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AIBU?

To not want her to babysit

45 replies

MrsMcAvoy · 22/11/2016 11:51

My best friend and godmother to my 9 month old DS keeps asking to have him for a few hours one weekend. I know I'm probably being silly but I don't really want her to take him.
She loves him to bits and I know she'd look after him, but I feel as though only myself and DH know his ways and how to deal with him. Does that sound daft? Like if he starts crying, or wants a nap, we know how to deal with it. Whereas I'm anxious she will take him and he will want something and she won't know how to deal with it. AIBU?

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Hellmouth · 22/11/2016 11:57

I personally would jump at the chance. If you know his cues for when he's tired or hungry, just tell her. If there is a particular way he likes to be comforted, just tell her. The alternative is never letting anyone look after him ...

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PurpleDaisies · 22/11/2016 11:58

It's totally your choice, but haven't you had any time to yourself in nine months?

I think it's great she wants to take her role as godmother seriously and get to know you baby. If he starts crying, she can deal with it. It's not rocket science.

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SaucyJack · 22/11/2016 11:59

It doesn't sound daft at all. He's only a baby. 99% of them prefer a familiar face at that age.

Don't be too rude in your refusal tho; in 2 years time you'll be stopping strangers in the street and begging them to take him.

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HollowTalk · 22/11/2016 11:59

If I was working all week then no, I'd want to spend the weekend with my child. If I was a SAHM then I would let her take the baby out for an hour.

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ShowMePotatoSalad · 22/11/2016 12:00

You could start small. Ask her if she's willing to come to your house to take care of him, as he has everything he needs at your house. Then go and have a nice long bath, or go out for a bit.

At the end of the day, it's your choice and you shouldn't feel pressured.

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allofthestress · 22/11/2016 12:00

If you chose her to be godmother you must trust her and want them to have a relationship.
If you know his cues then tell her and let her have a try when you're free one weekend - then you're available if it doesn't work out.

Better than never trying and then being stuck if you need someone to watch him one day

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TwentyCups · 22/11/2016 12:04

Let her! It's lovely that she wants to and will give you some time to yourself.

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MrsMcAvoy · 22/11/2016 12:41

I often leave him with my MIL and DH, but I haven't really left him with anyone else. I know it's lovely of her to ask but I'm concerned I'll just be worrying all the time he's gone. He doesn't really have any cues, he just gets irritable when he's tired, and his method of comfort is usually his boob so unfortunately I can't send that with her!

I may suggest her coming to the house and having him rather than going out somewhere. Maybe DH and I could nip out somewhere for some food and start off that way?

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PeachBellini123 · 22/11/2016 12:45

I'd start off small as you have said. But it's lovely that your baby has a godmother who obviously cares about him very much.

Plus he's baby: their needs are pretty simple! I think having time to yourself is important

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AtrociousCircumstance · 22/11/2016 12:47

If you don't want to, don't.

You don't have to meet her needs. She wants to have time with your DC? Well it isn't her right to demand.

She's made a nice offer but needs to stop hassling you.

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WyfOfBathe · 22/11/2016 14:07

It's up to you, and don't let her force you into anything.

On the other hand, unless your baby has any special/unusual needs, I doubt that she would be incapable of looking after him for an hour or two. You obviously don't leave a boob with DH or MIL, and they manage okay.

You could start off "small", e.g. let her look after him at yours while you cook dinner for you all or take him to hers for less than an hour so that you can go to the supermarket.

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user1479676064 · 22/11/2016 14:10

It's not daft at all, it's so hard letting go even for a few months and even at 9 months!
But on the other hand would you not want a bit of a break? I wish people would offer to look after mine 🙈

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user1479676064 · 22/11/2016 14:11

Hours not months 🙈

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ninkynonk14 · 22/11/2016 15:28

It's perfectly fine to be anxious - I was the same. However, dd started going to nursery and gps one so went back to work and wished I'd got her used to more time away earlier.

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crayfish · 22/11/2016 15:34

I was the same while I was on maternity leave, I really didn't think anyone could take care of DS like me or DH. Now he goes to DMIL and nursery while I work full-time and I have realised that all his little cues can be read by other people! Also, he's quite different in other settings - at home he only ever sleeps in his cot but at nursery he falls asleep anywhere and at his grans he will sleep in her arms - never would he do that at home.

It's up to you of course, but the more often you let trusted people look after you child then the more confident both they and you become. Then, when you really need a babysitter, it doesn't seem like such a big deal.

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angelofmylifetime · 22/11/2016 15:48

I personally think it can really benefit a baby to be occasionally looked after by others. Although I understand your anxiety OP, there will at some point be a situation where you need someone to look them. I did not like others caring for my children, though their godmother did while after I was in the house (sleeping or in the bath). Then when we had to attend my FIL's funeral there was someone who had already cared for them ready to jump in, at what was obviously a stressful time for us, but not for them who were used to her. I know also my young grandson who is the most confident and happy little boy has so benefited from being cared for by different members of the family and trusted friends. Not only is it a break for my daughter but also an important part of his development too. So when you feel the time is right do leave your baby with his godmother for a little bit, their relationship will benefit from it, and maybe yours also.

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Trifleorbust · 22/11/2016 15:55

Up to you, but yes it does sound daft. Babies aren't that hard to take care of for a couple of hours.

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yoowhoo · 22/11/2016 15:56

Does she have much experience with childcare? My very good friend has a little one who I spend lots of time with (I'm sort of an adopted auntie as they aren't religious so didn't do christening) I never forced anything on them. Mind you, I want to see my friend as well as her child. She always knows the offer is there and has, on occasion, left her with me. I would not keep asking her though. I do have a godchild though who was exclusively breastfed but I had the baby quite a lot from a young age. Even just for the mum to nip out for an hour. She very much trusted me and will be leaving her second with me too (I don't even live near them anymore!)

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witsender · 22/11/2016 16:01

It isn't a matter of being reasonable or not...if you don't want to you don't have to. I wouldn't have left one that age with anyone other than DH, and I know he felt the same.

If actually you would like a break or whatever but are worrying...then take a breath, brief her, give lots of bottles if that's the feeding method and let her have him. If she loves him as you say, then that's the best start.

But you're not being odd to not want to, and she would be wrong to put pressure on you were she to, no-one has a right to babysit.

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MrsMcAvoy · 22/11/2016 16:13

No YooWhoo she doesn't have much experience with children other than when she's been with myself and DS. She doesn't have her own children or anything.

I would appreciate the time to myself, especially as she has said she'd have him on a weekend so that would mean some alone time for me and DH. I think I'm just worried she might not realise how demanding babies can be!

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Trifleorbust · 22/11/2016 16:16

I am 99.999% sure she will be absolutely fine and your DS will enjoy his day out. As I said, it is up to you and no-one should ever try to pressure you, but it sounds like you would appreciate the break. She can always bring him back if he is upset, which I am willing to bet he won't be!

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SnotGoblin · 22/11/2016 16:20

I couldn't have left my firstborn with anyone but by the time number two rolled around, I'd throw them at anyone foolish enough to offer. It is completely up to you. Don't feel guilty about it either way.

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Notonthestairs · 22/11/2016 16:25

What abouttrying it for an hour or 90 minutes in your house - enough time for you to pop to the shops or a cafe. I think this sort of thing needs a bit of practice and for the first few times for you not to go to far so you know you can be home in a few minutes and he's in a safe enviroment.
And tell her to be completely honest - e.g. if he cries for 40 minutes to tell you (its not her fault afterall just maybe he's not ready) - and you'll try again in a couple of months.
But only if you want to - there shouldnt be any pressure.

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ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 22/11/2016 16:34

I think you're being a tiny bit precious. Looking after a baby isn't rocket science and you can tell her his preferences, nap times etc and she could ring you if there's a problem.
As suggested, leave him for an hour or so at first, with instructions for her to ring you if there's a problem?

I think it's good if your child can be left with a trusted friend or relation as there maybe a time when you need a babysitter he is familiar with.

That's my opinion, of course it's entirely up to you .

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Italiangreyhound · 22/11/2016 16:45

MrsMcAvoy it is totally not daft! It is totally fine to not want other people to look after your baby.

If you decide to let her look after baby at some point in the future, make sure you feel comfortable with her ability. Despite what others might think it is not always easy to look after a baby well. Some might do a brilliant job, some not. The key thing is, do you think she is a safe person to look after your baby, alone. If you think she is, then go ahead, when ready (as others suggest leave him for a set time with her in your own home and do whatever you wish with that time). If you do not think she is a safe person to look after baby, don't leave him with her.

Children are precious, and there is nothing wrong in caring about who gets to look after them, especially at the stage where they cannot talk or tell you what they need.

If your friend keeps on nagging/offering, just say you will ask her when you are ready. Do not be pushed into something because another adult wants it, that isn't fair on the baby.

But I agree with others there can be a time when a baby needs to be looked after, emergency, health issues for parents, funerals, whatever, and then it is good if baby can be with someone else, but only if that person can look after them well.

And a reminder, you are not being silly, don't let anyone tell you that you are.