School bake off- why do parents do this?

[tangerino]

Argh. There was a baking competition at my daughter's primary school a few days ago- a note came home asking parents only to give minimal supervision and we were even ask to sign a form confirming that this was the case. My daughter worked hard making some cupcakes and icing them- she did it all on her own and was v proud of what she'd done.

Of course when she got to school, she found that other people had brought in incredibly elaborate creations, some featuring spun sugar(!), almost all obviously done by the parents.

One mum has just put a picture of five tier rainbow cake her son took in, with a caption saying "Do I win mummy of the year?" No you do not, you fucking cheat.

Gaaargh, it drives me crazy. It's so unfair on the kids that do follow the rules. And what message does it give the children? What's the point?

[daydreamnation]

Sadly Paris parent was fairly awful, she openly admitted that she looked through other children's book bags when they came for tea, to compare reading levels!
I appreciate a class bear can be a wonderful thing but we felt ours was losing any meaning and sadly he was retired

[ImNotDancing]

I've done a google as well, what is the point of easter bonnets haha
Did not do that when I was a child!

[catkind]

Daydreamnation, I'm sure the parents were endlessly grateful for seeing the back of class bear. Should you wish to institute it again for the kids, DD's class have a mini (?a6) notebook each so they only ever bring home their own entries, ergo no competition. Perhaps you could do something like that.
I don't think Paris parent was so awful though. The idea is to get the kids talking about what they've been doing isn't it? I'd have thought it would be good to do that when they've got something exciting to talk about. DS's nursery particularly asked us to let them know if we were going somewhere and take class creature with us.
We are fortunate in that DD is a great class bear enthusiast and can be left to her own devices with it. Her teacher probably wishes we'd taken it to Paris though, so far DD mostly tells it what she had for tea. (There are 3 Bears in the class so they are frequent visitors.)

[PossumInAPearTree]

This thread will tell you all about Easter bonnets.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/937597-Sinister-Easter-bonnet

[ImNotDancing]

what on earth is an easter bonnet

[milliemolliemou]

It's not just primary school, though, is it? some parents continue to hover over their children right up to and beyond uni. I was going to say at least they can't do more than encourage with music, drama and sport .... but I'm sure people will think of some way. Agree with everyone saying it doesn't help DCs in the long run ... but this type of parent often has wonderful contacts to help DC get work qualifications/internships. Life = not fair.

[glitterazi]

YADNBU, this whole thing gets right on my last nerve!
Every Easter, we have an Easter bonnet or egg decorating contest at school. Some creations have clearly had no child input whatsoever and have been elbowed out of the way by show off mum and dad trying to win.
Now we have it on another level where we have home school projects to be handed in at the end of each term.
So say the topic was space, some fucker will have done a working model of the solar system with rotating planets and everything.
Bollocks did little Johnny get the chance to go anywhere near that!
Then on FB, you'll see posts like "we'd better get started on our model, all ready to help! The things we do for our kids!"
Takes all my strength to sit on my hands and say "No! Sit the fuck down and let your CHILD do the work like they're supposed to!!!"
Completely not fair on the kids who do all their own work. I'll obviously help with a glue gun or whatever, but the creating is supposed to be a, child's homework.
Ragh! Can you tell it winds me right up?!

[tornandhurt]

I remember very well having to bake a cake for my DD last minute - I had missed the letter and was late home from work. She needed to go to bed, but was worried she'd be told off for not making a cake for the xmas stall. So I stayed up and did it for her, not because I wanted her to win, but because it was my fault as I had forgotten.

Upshot was she actually won the bloody thing! - because apparently it was very clear that she had made it herself!!!! - poxy thing cost me £5 to buy back as naturally she wanted to bring it back home !!!!

[SecondaryQuandary]

Reading this with joy as my youngest now in Y6 and has the Final Bake Off event next week.

Last year, we made Kringles side by side, so I made one, she watched and did the same with her dough. It was great fun and meant we got one to eat at home. Did she win? Did she fuck. The kid with the elaborate sugar work and adult quality decorating won.

Whevs. It's the last year! [party central]

[daydreamnation]

These type of parents are also responsible for the death of the class bear!! We could take no more of pages and pages of glossy staged photos and endless boasting (none of which involved anyone's child!)
The final straw was a parent putting in a request to have 'Dan' on a particular weekend, so they could take him to Paris

[CalmDownBeyonce]

I still get cross about a primary school art competition that was won by a schoolmate's dad. We had to paint a picture of a house name sign and I went all over the village looking for an interesting one to use (since our house only had a number rather than a name!) and spent ages working on it and was pretty pleased with the results, even though I was never very gifted at art. Several friends were in the same boat, you could tell they'd all worked hard, but that it was definitely all their own work. Then in comes the girl with the artist father, who had shown zero artistic talent herself in the classroom, with a perfect replica of a house name sign. It was very good, but it wasn't her bloody work! She won the prize. I learnt a lesson that day. My teachers were idiots who were more interested in showing off 'good' art work in the hallways rather than genuine this-was-actually-made-by-an-8-year-old art attempts!

[blackheartsgirl]

Oh god this thread reminds me of a class competition I entered in when I was ten. Make the house you lived in or something. I had visions of me doing the cardboard box thing, with wool and egg boxes etc but no my dad who fancied himself as a bit good with a scalpel (he used to make his own model railways) completely took over and designed this super dooper hard cardboard house, completely to scale and identical to the house we lived in, even the roof lifted off and even had tiny stairs. I was not allowed to touch it and I was only allowed to colour in its roof. My parents were out raged when it was disqualified and complained to the governers about it in disgust. I've never lived it down and I'm still bitter my parents wouldn't let me just get on with it.

Thing is though I'm not entirely convinced that all teachers wouldnt give the prize to those whose parent s who took over, I know my teacher did but dd1 year 2 teacher awarded first prize to a child whose parent did the easter bonnet, this thing was beautiful but parent admitted afterwards that she did most of the work and she was one of the popular parents so I'm a bit me about it all

[daydreamnation]

Believe me, we hate this sort of thing and see all kind of hideous behaviour, often from the most well educated parents who for some reason totally lose the plot over the most trivial of school events.
I go out of my way to make sure that the children who genuinely have done something themselves are praised for doing so.
This year's Mary in my class nativity? The lovely little girl who has never been invited to any parties or play dates because her Mum doesn't 'fit' Don't think we don't notice the lonely figures who for whatever reason nobody talks to, sadly they are often the loveliest of parents with delightful children, they certainly never have the time (often money) or inclination to do school projects for their children and then brag about it on facebook!
Sorry, rant over. The op is just so sad to read.

[BlackNo1]

YANBU

tangerine, the parent who helps takes over is even more pathetic in that she needs to go onto a social network.. post a picture of her five tier rainbow cake and ask 'Do I win mummy of the year'.

Some people never leave school. They are still there - as parents. Still insecure...still desperate for recognition and attention.

There is guiding and helping, and then there's the take-over.
Teachers knows the kind of work each child is capable of - they teach their class Monday to Friday (usually), so how can they not know.
Thing is, this doesn't stop the parents
I put it all down to insecurity issues.

[Tarttlet]

Winged - you are aware that OCD is a highly-debilitating mental illness, right?

[catkind]

Aw Natalie, how sad for you. And it's not something you can really challenge as a child or parent because that's saying "the thing that won is so rubbish I know mine was better."

If parents are professional at something I'd expect the kids to have had lots of exposure from a young age, and crucially to have top quality ingredients and equipment lying around. I would expect professional-looking output from the kids too.

And that's without counting the kids who huge enthusiasms which are supported by but not shared by the parents. One I know is massively into woodwork, so he goes to a woodwork club and produces amazing stuff. Another it is baking. Another sewing. Loads are into electronics. DS is only slightly interested but as a result of events he's been to we have bits hanging around the house that he could easily cobble into lighting up eyes for a construction or something if he was so inclined.

I think there's a danger of people equating my child couldn't to no child could. I wouldn't assume anything's parent-made unless I've actually seen the kid in action and know they're not capable. And even so I'd be cautious. As a child occasionally I got into something and made a particular effort and produced something way out of my normal range.

Perhaps they should only have competitions for things that are actually done in school. Except they're a bit busy learning aren't they?

[Beachcomber]

It is quite weird behaviour and so obvious.

My DD2 aged 9 made a cake for their school fete baking competition - all the kids were asked what they had made and you could hear parents whispering stuff like "it's a deconstructed cardamom and star anis infused cheesecake" to prompt their poor child who was holding a microphone and didn't have a clue what they had supposedly made. There were props and tiny glasses all over the shop.

DD, when it came to her turn said "it's giant cupcake with our school name on it in marzipan. I made it."

I wanted to cheer

[WingedSloath]

I've had this. I had to let go of my OCD and let Ds1 bake (fine) but decorate? Worst thing you have ever seen so he did chocolate cakes with chocolate icing smeared on top with some smarties for Children in Need.

As every child in his year was doing this, he took in 2 cakes as he wanted to buy 2 cakes himself.

I saw another mother -competitive parent extraordinaire- bring her "daughter's" cakes in in one of those greengrocer boxes, you know the kind that hold 80 apples?

There are 90 children in a year group all of whom may have brought a cake in and she brings in 30 cakes. 30.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Groovee, I would think that prizes for the 'Best Professional Cake Maker would just make all these dicks compete harder... now if it was for 'Most Ridiculous Attempt to Win a Child's Competition'*, that might do it!

[MackerelOfFact]

I was another precocious meticulous child who never won anything like this at school because it was always assumed my parents had helped.

Once I even had to miss a breaktime because a supply teacher had asked us to write a story, and decided that apparently mine was 'copied from a book.' It wasn't, and when I tried to explain I got in trouble for lying!

Sometimes it's hard to tell but in the OP's example, that's clearly not on.

[angryangryyoungwoman]

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff

I was an antisocial, pretentious and book-gobbling small child

You know, in a very real sense, at the age of 37, I still am.

[Notso]

In the bake off at my DC school they have to ice buns and finalists have to decorate their cakes live in the school hall which cuts out any parental competitiveness.

[DirtyDancing]

It's just so sad for the kids. The parents should allow them to do it, have fun and be creative. God, nothing worse than an over bearing parent telling you what to do.

I have a 3 yo DS and learnt this very early on when I caught myself correcting his sticking!! Don't know what possessed me to straighten his sticker.. but he then lost confidence sticking for a while. Anyway lesson learnt thankfully. My son will be the one with the beautiful, gorgeous wonky, messy cupcakes made with love!

[NatalieRushman]

I absolutely hate these "make something at home and take it in" competitions. One of my worst memories at school is one of these projects.

It was the yeat I had moved cities, and just started at a new primary school. I was an extremely arty child, so when I realised we had a project to build a dinosaur, I was absolutely thrilled. I refused to let my parents anywhere near my model of a dinosaur because I was worried they would mess it up for me. They both had form for ruining my drawings and paintings by mounting them onto card wonky. I was much neater.

I had removed the little pack of lights from a Christmas card, and inserted them into the eyes of the dinosaur, and even used my own pocket money to buy a miniature voice recorder thing that only recorded once, to stick in my dinosaurs mouth. I'd spent hours on it, only to lose out to someone else's dinosaur.

And I knew exactly why. Because when I showed my teacher the light's and sounds on my dinosaur, she said "gosh, is your daddy an engineer?" No. Neither of my parents could so much as draw a stick figure. It was ALL MY WORK.

That poor, unsuspecting teacher never did discover the reason for my everlasting hatred for her.

[abbsisspartacus]

Its unfortunately common my son has sadly learned by age 7 his efforts wont be rewarded because they are not as good as the adults it makes getting him to do craft homework an issue the time when he did do a great job building a castle a jealous child broke some bricks off by "accident"