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AIBU?

To be fed up with this?

100 replies

TedEriksen · 01/02/2017 12:21

Small problem but this is winding me up so...

I work full-time and my DW works part-time, but I work from home a couple of days a week and/or work compressed hours to get a couple of days home looking after our two DCs. DW always lays out clothes and says 'they're wearing this/these tomorrow'. I don't like this as I can pick out clothes myself, but usually don't say anything.

Whenever I pick out anything I get complaints from DW about it. I'm not (that much of an) idiot, and always dress them appropriately for the weather, or whatever they're doing that day, but DW always nitpicks and finds something wrong.

This weekend, DW was away on a weekend long hen do, so DCs and I had the place to ourselves - there was a really funny moment with them so I took a photo and sent it to her, and what I got back was 'why are they wearing those tops, that skirt, etc. etc.' I didn't reply, but felt like an ALL CAPS response like, 'when I'm taking care of them, what they wear is up to me'. I know this is a moan but I feel quite undermined.

AIBU?

OP posts:

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bumsexatthebingo · 01/02/2017 18:07

That should say 'my husband'. If I had another husband that WOULD be unreasonable

Astoria7974 · 01/02/2017 20:58

Happily for you maybe. Not so for your husband.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 01/02/2017 22:22

Same here bumsex. Married for 16 years. DH won't be going anywhere. Despite my 'nagging' he has it far too easy here because I have high standards so tend to just do stuff myself and he just gets told what to do and when because he actually doesn't want to think for himself. I don't count having to redo a crap job as high standards though. Hanging stuff up properly when it's wet just makes bloody sense!

bumsexatthebingo · 01/02/2017 23:06

Mindreader now are you Astoria? I'm not aware of many people who would get divorced over a difference of opinion over kids clothes. You mustn't view your relationships with much regard if you've ever managed to have one with such a charming attitude

littlewoodentrike · 01/02/2017 23:12

YANBU! She needs to chill out! My DH and DD come up with some very strange combinations, but it always makes me laugh, and is part of their 'cuteness ' together.

Enidblyton1 · 01/02/2017 23:32

YANBU. I let my 5 year old pick out her own clothes - luckily she usually picks well, but sometimes not! I never ask her to change unless I know she will be too hot/cold.

Do you ever buy clothes for your children or do you leave that to your DW? I wonder what her reaction would be if you came home one day with a couple of new outfits?

Seriously though, if this really bothers you, you need to talk to your DW about it. Don't let it fester.

longdiling · 02/02/2017 08:08

My mind is boggling at all these men who apparently don't know the difference between tights and leggings or don't understand how to dress for the weather. Do they walk around in speedos in winter or wear their jumpers as trousers?! How can anyone not know how to put clothes on a child? Surely by letting them opt out of learning, this nonsense continues to the next generation? What other 'wife work' are they allegedly so bad at? Are you all being played like fiddles I wonder? Boggling. Truly.

Munchkin1412 · 02/02/2017 08:22

Oh god. I think I do this. To be fair - my DP has a knack to find the only too small clothes in her drawers that I've not got around to taking out yet and dresses her in them. I don't understand why he can't see when things are too small. Also he'll not bother with her vest or a cardigan so I always think she's probably cold.

I have tried to stop though. He put her in her best dress for nursery once (he only takes her about once a month when I've got an early meeting so I usually dress her.) I didn't say anything even though it was covered in paint...

Astoria7974 · 02/02/2017 10:32

I have been in a relationship over 10 years. Happy one too because neither of us nag - it's a conscious decision. But I grew up with a nagging mum and grew to eventually hate her as did all my siblings. Nagging is a habit that needs to be curbed - I guarantee the people who nag don't have great personal relationships as they think they do.

Hannahbanana1725 · 02/02/2017 10:38

YANBU - you're an adult, you can dress your child without DW's input surely.

Perhaps talk her about her non-helpful comments and that it's really not a big deal if she doesn't like their outfits (in a polite manner)

bumsexatthebingo · 02/02/2017 10:40

Well we'll have to agree to differ. I don't think disagreeing always constitutes nagging. And I also don't think that reading a few lines about someone you don't know on the internet means you know anything about their marriage. If we're going there though I doubt your husband is particularly happy regardless of nagging as he's married to someone with a very unpleasant personality.

bumsexatthebingo · 02/02/2017 10:41

Sorry it doesn't seem you are married after 10 years. I can't think why....

0hCrepe · 02/02/2017 10:44

I look forward to my dh's bizarre clothing combos for dd they're hilarious!
Yes she's being ridiculous but it sounds like a power struggle between the 2 of you. You're deliberately choosing different outfits because you don't like your dw telling you what to do. She prob thinks you doing that is petty.

Astoria7974 · 02/02/2017 10:46

I am married bumsexbingo - have been married for 10 years. You are such a hypocrite - judging my relationship while telling me not to judge others.

bumsexatthebingo · 02/02/2017 10:48

Not a fan of being on the receiving end then? Come back in a decade then maybe you can offer me marriage advice.

Astoria7974 · 02/02/2017 10:50

You think you're better at arguing then you are. Your posts make no sense bumsex. I'm out - good luck with your nagging. Lets hope we don't see you on the relationship board moaning about how you didn't see your divorce coming.

bumsexatthebingo · 02/02/2017 10:51

Just realised you are the same poster who was posting on the thread about ta's doing personal care saying no mainstream school would ever allow it. You do like chatting nonsense about things you know nothing about don't you!

0hCrepe · 02/02/2017 10:54

Was this your work?

To be fed up with this?

0hCrepe · 02/02/2017 10:54

From here! www.boredpanda.com/dad-fail-dress-baby-overalls-olivia-jeremy-brooke-hawley-basso/

HarryPottersMagicWand · 02/02/2017 11:16

😂 crepe.

To the poster who can't understand how they can't dress for weather, not know difference between tights and leggings, I don't get it either. I've actually had to bloody explain the difference and he still calls them the wrong thing. It's really fucking annoying tbh, having to micromanage every little thing. If I don't, it just doesn't get done. Example, DCs go to the dentist every 6 months, DH and I go once a year so we alternate it and one of us takes them each time. Last time was DH's turn. I reminded him but decided I wasn't going to do more than that. They didn't go at all. DH didn't need to because he had stuff done earlier in the year that ended up changing when his yearly check up was so the DCs didn't go at all. DD has long hair. I have to tell him to brush it, otherwise it doesn't get done and is really tangled. When I said he needed to brush her hair in the morning (only on weekends) he actually asked me why! Ffs. There are many many things like this. If I left him to it, the house would always be a tip, nothing would ever be put away, washing wouldn't be done until people had run out of clothes, routine appointments wouldn't get made, prescriptions wouldn't be thought about until they had actually gone etc etc.

longdiling · 02/02/2017 11:40

God Harry, he sounds a right twat. How can you have even a scrap of love and respect left for him?!

SlankyBodger · 02/02/2017 11:48

Just tell her.

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HarryPottersMagicWand · 02/02/2017 12:01

long I know it sounds bad, and it is bloody infuriating but he isn't a twat and does put up with a lot of crap from me. I've got a chronic illness, had depression a few times, possibly have aspergers, he does let me have both lie ins at the weekends because I'm shattered from the week, he does all the shopping and dishes, he would never raise his voice to me, is very respectful and is generally a good dad. It's just he is also very laid back, slow and stuff just doesn't matter to him like it does to me (tidy house etc). In some ways we are complete opposites. It's not perfect and things are really pissing me off but it is what it is.

dowhatnow · 02/02/2017 12:07

I might have been a bit guilty of this but I don't think he minded too much - or if he didn't say he did. the time he took her to soft play in pyjama bottoms (with the cuffed leg) thinking they were leggings, comes to mind

Perhaps sit her down and really have a good talk about it.

bakeofffan · 02/02/2017 12:32

I think this insisting 'I'm a mum I know better' and constant fault finding even when as in the OPs wifes case it's pretty nitpicky and really just criticising because something isn't EXACTLY as you'd do it, is actually very damaging long term. I can think of a few marriages which have failed or are on their last legs because of the drip drip drip effect of constant fault finding.

Like washing - one couple I know, the H put a wash on at 30 deg. His W intervenes, oh you've done it wrong it has to be at 40, nothing will be clean. Wash comes out and is clean. So no issue? W says the same to him next time he puts a wash on, and the next, and the next, and eventually he thinks fuck this for a game of soldiers and stops doing the washing. Cue W moaning to friends he never does anything...but frankly who would if everything they do is made out to be wrong, even if it actually is just a difference of opinion?!!

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