WIBU to tell DS he can't drive this journey?

[velvetspoon]

DS is 18, passed his test just over 2 months ago. He is a very too confident driver, although so far he has only driven locally (about a 10 mile radius of our house, though this does include some dual carriageway driving. Mostly though as we are in London, well the outskirts, it's just local, very busy roads).

This weekend he wants to go and see one of his friends who is away at Uni. The uni is about 50 miles from here. He wants to drive himself and 3 friends there in my car (we share it).

I have said no.

I think it's too far, and he is too inexperienced (the drive is mostly motorway, he hasn't driven on a motorway yet). Also the car is tiny, old, and in the 18m since i bought it, it's only been driven over 60 a couple of times (it doesn't like it!) and never for more than 20 miles.

So I have said I'll drive him to the nearest station, where he can get a direct train to the uni town, taking about an hour. Train will cost about £20 (which I've also said I'll contribute towards).

He is very keen to drive, and is now sad-facing me.

Should I stick to my guns?

[NerrSnerr]

I would still go out with him for a drive down the motorway. One of you drive to the first services and the other one drive back. The motorway is not that scary and statistically much safer than driving on other roads.

[CQ]

You've done the right thing, OP. Too high a risk and too much to lose if anything goes wrong with the car.

As you say, it's YOUR car - you are doing him a favour by letting him drive it but you still have the last word on where he takes it.

If his friends can't afford the train then they don't go. Simple. Not your problem and you shouldn't feel guilty. Doesn't look like any of their parents are offering up their car does it? So why should you.

He needs to get motorway experience on short journeys, with no friends in the car to distract him.

[Evariste]

I've had insurance for my two for the last 3 years and none of the many insurers I've looked at has given discount for pass plus. Their driving instructor told me that as well and while he would have done PP he reckoned the only part he hadn't covered in lessons was motorway driving so we did that separately.

[MrsJayy]

Yes you need to get him on the motorway asap

[velvetspoon]

I can stop him, because it's my car. If it was his own car, I accept I would have far less influence. However I'd still be suggesting he practice first/ only take one passenger.

None of the friends can drive, so it's DS drives or they get the train. But tbh if they can't afford the train fare are they likely to give him petrol money? Probably not.

[velvetspoon]

There's not really time to give him any practice during the week; next weekend we can certainly do a little trip on the motorway though.

I should add I've also spoken to my bf about it, he is of a similar view to me, and says that even if DS avoids the motorway he still thinks 60 miles (which the non motorway route would be) is too far to drive this particular car, and wouldn't even be happy if it was me doing it.

[PurpleDaisies]

There's not really time to give him any practice during the week; next weekend we can certainly do a little trip on the motorway though.

Why do you need to be with him? He's been deemed a competent driver. He could practice alone.

[MrsJayy]

Ah it's your car fair enough but do get him on the motorway and let him be all sad faced about the train

[MrsJayy]

They need to build up driving experience or whats the point of them learning to drive. My dd had to do night driving at 18 because her boyfriends mum wouldn't let him drive at night

[NerrSnerr]

I don't think it helps that the motorway seems to be built up to this hugely scary experience.

[PurpleDaisies]

I totally agree Nerr. It's just a road.

[velvetspoon]

The point of him practicing on the motorway is making sure that he's safe, so there needs to be someone with him to check that; he doesn't think he needs any practice. Like I said, he is a very confident driver.

He drives at night and has done since he passed - one of his friends who has a car doesn't drive at night though as driving after 9pm attracts a penalty score on his telematics box.

[PurpleDaisies]

The point of him practicing on the motorway is making sure that he's safe, so there needs to be someone with him to check that; he doesn't think he needs any practice. Like I said, he is a very confident driver.

He does not need anyone to check he is safe. He has passed his driving test. There is no requirement for anyone else to be with him on the motorway.

[MrsJayy]

Im not a driver so cant really comment about the scary motorway but the day dd got her car Dh had her on it. She needed her car to get her places she needed to know how to drive on a motorway to get where she needed to be, as i said whats the point of them learning to drive if they are prevented from driving.

[Flisspaps]

If he can drive on a dual carriageway, he can drive on a motorway!

If he can't drive on a dual carriageway, he shouldn't be on the road.

[NotCitrus]

You can call a driving school and both of you could have a driving lesson on the motorway as a one-off. It was £20 well spent (probably 25 now).

[velvetspoon]

The speed limit on nearby dual carriageways is 50, plus they are always busy so often you don't get much over 30-40. It's quite different from motorway driving imo.

I doubt he'd be willing to pay for a motorway lesson with an instructor though that may be an option if he won't come out with me.

[PurpleDaisies]

But surely his driving instructor will have taken him on 70mph roads?

[VivienneWestwoodsKnickers]

Purple, my nearest 70mph Road was 2hrs drive away when I learned to drive in Cornwall, so I know it's not always possible for that to have happened in lessons. Even now it's an hour and a half from one end of the county to the motorway in the next county.....

[VivienneWestwoodsKnickers]

Sorry, badly written - no dual carriageway near us at that point. Still no motorway in County. Now lots of dual carriageway, but I still think motorway driving is very different from dual carriageway.

[One2another]

He won't learn if you dot give him the opportunity.
That said, he's 18 and going to meet up with a student friend at his student accommodation, try and make him be aware of the advantages of not driving i.e. He can a few beers.

[TheCatsMother99]

Whether you let him or not, I'd get him to start driving on motorways as soon as possible, starting at quiet times until he is confident. You don't need to go with him, just get him to go for a drive on his own (like I did).

I was familiar with the M25 a month after I passed my test, I was 17, and that wasn't because I had to use it it was because I wanted to. My DM isn't confident on motorways and I didn't want it to rub off on me so I just got on with it... I'm so glad I did.

[viques]

Just say no, on a motorway a moments distraction (3 friends!) could cause injury or death to him, his friends and more importantly from my point of view - apologies if this is distressing - but to other people who could be my friends and relations. Even if he is not driving at speed other drivers will be and the combined speeds would be lethal.

Also at this time of year it is dark early, I am an experienced driver but a motorway at night, possibly with rain or fog it being November, is my driving hate.

[HarrietVane99]

OP hasn't said which motorway, but if it's the M2, for example, there's a huge number of HGVs, many with foreign drivers who may not be used to English roads, and on a wet day conditions are horrible. Very different from a bit of local dual carriageway.

[velvetspoon]

The dual carriageways near here/ on test routes are all speed limited, mainly 50mph, there are a couple of small 60mph stretches. Anything 70mph is either motorway, or dual carriageways 10-15 miles away (so too far to have been covered in lessons).

Have to add, when I first took my test in Essex back in the early 1990s, none of us learnt on dual carriageways as they were too far from the test route. Not sure if that is still the case.