AIBU to ask if anyone dreaded becoming a Mum?

[SWtoSEGirl]

I feel terrible posting this - and feel I can't really discuss this honestly with anyone in RL. I'm 31 & my DH is really keen to start a family, to the point of impatience - last year I told him we'd try in a year's time - and here I am.

Children have always been a part of my life plan - but now I am on the verge of TTC, I am filled with dread & fear. I fear losing my independence, losing my identity, & our financial security. I fear we'll never enjoy free time or a holiday again. I know this makes ne a terrible person - but I also can't imagine loving my baby - although I really love my nephews & nieces. I guess I'm terrified of making a lifelong commitment to someone I dont know (ridiculous though it sounds). I often look to the future & just cant picture myself with a 10 yr old or teenager!

I've worked hard and sacrificed a lot to get where I am & am scared of losing it & of change. I think a lot stems from my DM - she has always wanted me to focus on my career & has never extolled the virtues of having children.

I know I am being selfish, but has anyone else felt this way? Or have advice on how to prepare mentally for a child?

[GimmeeMoore]

Before having baby/ttc have the big conversation be clear on expectations and baggage
As you will both unwittingly bring bagage to having a baby.not bad,but need exploration
Working - will you both work ft? Will mum go PT or not work?i ask because people can have deeply held POV they haven't expressed before. Some men and some women think looking after baby is a task to be undertaken ft at home. Some will think why have baby if its at nursery/cm all day looked after by someone else (their words not mine)

Will dad take extended paternity leave or 2 wk
When will mum return - how long mat leave

Nursery/own room or baby in your room
Co-sleep or not


School faith or non denomination

School state or private

Finances all shared or ndividual accounts

Grandparents- active and providing childcare or weekends only

If baby get ill who collects - always mum or do you share.we know daily who'll respond if we get the call and it's shared.theres no notion of his job more important than mine etc

We did have the big talk,and no big surprise but some small really? moments

When we were discussing nursery my mil began to enthusiastically discuss colour and cribs we had to clarify we meant nursery childcare. She frowned and said oh i thought you'd change your mind about working.. so others will project their assumptions on to you.

And finally becoming a parent makes you access all areas for some folk. I've had strangers ask how I'm feeding baby
Ask how my pg was
Ask how birth was

I know the oft touted myth. Is one meets one bestie at baby group and you bond in a deep friendship.honestly, I found majority of baby group mums I met to be dull and mumsy. They weren't back to work, and we're vehemently of opinion that nursery was akin to Guantanamo internment. And they were obsessed by schools, and moving to suburbs to escape urban Dystopia. Fortunately I met 1 mum I liked she was going back ft too

So what I'm saying is do discuss, don't assume your on same page