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AIBU?

To not want her to babysit

45 replies

MrsMcAvoy · 22/11/2016 11:51

My best friend and godmother to my 9 month old DS keeps asking to have him for a few hours one weekend. I know I'm probably being silly but I don't really want her to take him.
She loves him to bits and I know she'd look after him, but I feel as though only myself and DH know his ways and how to deal with him. Does that sound daft? Like if he starts crying, or wants a nap, we know how to deal with it. Whereas I'm anxious she will take him and he will want something and she won't know how to deal with it. AIBU?

OP posts:

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Colby43443 · 22/11/2016 17:27

Unsure why she's a godmother to your child if you don't trust her to babysit? Not a dig, genuinely curious.

You do need to be careful how you reject her tho. My sil wouldn't let me babysit nephew despite a number of requests, laughing it off as if I was joking and it really hurt. More so because I was babysitting sister's kids from day dot and wasn't doing a terrible job.

MrsMcAvoy · 22/11/2016 17:47

It's not that I don't trust her Colby I think it's just more of a concern that DS will have a paddy or something and she won't know how to console him. Or something along those lines.
Probably completely unjustified on my part!

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 22/11/2016 18:01

it's just more of a concern that DS will have a paddy or something and she won't know how to console him

What's the worst that happens the ? He cries a lot and then you come home?

Chances are she'll be sensible and do all the standard things that people who have ever seen someone else with a child do and he'll stop.

Only1scoop · 22/11/2016 18:03

Just go out for a couple of hours. Don't go far and then if she desperately needs you, you're back.

Colby43443 · 22/11/2016 18:09

I've never experienced a paddy that a cuddle and a 'sightseeing' trip to the fridge (pointing out all the veg) didn't sort out lol. She'll be fine.

Blueskyrain · 22/11/2016 18:17

If you want to leave him, that's fine, but if in the future you are complaining that you have no child free time, and little quality time with your husband, then I'd have little sympathy.

Babies aren't hard to look after, she'll be fine. If you can get used to having time without him, then it will gradually get easier, and you'll better achieve a happy balance in your life.

MrsMcAvoy · 22/11/2016 18:47

Haha Colby Yes I do that with the fridge most days! 'Here's what you're having for dinner, here's mummy's wine...'

I know you're all right! I'll speak to DH when he's home and see if we can arrange a Saturday afternoon and just start with an hour or so away or something

OP posts:

CheshireChat · 22/11/2016 19:22

Why don't you go to a nearby café? It doesn't take as long to order it drink/ eat and you won't waste a fortune on food you may end up abandoning.

More likely than not, he'll be absolutely fine and cry when she leaves.

Looneytune253 · 22/11/2016 19:26

Youur feelings are completely natural but if you've chosen her as godmother would it not be best to let her have a practice run in case the worst ever did happen. If she knows nothing about having to look after the little one and little one doesn't know her then it would be harder in an already difficult situation , at least if you give it a try now and then you would be in a better position long term?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 22/11/2016 19:30

Baby steps to leaving him, MrsMc ! He's still very little but occasionally leaving him with trusted people will help to avoid separation anxiety when he does start nursery or preschool. An hour would be fine for now and build it up if you wish.
Just try to resist ringing every five minutes like I did when I left my first born for the first time .

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 22/11/2016 19:31

I think I also wrote a detailed list of instructions for my MIL the first time she looked after my son .

She threw it in the bin!

PurpleDaisies · 22/11/2016 19:41

Your feelings are completely natural but if you've chosen her as godmother would it not be best to let her have a practice run in case the worst ever did happen.

You're out of date-godparents don't become responsible for their godchildren on the death of their parents any more.

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 22/11/2016 19:46

ILostIt I gave my DM an Excel spreadsheet. Not sure how I thought I'd made it to adulthood myself!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 22/11/2016 19:52

A spreadsheet? Ha ha, it probably seemed completely essential at the time.

My MIL was most put out with my instruction booklet.

MrsMcAvoy · 22/11/2016 20:14

When I tried to give my MIL some tips on his feeding, sleeping arrangements etc she told me she'd raised two children & didn't need telling what to do.

When I returned he had left me a nice little present in his nappy which she hadn't noticed (which is ridiculous considering the stench!) plus she'd not fed him as 'she was scared he would choke'

I think DH and I will probably go into town and grab a quick coffee or something, and just have an hour of alone time. If everything is ok next time we can maybe make it a meal. I know how lucky I am that she's offered, I suppose some people aren't that fortunate to have babysitters on hand!

OP posts:

jayisforjessica · 22/11/2016 21:28

You could start small by asking if she'd like to come to yours and mind him while you have a lie down/bath/some you time. Then if he starts creating you're literally right there, and she gets to feel like she's helping you - which is probably all she wants.

eggyface · 22/11/2016 21:47

Before I had children I always used to ask my sister if I could help her out - she has 3. I honestly wanted to give her a break and she was so evasive. Sometimes I'd go round thinking I was coming to help with children so she could go out then would feel a bit sad and frustrated as she wouldn't go out, just stayed right with them. I felt my genuine desire to help was sort of being thrown in my face. It felt like a waste of my weekend!

Now, I wish she had explained to me:
A) when you have a baby you might not want a break in the same way you imagine before - actually, just doing the same afternoon at home as usual, but with another friendly adult around to hold baby /hang out the washing /make tea is, in fact, a great help and a sort of 'break'.

B)when you have a baby you want to only give it to someone who knows it really really well - so if you want to take the baby for 2 hours you need to put in lots of 'flying hours' just hanging with the baby first, to reassure both baby and mummy.

You could try explaining how it's a bit different from what your friend might think, and as pps have said, ask her to have baby while you're in the house initially. Just make sure she knows you appreciate her kindness and are trying to find a way to make it work - i wish my DSis had done that!

Italiangreyhound · 22/11/2016 21:48

To be fair PurpleDaisies "What's the worst that happens the ? He cries a lot and then you come home?"

You don't know that, do you.

My kids have 10 God parents between them. All lovely, great people, mostly chosen because I thought they would be good God parents, and one because she is a lovely friend who has no kids, was very supportive and I felt it would be good for her. I don't see all of them that often and there are about half who would probably not be great babysitters for my kids.

Parents need to make their own choices about who looks after their kids. being a God parent is not necessarily someone who will look after your kids.
"I know you're all right! I'll speak to DH when he's home and see if we can arrange a Saturday afternoon and just start with an hour or so away or something" Great, if that is what you want to do. I am sure baby will be fine but if you decide not to, that's fine too. You don't owe your friend a 'time' of looking after your baby! BUT if you value her offer, and enjoy the time she is willing to look after her Godson, that is great.

Re "When I tried to give my MIL some tips on his feeding, sleeping arrangements etc she told me she'd raised two children & didn't need telling what to do."

Yes but when I was young I am pretty sure the advice re sleeping etc was quite different. Car seats were unheard of. Why should people resent being given advice. I hope when/if my kids have kids and they share their advice/concerns I won't throw them in the bin.

"When I returned he had left me a nice little present in his nappy which she hadn't noticed (which is ridiculous considering the stench!) plus she'd not fed him as 'she was scared he would choke' "

I rest my case

Babies are not hat easy to look after, they are noisy, smelly, scary, lovely, and most of all their parents get to say who looks after them!

puglife1 · 22/11/2016 21:57

It's totally your call. I know how you feel. I also have a very clingy 13 month old. He won't go to anyone. He only ever wants me and I haven't had much time apart since he was born. It's not healthy but I don't really have anyone to have him.
Maybe you could ask her to have him an hour at your house and then build up from there.

Thegirlonthebus · 22/11/2016 22:50

How about starting off by having her over for an evening and getting her involved with your routine? At each stage like nappy change, bedtime etc get her doing things while you talk her through how you do it. She'll enjoy it and will feel more comfortable babysitting as she'll know how you do things.

As a friend I'd be totally OK with someone saying to me - I'd love you to babysit and spend more time with the little one, why don't you come over for dinner one night and see how our routine works so you're all ready to go solo?

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