate whether his friend does.

[Oblomov17]

I too think it's quite early at 35 weeks. And dh going for drink now is ok, because he will be out of action friendship wise, for the next couple of months.
But presumably you might be uncomfortable and fed up?

[JakeBallardswife]

What someone else sai, why not s few pints and then friend can sleep on floor in nursery xx

[Whocansay]

How is 'a few pints and then a few quiet ones at yours' NOT a session? They will be steaming! Just say he can't stay. Your husband can either stay at his, or he can get a taxi home. It's your home and if you don't want him there, don't have him. You don't even have to have a reason!

And if they manipulate you into letting him stay, be sure to be up at 7am doing the hovering and telling him he has to leave.

[NotYoda]

With a pregnant wife or small baby, without agreeing it's OK and being incapable the next day

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

Can't you plonk and airbed on the nursery floor?

Or just get on with your as normal? The I wouldn't have a problem with his mate coming round and them having a few drinks, but I wouldn't be hiding in my room all day. when I felt.like it, I'd open the curtains and turf him off the sofa.

[pictish]

Whocansay - you sound friendly.

[Velvian]

Put him in the nursery. Pick a film you want to watch (they'll get drawn in & forget to drink). Dont be considerate the next morning; get up, put the radio on. I think you feel more resentful, because you have bent over backwards for him before and he has shown you no consideration at all. It's yoir house, don't fade into the background.

[rollonthesummer]

oh it will be fine let's just go for a few pints then we'll just have a few quiet ones at yours

But that's what they normally do!

He doesn't get to override what your DH says. If I was DH, I'd reply saying, 'Sorry-that's a no no, X is pretty close to having the baby'. If you still want to come-Stay at your parents and I'll come to you.