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AIBU?

To not want dd to look after me in old age?

88 replies

malificent7 · 04/02/2017 00:28

I want a qualified health professional please.

Of course id like her to visit me occasionally but not only do i not want to burden her but id rather have a neutral , skilled professional who dosnt want my inheritance ( i jest! )

I just dont get why people want lots of kids so they can look after them in old age. What if they dont want to?

OP posts:

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RebelandaStunner · 04/02/2017 14:03

I don't want dc to do any sort of care, they won't want to and that's what carers are for.
I happily help out my parents with a bit of shopping and tidying.
Personal care is best left to professionals.
I'm going to live in one of those real marigold hotel retirement places in Florida and play golf, swim and have a tiny bit of botox

Olympiathequeen · 04/02/2017 14:59

When I can not longer care for myself I'm off the Switzerland

Reality16 · 04/02/2017 15:03

I have never heard of anyone having kids so they can be look after In old age, let alone lots of kids

Charley50 · 04/02/2017 15:32

My mum always said she didn't want us looking after her in her old age, but actually, apart from sensibly living on the ground floor near shops, she does need want expect us to do more and more.
She's never researched care homes or carers, doesn't have many friends, and is pretty reliant on us for lots of things. She's been relying on me for years now and I can see it going on for many more. The biggest burden is because she has not made a social life for herself she relies so much on me and my siblings. I do love her but feel quite resentful.
I don't want to rely on my DCs for everything this when I'm old. Can you OD on MDMA?

Toddlerteaplease · 04/02/2017 19:47

My parents have always made it clear that they don't want us to give up our lives to look after them. It's a big relief to know that. Of course dsis and I will do everything in our power to help them. I have MS so probably won't be able to when the time comes anyway. I also wouldn't want my parents caring for me. I'd rather have professionals do it.

pipsqueak25 · 04/02/2017 19:56

i've told the dc to take me to the nearest cliffs and shove me off if i start getting difficult and decrepit, and i'm serious, i don't want to be a burden on anyone,

haveacupoftea · 04/02/2017 20:01

I dont think people have kids to look after them, but it is good to have an advocate when you are vulnerable, someone who will fight for your best interests.

Toddlerteaplease · 04/02/2017 20:18

Pipsqueak. I have a friend who wants to be taken to the west of Ireland. And left on s cliff. He is also deadly serious.

Funnyonion17 · 04/02/2017 20:20

Yanbu. I will be making it known when my DC are old enough that they are not to be my carers. I'd rather be in a nice carehome tbh. I wouldn't want to burden them hmm

ilovesooty · 04/02/2017 20:56

My mother's care home couldn't have been kinder to her at the end but I'd rather be dead than end up losing independence and being reliant on anyone.

Crispsheets · 04/02/2017 20:59

Yes Dignitas for me. I hope the law may change .

ilovesooty · 04/02/2017 21:04

Yes Crispsheets I'm hoping for that too.

Charley50 · 04/02/2017 21:08

I'm sure the law will change.

katiegoestoaldi · 04/02/2017 21:14

My mother told me when I was very young,

katiegoestoaldi · 04/02/2017 21:15

However for me it will be dignitas

Manepartner · 04/02/2017 21:22

She was livid when I said no, that wouldn't happen. TBH I don't expect nor want my children to ever have to care for me but I would be gobsmacked if they ever said that to me.

Notso · 04/02/2017 21:50

My Parents have always said they don't want me and DSIS to care for them in old age. It annoyed me as a child and it makes me really angry to hear them say it now. I will do everything I can to care for them if they need it.

Hotpinkangel19 · 04/02/2017 22:00

I'm currently in a situation where my mum is severely disabled after a large stroke, my dad is in his mid 70's and is caring for her mainly. I work but I would 100% give up work tomorrow and care for my parents if it was too much for my dad or he became ill. I would do what I could to make sure they could remain at home together as long as possible. I would hate them to go into a care home.

Haribogirl · 04/02/2017 22:03

I live with DP,,but ds is next of kin and I've told him to take me to Switzerland

fuckingwall · 04/02/2017 22:08

Are the majority of staff in care homes really skilled professionals?

Haribogirl · 04/02/2017 22:10

Just to add dp dad is in care home at moment with dementia, I see him and think no way would I like to be like that, not only for myself but my ds
He just sits there, can't speak only very odd word, can just about feed himself,can't walk and in continent.
It's so upsetting to see

MuddlingMackem · 04/02/2017 22:11

I think there's a big difference between looking after and looking out for elderly parents. I would hope that my kids will be our advocates when we need it but I wouldn't expect them to be carers for us. My dad looked after my mam for her last few years and it was knackering, I couldn't put my kids through that unless it was unavoidable.

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Kookypants · 04/02/2017 22:20

I looked after a very elderly and lazy relative, I loved her but resented it, and found personal care, loo stuff, just awful. I'd hate my kids to have to see things you can't unsee or resent me at all.

thegreylady · 04/02/2017 22:28

I would rather die than go into a care home.
I am in my 70s now and dh is 80 we manage very well but if he dies I will find sheltered housing near dd who has always said I should live with them if need be. I haven't told her that I would 'keep taking the tablets' with a nice bottle of brandy before I'd tie her down like that.

Camelsinthegobi · 04/02/2017 22:28

My MIL once said that 'all' she'd want is a caravan at the end of our garden. I still don't know if she was joking but I am nervous about her expectations of us.

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