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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my 5 year old daughter share a room with a male friend

115 replies

Ohbehave1 · 04/01/2017 17:55

My partner and I disagree and I don't know if I am being over cautious. We are normally a fairly easy going family but when talking to my partner about one of my daughters friends coming round for a sleepover we disagreed

I didn't think it right that a male friend shares a room with my 5 year old daughter but my partner says that if they are in different beds it's ok and that they are too young to think anything of it.

Am I being over protective?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohbehave1 · 04/01/2017 18:58

Vestalvirgin. Thanks for a reasoned reply. Improper is the word i didn't think of. That's all it is. Nothing more

OP posts:
4sausages · 04/01/2017 19:02

I'm in a similar situation and don't know what to do. DS7 has a very good female friend and we agreed some time ago that we wouldn't do sleepovers. Not because we have any concerns about their behaviour, but because once you start allowing it, at what point do you stop? My DD9 has now been invited to sleepover at a male friend's house and I don't know what to do. He is a lovely boy and I'm happy that they're friends, but my DD is already hitting puberty and I'm not sure whether it's appropriate. So OP I can see where you're coming from.

FannyCradock · 04/01/2017 19:06

I shared a room with my brother till I was 10, its not uncommon.

Sirzy · 04/01/2017 19:06

Secondary school onwards I can see why it could pose problems but at 5? If I had concerns that there was any risk with a 5 year old I would have bigger worries than a possible sleepover!

I

Chilver · 04/01/2017 19:07

lol, we do sleepovers with our 5 yo's and opposite sex 5yo friends in the same room, sometimes in the same bed!

Mammylamb · 04/01/2017 19:09

People are being rather mean to the OP here unnecessarily. But I think they'll be fine sharing a room

MrsMattBomer · 04/01/2017 19:13

Yes, you're being over-protective. It's thinking like this which is making segregation a real thing yet again. I could understand if they were both 15 but for fuck's sake, they're 5!

SomethingLikeFlying · 04/01/2017 19:13

I'm with stella. I would be encouraging my son not to play with your female child and he definitely wouldn't be going to your house again if you saw my 5 year old boy as some sort of threat to your daughter.

gamerchick · 04/01/2017 19:13

They're 5? Seriously man!

They're 2 little kids sharing a room. It's not worth an argument. It's nothing.

Your use of over protective makes me want to ask what on earth there is to be protective about?

KellyElly · 04/01/2017 19:14

At that age it's absolutely fine. After puberty, not so much.

Guitargirl · 04/01/2017 19:18

OP - you are being absolutely and completely ridiculous.

They are 5 years old for crying out loud. Five. Just think reasonably about it for a moment.

JigglyTuff · 04/01/2017 19:25

My son and his female friend, both nearly 10, still share a room. There is nothing sexual in it at all.

And don't post in AIBU if you don't want to be told that you are. No one is sick for concluding that you must have meant an adult as it's just very odd to be worried about two babies sharing a room.

KayTee87 · 04/01/2017 19:25

Op they're 5 years old, of course it's ok for them to share a room or even a bed. Wtf do you think they're going to be getting up to?

NotEnoughTime · 04/01/2017 19:28

As the mother of two boys I feel very Sad and Angry and Shockreading your post.

kaputt · 04/01/2017 19:30

er, pp who isn't letting little kids share the room because 'where does it stop' - presuming they even are still friends at 12 or 14 or whatever (not highly likely) and they want to have sleepovers just the two of them at that age (also unlikely) you just go 'sorry, nah you can't do that anymore'.

Though I do let teenagers have mixed sex sleepovers with childhood friends I deem appropriate. I'm the boss, I can have whatever mixed up rules I want.

Oh and OP honestly it's fine. It's not improper, your family just has a weird stance in this particular area. All families are weird about something, you don't have to carry the weirdness on.

m0therofdragons · 04/01/2017 19:31

Wow totally bonkers!

TroubledTrouble · 04/01/2017 19:42

Quite surprised by the harsh responses you've gotten OP.

When I was around the same age my mum had 2 friends with sons my age. When we'd have play dates they'd show me their privates and want to look at and touch mine. I was often made to when I didn't want to.

When I was around 8 I had a sleepover with a male friend and he made me do things children shouldn't be doing.

So if you're paranoid and neurotic I guess I'll be joining you on that train.

stella23 · 04/01/2017 19:56

+SomethingLikeFlying* glad someone does.

Can't believe how some people would think a 5 years old boy a sexual predator.

Op, what about if your dd touches the boy, what if she touches him inappropriately? Or would that not happen because she's a girl.

Honestly leave the poor boy alone,
It's that's how you feel about him, even if you think you are covering up your feeling you won't be and you WILL make him feel bad with such extreme views. Just leave him alone. Let him makes friends with other children.

ProudAS · 04/01/2017 20:06

There's no need to flame the OP. She may BU but she is from a background where boys and girls don't share a room even at that young age.

Nothing wrong with pointing out that it should be fine but why suggest that she thinks five year old boys are sexual predators? She never said that she was worried he'd get up to anything - just that it wasn't what she was used to.

Original poster
Ohbehave1 · 04/01/2017 20:22

Ffs. For all of you arseholes saying I think that a boy is a sexual predator - you are the ones saying that. It hadn't even crossed my mind. I have 2 sons as well - if I was worried about boys I wouldn't let them near her either.

I don't know what I was "protecting " my daughter from, I just wasn't sure if boys and girls sharing a room was acceptable.

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 04/01/2017 20:29

I think it's sad to sexualise children at a young age and create gender barriers that don't naturally exist- but you have to do what you feel comfortable with. Mine always shared regardless of gender including sharing a double bed with four kids (2 girls/2 boys). My eldest girl shared a cabin on a ferry with a boy aged 12/13 ish and there was no impropriety or suggestion that there might be.

Wellitwouldbenice · 04/01/2017 20:31

Blimey, well as a mother of 3 kids you should know that 5 year old kids are just that - 5 year olds. I would hate my 5 year old son to be invited for a sleep over by you.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/01/2017 20:34

So Aibu brings out the worst but to be accused of deliberately wording the title to make people think it was an adult shows who the sicko's really are. It never crossed my mind.

Errrrr no.

You didn't give the age of the child. Your title is inappropriate.

Who exactly uses the term 'male friend' for a 5 year old Hmm

YABVU

Eolian · 04/01/2017 20:35

YABU. And I think the view that a 5 year-old girl and boy shouldn't share a room is weird rather than old-fashioned tbh.

Mari50 · 04/01/2017 20:38

My DD (7) frequently shares a room with a friends DS (5) when we stay at their house, the kids look forward to it and it would be difficult to persuade them otherwise. They also have baths together, it's no big deal and they are both fine with it.
I very much doubt the sharing baths will continue much longer but I imagine the sleeping in same room will continue for a while but probably because the age gap makes my DD feel like she's an older sister and she has been around him since her was born.
There's certainly no impropriety with young children sharing beds/bedrooms/baths and as long as the kids are all happy I'd go with it. That said, your house your rules.

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