Was this ungrateful?

[MarklahMarklah]

I don't work at the moment. If I am buying things for me or for my friends, I dip into my savings. (This is just to set the context for the fact that I don't have money to squander).

This morning I was out at our local shopping centre. I often see a homeless guy there, so stopped to check if he needed a coffee or a sandwich. He said he was fine, someone had just bought him some stuff. We chatted for a bit and I carried on around the shops where there is a Big Issue seller. She has a child a little younger than mine so I often stop for a chat, and to buy a magazine from her. She's a Romanian lady who always dresses very very modestly (feet and ankles covered, long skirts, head covered, neck covered - just her hands and face are visible), and I possibly stupidly inferred from this that she is Muslim. Today she was saying that she was hungry and very cold. I said I'd see what I could do to help as I didn't have much money.

I had to do some food shopping (which is paid for by DH), and having done that I stopped to buy a hot snack for the Big Issue seller. I spent ages looking at everything I could afford and in the end opted for a cup of hot tomato soup as I thought it was unlikely to include anything not halal, and I wasn't sure whether she would eat cheese or eggs (she has told me before she has dietary problems).

I went to give her the cup of soup and she said, "Oh, I don't like tomato. I like chicken, you could have got me a hot chicken sandwich."

Now, forgive me if I'm being judgy, but if someone had gone out of their way to get me something hot to eat when I was cold, I wouldn't have complained. She suggested that she couldn't eat soup in the street (she has a chair in a shop doorway) and again said she'd have preferred chicken. I said that I was sorry but I had now spent all my money as I'd also bought a magazine from her.

AIBU to think she was ungrateful?

[MarklahMarklah]

Again, I appreciate the feedback. Not wishing to sound as though I'm drip-feeding but she knows I am currently not working, as we have chatted about that before. In the past I've bought her hot and cold drinks, and I know that she sometimes has enough money to get a cup of coffee and some toast in the local cafe.

I did say I thought I was being possibly oversensitive and I take that on board. Her English is very good so it isn't a case that she was unable to express her needs/wants, but I think I can just chalk it up to us both having an off day. Some people are more plain-speaking than others. I'm at a disadvantage because I was brought up to be polite and to spare people's feelings - so every year when my mum's friend gave us bloody hideous jumpers I said thankyou and had to wear the damn thing the next time I saw her. :)

[junebirthdaygirl]

Sometimes when People are not speaking in their first language they can sound very abrupt. I have been flattened by this a few times as it sounds so harsh.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Shame you didn't just check with her if there was anything she didn't like/couldn't have - but glad it didn't go to waste.

I couldn't have eaten it either - it would have given me dreadful acid reflux and IBS (tomatoes do NOT agree with me) - but I'd have probably still taken it, said thanks, and then handed it on to the next person I saw.

[thrifttwig]

I used to chat and buy things for a homeless guy I would walk past daily. One day he gave me a bacon and egg sandwich someone else had given him as he didn't like bacon! He said he had been saving it all day for me as thought id be hungry after work.

[Guavaf1sh]

You sound like a very kind person indeed- doing something to try and help a person in need- when the vast majority of people don't want to know and don't care. The responses above criticising you for not asking what she wanted explain quite handily why the vast majority don't in fact care. Ignore them. What you did was kind. The big issue seller should have accepted with grace even if she did not intend to eat it. She was selling a magazine where being homeless is the major part of the selling mechanic - part of the guilt trip so when you buy the magazine what you get out of it (other than the awful magazine itself) is a feeling of having done a kind and generous thing. I hope you are not put off by her though if you are cash strapped giving to charity is perhaps not the best thing to do. Volunteer at a homeless shelter perhaps - you make a genuine difference and get the nice feeling of having helped as well

[MarklahMarklah]

Guava that's a good idea. I may do that in the new year - I think there is a place somewhere near me, as I'm sure the homeless guy I spoke to said he was nipping in there later.