Get Well Soon Gift for Depression

[Tweedledee3Tweedledum]

My DS is currently suffering from depression. I am trying to acknowledge mental ill health in a similar way I would physical ill health.

I have sent a get well soon card, but would also like to send a gift. Does anyone have any suggestions for what could be the right type of item, apart from standard flowers (which I do also plan on sending)?

Whilst I am aware my support is not about providing gifts, and that any gift is not going to change the current situation, I do want to try and give her something that may momentarily provide some relief. If any.

Would she like some Graze boxes? You can get some good deals if you just signed up.

A friend gave me a lovely cashmere rug and said if I put it round my shoulders it was her giving me a hug.

I told someone how wonderful it made me feel and she ended up knitting a rug for a depressed friend as she couldn't afford cashmere.

That friend recently told her that she'd found a huge soft poncho in TKMaxx and sent on to yet another friend.

I thought it was one of the kindest presents and still get snuggle under it twelve years on.

What a lovely sister you are.

I tried to commit suicide because of my depression. My sister offered for me to stay at hers. I went on the Thursday and asked if I could stay on the Saturday too ... to which she pulled a face and said her dd was going to a party that day. I still see her sometimes but she never asks how I am ever.

At least you're showing that you care x

I have a friend who is going through a rough time. It's partly physical and partly MH. She loves arts and crafts, scrapbooking, card making etc.

I was having a clean out of my huge stash and realised there was heaps of stuff I no longer wanted/used; most of it was unopened. So I bundled up as much would fit in a post bag and sent it to her. She loved it. It's the sort of stuff that she can dip into and out of when she feels up to it. Would something similar work for your sister? Alternatively, gardening stuff (seeds, gloves etc); sewing, beading or cooking things?

Whatever you do end up doing, I think just keeping in regular contact (phone, text, Facebook, email, letter etc) would be the most treasured 'gift'.

That's lovely

Nice smellies?

Not the most original idea but depression can sometimes effect person hygiene as in you can't be bothered to wash or eat etc.

Not a dig I've been there myself, I'm not implying anyone else is scuzzy, posh bath/shower stuff could be encouraging.

Sorry about your personal situation OP, but the problem of diagnosis of depression is a scandal, considering that a large proportion of society is prescribed with anti-depressants. All you have to do is say to your GP that you feel unhappy, and hey-presto you're given psychotropic drugs!

I have a friend who lives in a different city and he always sends me cards for my birthday and Christmas with scratchcards.

I know that's probably not everyone's cup of tea but I'm always really excited watching a bundle of scratchcards fall out of my card. Then again I'm a bit strange.

The gesture for your sister is so lovely, there is no feeling better than knowing someone cares and is thinking of you.

I don't know what the distance is or how feasible it would be for you but perhaps the best gift she could receive is for you to show up at her door or for you to invite her to stay with you for a while - or alternatively make her a "weekend pass" to promise her a weekend together at a spa at a time in the future as something for her to look forward to.

Failing any of that, colour therapy books, a magazine subscription, nice candles, a food delivery done online so she doesn't have to worry about shopping, etc.

DS... son? or her?

Doesn't matter. Do they know they are depressed? I ask because when I was going down like a piano in a mine shaft, I was blisfully unaware
I was in a very bad way. My DP could see it as I was behaving very oddly indeed. The diagnosis from my GP came like a sunrise. But It was the refusal by work and many so called friends to acknowledge I was ill that hurt. What would have been the greatest gift and made my life much better would have been an acknowledgment that I was ill. Because, yes, mental illness is just like any other illness. That is all it is. It is illness. Just you can't put a plaster on a broken mind.,

Just be there for him/her. ..... and thank you for being a good mum (dad?)

This is my favourite depression book. I found it when I was at my most depressed and I couldn't read but I could look at pictures, and it really helped.

www.amazon.co.uk/Had-Black-Dog-Matthew-Johnstone/dp/1845295897/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1485068654&sr=8-1&keywords=i+had+a+black+dog&tag=mumsnetforum-21

Also colouring books

Zafodbeeblbrox10 On the basis you know nothing much about OP's sister, how is your rant about depression diagnosis and treatment relevant or helpful?

Zafodbeeblbrox10
That any good evidence indicates that anti-depressants are over prescribed, doesn't equate to depression being over-diagnosed, e.g. get them for being 'sad'
The wider issue is that GPs have 10 minutes to diagnose depression and treat appropriately, with little in the way of other services to refer on to (a situation getting increasingly worse due to cuts).
Therefore other forms of treatment (e.g. not medication) aren't so readily available to either the doc or the patient, and rather than let a depressed person walk away with nothing, meds are prescribed.
Re: your 'unhappy' comment, I obviously know nothing of your experiences, but that indicates a lack of understanding of depression. Like many conditions there's a wide range of 'types' and effects on a person. Me: I'm at the functioning end, in that I can mainly get on with life, and I've never been suicidal. As my work, occupational health, doc said (who incidentally had an hour for me, which made all the difference) "you're severely despondent, rather than despairing".
Other people are not so 'lucky', and while the prescribing of meds should never be taken lightly, I'd rather GPs had something to offer, and while more varied and flexible support is needed, it's not as simple a problem as being an over-reliance on medication.

I must be a bit weird then seeing other posts, i have depression and OCD and i'd find it offensive to get a "get well soon" card.
Depression doesn't go away like a physical illness does, it's something i'll have for the rest of my life and a box of chocolates and a card isn't going to make me feel any better.
What i would appreciate however, is sustained support, being asked "is there anything i can do to ease some of the stress?" An offer to pick up some shopping and drop it by, things like that. But to keep at it, don't get bored of caring and give up after a week or two.
To me the term "get well soon" is just horrible when dealing with a long term illness, you don't get well from depression, i'd take it as a "i care about you but don't want to deal with it so hurry up and get over it"

MissVictoria - you're not weird at all, and I think it's a good point.
I think that one of the complaints about having a mental health conditions is that people don't interact with someone when they're unwell, like they would if they'd broken their leg.
And I agree that "Get well soon" is a bit clumsy, but if it's a part of longer and more meaningful making contact, then, I personally anyway, would have welcomed it.

Another poster on MN has posted this free website an Australian initiative that maybe of general help as well to her.

moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome/faq

My brother suffered from depression. Sending hugs to you and your sister x

More really good suggestions, thank you.

I would like to add, that I did clumsily say on the post that I sent a get well soon card. I did in fact send a 'sending you a hug' card. I hope this doesn't seem as insensitive.

Thank you to all the poster, especially those sharing your own experiences with depression. to you all.

That card sounds absolutely perfect OP.
If she likes reading, maybe some magazines. I struggle to concentrate when I have depression, even though I love to read - so magazines are much more manageable. A book of short stories could also work.
Adult colouring book with really nice pens.
One of those microwavable animals - something warm to hug (if she has a microwave - if not, a hot water bottle would also work).

Regular contact, but by message rather than a phone call as she may not feel up to it at that moment and with a message she can come back to it. Also mentioning that it's OK if she doesn't feel up to responding, so it doesn't feel like it's hanging over her

I've used buddy box before and the recipient loved it

'saw this and thought of you' whatever it is, magazine article, photo, sweets from childhood etc. It is nice to feel like someone is thinking about you, they have seen something, thought about you and taken the time to let you know

Not flowers, they take effort to get them in a vase and remembering to water them, then you watch them die, then effort to get rid of them

pietari kontio I agree..it is a lot more complicated than just "medication is over-proscribed. My main point is that anti-depressants don't cure anything, they are a sticking plaster kind of cure, and also have a lot of side effects.

Plus nhs doctors are sponsored by the large drug companies

All you have to do is say to your GP that you feel unhappy, and hey-presto you're given psychotropic drugs!

I wish!

I took three long years to pluck up the courage to see my GP about my depression and anxiety. I was a shaking mess when I got in the room. I kept it together enough to tell her what was wrong, including the fact that I'd been struggling for 3 years.

She told me to get out more and maybe go shopping

I won't be going back.

You're such a lovely person to do this for your sister, I'm sure she'll be really touched.

I have been ill with depression on a number of occasions and honestly, for me the actual gift didn't matter so much as knowing that someone was thinking of me.

Pretty much anything else was welcome - flowers, chocolates, a candle, a DVD of a cosy film or TV series, posh toiletries, anything really.

Last time I was at my most unwell my mum sent me an audiobook and a couple of little, simple craft kits so I could sit and make them while I was listening to the book being read to me, which was great as I was struggling to to concentrate on reading (and had found that very upsetting) so being able to listen to a book while doing something relaxing was ideal.

The only thing I wouldn't have wanted - and which would have honestly made me quite furious - was self-help/wellbeing/mindfulness books. I know people mean well by recommending them, but when you are really ill, they feel like a massive chore to even open and are often total bollocks. And then you feel like a failure when their recommendations don't work. Plus, when I was at my lowest ebb, anything that made me actually dwell on my condition was the last thing I wanted. I wanted anything that could serve as an unchallenging, gentle distraction from it.

Zafod
You're taking bollocks, you've obviously got some daft agenda. Antidepressants can be literally life savers; people already feeling guilty due to debilitating illnesses don't need your half-witted, poorly informed views. They've got enough to deal with.
Take your Big Pharma conspiracist shite and stick 'em.

OP; I know that when I'm unwell, Lush bath stuff makes me feel more human.

How severe is the depression? If it's got so bad that she struggles to bathe or wash her hair, buying facial and body wipes and dry shampoo would be recognition that you understand the physical struggle MH can create.

You could also put together a little health pack - vitamins B complex and D (in spray form) are good for depression and some people recommend starflower or evening primrose oils.

Some very light reading might help. Depends on what she usually enjoys but a really trashy but uplifting novel might help. And some very simple, smooth piano music.

You sound like a lovely sister. I've had depression on and off for forty years and no one has ever sent me a get well soon card or kit. It's odd that people don't like to acknowledge it's a physical illness. But it is. And life is so much easier if there's one or two people around you who understand that.

CockacidalManiac well said!