To be left feeling uncomfortable about this conversation.

[DeleteOrDecay]

As I was putting dc in the car after picking up the eldest from nursery, I noticed one of the parents drive past in their car. Shortly after one of the grandparents of one of the children in dd's class, who I've chatted to briefly before, walked past and started talking to me. She mentioned the car which had just driven past the school, and how the child in the back wasn't strapped in and she knew this because he was 'leaning forward'.

She then went on to say that 'those asians get away with it don't they, not like us'. I was a bit by this, and was busy getting dc strapped in so I kind of just made an 'mmm' sound and then she left. But it's left me feeling a bit uncomfortable and now I feel like I don't really want to talk to this grandparent anymore as we clearly have differing views. I didn't see whether the child in the back was strapped in or not but I don't see how race/where someone comes from was relevant. Aibu to feel uncomfortable about this brief encounter?

[Gottagetmoving]

"Some older people don't think they are being racist and it doesn't mean they are a horrible person. It is just ignorance

Says the ageist person. Since when was racism confined to the elderly? This idea that racism was viewed as acceptable until relatively recently is just rubbish

I said SOME older people don't think they are being racist.
That is a factual comment.
There is nothing 'ageist' in what I said.
The remark the woman made is racist. Younger people may make the same remark but there is much more awareness today, which younger people know more than older people do.
Older people never thought racism was acceptable - They were not aware they were being racist at all.

[BertrandRussell]

"When the OFSTED, incidentally, gave it pretty much all '3's, stating that able DC weren't being stretched. When months of notice were given for OFSTED inspections. Maybe OFSTED did ask 'lots of questions', but maybe the school's answer was 'We're being overwhelmed by new NES DC every year, we don't have the staffing or resources to keep the native born DC at level as well as try and bring up our NES DC'."

So a school didn't do well by its pupils, and was marked accordingly. I fail to see the issue.

[BertrandRussell]

"Older people never thought racism was acceptable - They were not aware they were being racist at all."

Bollocks.

[anotherdayanothersquabble]

BTW Totally normal to play this over in your head afterwards and be shocked and think of a dozen different ways in which you might have reacted differently. Difficult to react with the text book response at the time.

[llangennith]

Bertrandrussell I have to disagree. When I was a child 60 years ago there were words used and attitudes prevalent that today we know and accept are horribly racist. It's a generation thing and she probably didn't think she was being racist. I would probably have laughed and said, "That's a bit racist isn't it? And you can't generalise." No need to blank her.

[eatsleephockeyrepeat]

BTW Totally normal to play this over in your head afterwards and be shocked and think of a dozen different ways in which you might have reacted differently. Difficult to react with the text book response at the time.

100% this. We're all heroes on MN in our heads. Often less so in the moment.

[purplefizz26]

YANBU, just keep at arms length and avoid lengthy conversations. Some people are just bloody ignorant.

I had a similar comment with my health visitor believe it or not which resulted in me requesting a chance of HV. She was talking about dental hygiene and weaning, and said in certain areas she promotes jarred/pouch food rather than home cooking as they have a high Asian population and they eat rich food like curry and aren't as good at keeping on top of cleaning teeth

[BertrandRussell]

Draylon, yes I know.

And your issue with ESL pupils is?

[AntiqueSinger]

I thoroughly agree with getalong regarding some older people having views/making comments, that they do not necessarily deem to be racist but which are. I know plenty of seemingly lovely old people who have totally un-self-consciously started calling me 'coloured' or referred to different cultures in a very stereotypical way. Or implied that the country was better before all the indians, coloureds, asians, pols came over. I put it down to ignorance, self indulgence and being too old to be bothered to change their views. I'm certainly not going to try. I just leave it.

Its worth noting that my carribbean mother-in-law completely shocked me three years ago when she said she disapproved of mixed race relationships, due to the trouble they caused society and as the children will 'never belong anywhere' I seriously had to bite my tongue that day. She has always made reference to my and ds's fair skin too, in a joking way, but since then I've had to wonder how much she really believes the 'jokes' she makes.

[AntiqueSinger]

typo gottagetmoving

[BertrandRussell]

Ah. So a school used its ESL pupils as an excuse for being crap and you bought it. I understand now.

[mrscarrotironfoundersson]

Bertrand Please believe me that this is a real issue for some parents. Saying that Ofsted and Schools wouldn't allow it doesn't make it fact.
There's a CofE primary in Oldham (I can't remember which one so don't bother asking) with not one pupil who identifies as White British, all the WB children have now left and enrolled in neighbouring schools (now oversubscribed) Ofsted may have no issues but the children and their parents did.

The fact that the majority vote for the UK was for Leave and one of the central debates was on immigration is central to the feelings that people had but didn't feel like they could say. Not all people who voted leave are racist...

[WindPowerRanger]

Oh no I wouldn't completely blank her, that would be really awkward... Happy to smile and say hello at pick up but that's it iykwim.

In which case, I can't quite see what the problem is.

[AntiqueSinger]

How would you define it then Mrscarrot? And surely you can find the name of the school in question?

[mrscarrotironfoundersson]

Define which bit please?

And no, I'm not trawling the internet to find the name, wasting enough time on here as it is.

[FucksSakeSusan]

Draylon, you might want to have a little look at something called 'confirmation bias' regarding being able to predict who is going to be late to your appointments...

[BertrandRussell]

"There's a CofE primary in Oldham (I can't remember which one so don't bother asking) with not one pupil who identifies as White British, all the WB children have now left and enrolled in neighbouring schools (now oversubscribed) Ofsted may have no issues but the children and their parents did."

Why have the WB children left?

[FucksSakeSusan]

Mrscarrot ...but all the racists voted leave!

[Yawnyawnallday]

For what it's worth we have a non-buckle up -er at our school. "Bloody Catholics - think it's a different law for them. " (I'm a Catholic btw).
If anyone said that near me I would struggle to restrain myself. Some people are crap with seatbelts. The overwhelming majority isn't. Nothing to do with ethnicity or religion. A lot to do with being shit.

[mrscarrotironfoundersson]

I don't think ALL racists voted leave..?

Bertrand, well I didn't speak to each one personally so I'm not qualified to answer. Why do you think?

[justicewomen]

Well Draylon I am somewhat sceptical about another of your claims. You skirt around the precise claim but seem to imply that (presumably) non-white British people are more likely to not attend health appointments.

I work in a related sector and with a wide variety of communities including white British and my experience is completely the opposite- that you cannot judge reliability by a name or ethnic background. The only commonality is that people with mental healthcare difficulties or poor transport links often don't attend but that is understandable. The academic literature also does not show any great correlation.

My suspicion is that you are seeing patterns which don't exist to justify your subconcious biases