To get annoyed about bed hogging

[sugarplumfairy28]

We used to have a standard double, DH is always right over my side, one night he actually managed to push me out, I fell out and cut my head open. I very luckily got hold of a new super king size bed for next to nothing and thought problem solved. I keep saying to DH does he want to swap sides, nope. I have told him over and over again to stay over his side, he pokes fun at me and says it's just cuddling and laughing it off. I wake up 3-4 times a night having to shove him back over, but last night he shoved me off again.

I mean FFS it's a superking so nearly 2 metres wide, we're not short on space, even if both the kids get in too. DH thinks it's funny, so AIBU?

This drives me utterly insane. My dh is a bed hogger, he flings his arms and legs everywhere and I absolutely cannot stand people being near me when im trying to sleep (except my kids but they're super snuggly and warm, like large hot water bottles). He doesnt see the issue. I honestly wish we had a spare bedroom or at least room for two singles on opposite sides of the room

I talk to him about it in the day and he just says that obviously even when he is asleep he wants to be near me, and that it's cute. Which is all very nice but not really helpful.

It's not about whether he wants to be near you. It's about you needing a good night's sleep. It's not cute that he's stopping you from getting what you need.

Build a pillow wall down the middle of your bed, get separate duvets and, if he still hogs your side of the bed, just go out and buy twin beds. Tell him that you gave him plenty of chances and that, since nothing changed, you had to follow through with it.

DH is a rather active sleeper. He chases things in his sleep, nearly flinging me out of the bed in the process. Add to that the delights of shift work & my light sleeping, I take the spare room more often than not. It's a life saver, that's for sure. DH is such a deep sleeper that I can't really hold his antics against him, I can hear him doing the jive in his sleep from the spare room, so it's not just when he's got me as an audience

divorce is the only option

Two single duvets? Stayed in a hotel in Berlin once like this and it was brill- if I had my time again I would do it

'Austrian beds' which you find in German y and Austria are the ideal, no idea why we don't do similar. 2 single mattresses side by side in a double bed base, topped with single duvets. Near enough for intimacy but you can choose your own mattress and duvet thickness and territories are clearly defined! You don't get joggled by a restless sleeper or pushed out by a greedy one. I get the 'I'm only here for a cuddle' routine and I just want to shove him back to his own side and get myself comfy.

Electric fence down the middle.

If he finds that unacceptable, separate duvets is v civilised. Don't get singles tho. Get a double for each of you.

Get a single mattress, put it in top of the super king, on your side. Let's see if he can manage to roll uphill on to it. If he can, attach spikes to the edge for the next night

"he just says that obviously even when he is asleep he wants to be near me, and that it's cute."
It is NOT cute. It is sleep deprivation.

Separate beds. It is your only hope for a good night's sleep, and sleep is ESSENTIAL.

I kick violently in my sleep if my space is invaded I also slap and scratch after about 5 times dp retreats back to his side and stays there. Just stand your ground and hit back OP the rules of bed sharing allow violence IMO especially if he's kicking you

My DH's late first wife sewed three ping pong balls to his sleep shirt. Apparently three nights of being woken up, rather painfully, by rolling on them was enough to sleep-train him into staying in place.

I've never had the same issues she had (he's 6'7, I'm 5'3, she was even shorter and he split her lip one night, he slept on the sofa out of guilt until she found the ping pong solution as he wasn't prepared to risk it), but we do have separate duvets. he tucks his into the side of the bed which means if he strays too far his duvet doesn't follow him and that makes him snuggle back toward the edge.

Your DH is a twat for not being the one desperate to find a way to stop this. Tbh I wouldn't be asking him to swap sides, I'd be telling him and if he's not happy with that he can sleep elsewhere (although if he's like DH he'll just gravitate toward you, but it's worth a try).

DH used to do this to me, not push me out but always wrapping his arms and legs round me in his sleep, I'd push him back to his side only to find myself surrounded by him again a couple of hours later
He certainly didn't find it funny when I kicked him onto the sofabed for a week so I could sleep in peace
Now DH stays on his side, if he somehow ends up on my side I give him a dig in the ribs or a kick in the legs 'in my sleep' and he soon rolls back

Imiss,

"DH is a rather active sleeper. He chases things in his sleep..."

Dog in previous life?

OP,

God, I feel your pain. Sleep deprivation (and injury...bloody Hell) is miserable in itself, but doubly so when the guilty party refuses to take it seriously. It's a chosen method of torture for its effectiveness, after all.

An ex of mine slept diagonally , which contorted me like a pretzel most nights.

Totally agree with PPs that your DH should be frantically researching any workable solutions, but as he's clearly not bothered, Sara107's 'Austrian beds' suggestion is a really good idea (definitely should become the norm and save us all a lot of hassle!).

For payback :

www.awesomeinventions.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/her-side-his-side-bedding-set.jpg

In the same way as how a tennis ball/whatever on someone's back trains them not to sleep on their back if they're a bad snorer, jabbing him/waking him up sharply and telling him to move and not stopping until he has done so for a few nights in a row should hopefully sort it.

My other half has Sleep Myotonia so as he's drifting off, or in dreaming sleep he spasms. I've had 4 black eyes, a broken nose & been booted in the back frequently (in a standard double bed). Made worse by he likes to sleep facing inwards so the arms flail towards me.

Best cure- THE CAT. Sleeps at the foot of the bed, if he gets jiffled/booted he sinks his claws into OH feet, immediately stopping the problem :-D. Get a cat- place it in the middle lol

Separate beds! sleeping on your front will give you neck problems if you sleep with a pillow, I know I sleep on my front, NO pillow. Our bedroom isnt big enough for anything other than a standard double, which we now spare with 2 dogs!

Shall I admit that we have a double and a single and not much room for anything else in the same bedroom? DH does sad spaniel eyes about this sometimes, but after nearly 20 years of interrupted sleep I was fit to murder someone.

A bigger bed wasn't the answer. A three foot chasm between beds does the job nicely.

I had a terrible time of it with DH shoving me over until we got a superking and a double duvet each. Now I'm not even aware of him next to me, we don't touch at all and it's blissful

I really suggest separate duvets as it was him trying to roll himself up in the cover that caused him to shuffle over to my side.

Separate duvets may be the way the go. Stayed. In plush design hotel in Scandinavia with super king bed but two double duvets. Great nights sleep and smaller duvets easier to handle/cover change too

YABTU...

i am only saying that because dp edges towards me when she is cold and I end up sleeping in. narrow strip ... we have a 5ft wide bed!

Dh and I started sleeping separately when we realised the lack of sleep for me had got dangerous. We have our own bedrooms and it's heaven.