To ask neighbour to stop kids using communal areas as personal playground...

[MrsExpo]

We live in one of five detached properties in a small cul-de-sac/close. Houses are accessed down a drive way between two houses on the main road at the top of the close, and the drive is wide enough for two vehicles to pass, opening into a wider turning area in front of the houses to allow people to access their drives. The drive has a 3-4 meter wide strip of grass down each side and this has trees on our side and a row of neat shrubs down the fence on the other. All houses have access to their own parking areas and all the drive-ways are open plan - i.e. no fences between them. All the houses have good sized rear gardens.

The drive, grassed areas and central turning area are jointly owned by all five properties and we manage the grass cutting etc between us to keep it tidy. (Except for one property who do sweet FA, but that's another story!!).

Family in house opposite have 5 kids, the youngest two being boys aged 8 and 10. Like most young lads, I suspect (don't have sons myself) they enjoy kicking a football about, but - having reduced their own back lawn to a bog - are now using the drive/grassed areas as their personal football pitch and bike race-way. As such, the grass is getting cut up, ike tracks all over the place, there were no less than 4 footballs and two bikes left lying about this morning and the shrubs are getting kicked to shreds. In addition, footballs are bouncing off people's cars, tree branches are getting broken, peoples drives and front lawns are used as an extension of the playing area ... In short, the place looks a real mess. (To say nothing about the noise they seem to generate when they're out there!).

AIBU to think the neighbours need to stop their kids trashing the place, use teri own garden for the kids to play on, get them to tidy up their stuff and generally start to respect the property? (Sitting here dreading the onset of Christmas school holidays ...!!!)

if they're treating the space like crap then it's worth having a natter with your neighbour but not to stop them using it completely, they just need to take more care of it and probably cover more of the tidying responsibilities you share

If you live in the sort of set-up you describe then it's inevitable that children will play out on it. Can you ask the children directly to clear their stuff away, and to be more careful of shrubs etc?

Uh oh. My neighbours are always fighting.
It started over something like this. I do a lot of curtain twitching, it's quite entertaining really.

"It doesn't sound like vandalism. Just kids playing and occasionally kicking their ball into shrubs. In sure you would prefer it if the kids stayed in nice and quiet so you could look at some perfect grass but it doesn't solely belong to you. By all means stop them playing on your drive as that's your property. Not sure why you are so annoyed by one of the parents tidying up the shrubs either. You complain they're a mess then complain when it's sorted. Sounds like they are trying to find a happy balance so that everyone can enjoy the area which is how it should be."

As I said, it's not the playing that's the issue. It's the lack of respect for the area generally and other people's property, and the damage to the area in question. The shrubs would have been perfectly OK, and not needed a radical pruning session, had the boys not trashed them, and we regularly take our turn cutting the grass, weeding, pruning and generally keeping the place tidy and presentable.

As for ownership, well it doesn't solely belong to them either, does it? So shouldn't they be mindful of that and take steps to ensure it's kept to a decent standard for us all and not arbitrarily allow their kids to trash it, whilst the rest of us do our bit to keep it nice. They are the only household in the group with youngsters of that age so it's not like we're all contributing to the damage. One household taking the P!! and four who are P'ed off!

I agree with the poster who said we're at fault for buying a place with communal areas. In the event we ever move, then that will be the first thing we look at. Any mention of anything communal, shared or otherwise in joint ownership will be a complete deal breaker!!! To be fair, we've lived here 16 years and the kids weren't around when we moved in. Also, I don't remember their older kids behaving like this as they would have been a similar age then.

Lesson learned.

Maybe you could get together with all the neighbours and agree a new layered planting scheme for the area. Grass is so high maintenance.

Sitting on the fence.

You bought a property with communal areas. These are always attractive to families with children - and children play and make a noise. Unless there is a restrictive covenant in the title deeds or they are playing there after 10pm or before 6am YABU to complain about it. Your rights to peace and quiet do not outweigh their rights to play and make a noise. If you cannot put up with that you need to move to another property - an over 55s set up perhaps.

If the children have damaged YOUR vehicles then YANBU to raise this with the parents. If they have damaged other people's vehicles that is nothing to do with you. If they are concerned they can raise it with the parents themselves.

You say "words were had" when the mother tried to tidy the shrubs. Does that mean that you spoke to her? Does your lease give you greater rights to tidy the shrubs than others? Sounds to me as if she wants to play her part in the community and that her efforts have been rebuffed. Maybe try to befriend her and get her involved in the maintenance of the area?

You need to tread VERY carefully in this kind of dispute otherwise it will escalate.

No it's not solely there's but it does sound like there is some effort made by the neighbours to tidy up the shrubs etc but the children have the right to play! It seems the neighbours without kids are moaning because you can only see it from your own perspective. I would personally love a communal area out front where I could watch my children and they wouldn't have to play near a road as they do now. You seem annoyed by their presence. How does having to look at bikes lying around affect you for eg? My opposite neighbour parks their car on the street - maybe I should complain about having to look at that?

we live in similar situation and there's no way i would have let my kids do that. they didn't play in communal areas at all. If its like our set up (and it sounds similar) its not designed for kids playing, and kicking footballs.

Rather than asking them not to play, i would ask them to be mindful and not damage the grass/shrubs etc. What do the other neighbours say? if you could put a joint front on this then it would be better - not sure if all together or at least one after the other? Could also talk about potential damage to your car (this might focus their minds if they think they have to cough up, and potential damage to kids from cars)

They really should do this in their back garden, this is what its for.

we have a neighbour who dumps his garden waste in a quiet area of our close and this drives me nuts. all the management has caused a few niggles over the years. i wouldn't do shared ownership again unless i had to

bumsex come on be reasonable, there were no less than four footballs out there at the same time as the bikes. It's practically shouting out for the riffraff to come down the cul de sac.

to those that are saying its fine....i think it depends on the communal area and what its designed for. there are lots that are used for recreation and thats fine and have lovely grassy areas designed for play. But if its like ours, its laid out as a shrub border and kids playing in it would just trash the whole thing permanently

Personally, I'd leave it,why risk a fall out?. Her youngest are 8 and 10? Couple more yrs and it will be all Xbox and no more footballs

Sorry the op hadn't mentioned 'riff raff'. Are all the other neighbours childless or with grown up kids? I suspect the tone might change when grandchildren are old enough to be playing on there.

As I've been at pains to point out, it's not the playing that's the issue, although I'm sure the area was never intended for that purpose. Why can't they clear their stuff off and put it away, park the bikes on their own drive etc?

I have spoken to the mother and have a generally good neighbourly relationship with her. She is aware that I'm not alone in being unhappy with the kids playing and leaving their stuff about and I'm sure she has tried to keep things within reasonable levels. She puts it down to boys being boys .... !!!

There are no covenants, as far as I'm aware, to prevent this use of the area. There are some in place to prevent parking of vehicles, but that's not the issue.

I think before you tackle this with the parents, you need to be sure that the majority of the neighbours are going to back you up. Nothing worse that 'we would like it if you would.......' only to have the rest of the neighbours say 'Oh, I don't have a problem'.

I think it's brilliant to live in a street where kids play out. It is very rare these days and a very positive thing for kids to be able to do. It does sound like they could be a bit more considerate though. Perhaps arrange a friendly meeting with neighbours - it is Christmas, invite them round for mulled wine, and bring it up, kindly.

Either that or move. In the vast majority of streets in the UK, kids don't play out.

Since you've mentioned noise. Clearly you do have a problem with them playing. Kids playing will involve some noise. And whether you like it or not I don't think you have any say over where they leave their bikes.

The state of their garden was relayed to me by their next door neighbour (we're opposite) who can see over the fence and who are equally fed up with the general levels of disrespect, mess and noise......

Sounds like they can't win. Play in the garden and their neighbour complains. When they aren't sticking their nosy beak over the fence and hoiking their bosom at the state of the herbaceous border.

i would hate to live in a street where kids play out. I would be constantly worried about footballs, and bike handles damaging my car. But then i was brought up by a mother who thought kids should play in their back gardens or down the play park. Not in the road. Roads aren't designed for people to play in. I would have thought there were security issues as well - it only takes one van driver in a hurry and it doesn't bear thinking about. And i say all this as the mother of lots of boys

Playing wouldn't bother me. Trashing the place (which is what is actually happening) is another. I'm all for kids playing outside as long as they do it safely and with respect for property. These boys are old enough to respect the property and YANBU to raise that with the parents. I think YABU to ban playing completely unless it's against the freehold or something as long as they property around them is respected.

Cul de sacs are definitely for playing out in. I grew up roaming the streets on my bike and roller skates (as well as in the garden) in the 80s and I'm so glad my kids have had the same freedoms. It's very different "playing out" to playing in the garden.

playingout.net/why/

I think I'd leave it. As someone else said, they won't be playing out for much longer and you can always ask them to pay for re turfing the grass if it's in that bad a state at the end of the winter.

I think the 'balls might hit cars' worry should be kept separate from the 'damaging the grass' worry as one is definitely happening whilst the other is a maybe.

Of course yabu this is what kids are meant to do! Play out, why should they be confined to their back gardens. Your complaining about what? A bit of grass? Its so sad to see a lack of children having proper childhoods, I would be pleased to see this happen. Your kids should join them.

We used to live in a house with communal areas. One neighbour's kids played football against our living room wall every day. Our new baby couldn't sleep for the noise. We politely asked the neighbour if her children could play football in their garden but she said children should never be told what to do. We moved and will never live in a place with communal areas again. But as already pointed out on here - your neighbour's sons will most likely be indoors on their devices all the time soon, so might not be a problem for much longer.

Of course you're not being unreasonable. They have a garden which they've trashed they should go back there and trash it some more.

Comments about the mum doing some work to keep the communal area nice - the OP said that 4 out of the 5 households pitch in too, and anyway cleaning up stuff you've trashed isn't exactly the same aultirism as taking your turn doing general maintenance.

I'd have another word and then either disengage and refuse to do anything else to undo any damage and let the boys absolutely trash it. At which point get a quote from a local gardener for a complete returf and replant and present this to the family.

I'll get flamed for this but fuck it, I would also be tempted to nick any balls and bikes left lying out. Do it at night, don't tell anyone and dispose of the items. Deny all knowledge. They won't do it again.

Sneak out, steal all the bikes and footballs and give to a charity shop.