To find this offensive...

[LauLau93]

I honestly think being told I'm "TOO thin" is as hurtful as someone being told they're "TOO fat" neither are appealing or healthy.

AIBU?

[Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming]

I might be tempted to reply 'yeah, and ur nose is too big', or whatever feature is noticeable on the person commenting on ur weight, but may not be wise unless u want a row :-)!

[AyeAmarok]

There's nothing worse than faux-concern either, a la brasty.

[brasty]

Faux concern?? My friend had to be admitted to hospital because she was so dangerously thin. And yes I was very concerned about her. Luckily she came through it with professional treatment.

[AyeAmarok]

Yes, faux-concern.

I was referring to this statement of yours:

If they are asking you seriously if you actually eat anything, it sounds as if you are dangerously thin.

Which just idiotic.

I am willing to bet that 99% of the time someone says to a slim person "do you actually eat", it's got hee-haw to do with them being genuinely worried about them being "dangerously thin".

I have had it said to me. As have a number of my friends. Always by people who are overweight and insecure. And none of us are anywhere near "dangerously thin".

It's very disingenuous.

[lljkk]

I am neutral b/c I am sensitive about anorexia. anorexics need to be told straight & not have their delusions indulged.

[Bailey101]

lljkk That's like telling anyone who has a glass of wine with dinner that they drink too much because alcoholics need telling bluntly. You can't lump everyone who's less then a certain dress size in the same category.

The majority of slim women aren't anorexic, and there's a huge difference between someone who is dangerously underweight and someone who is a size 8.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

As have a number of my friends. Always by people who are overweight and insecure.

Do you now all these people are 'insecure' or are you ironically stereotyping

[Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming]

'anorexics need to be told straight'
I don't see how u reached the conclusion that anorexia is the cause of the OP being thin? Have re read the thread, and u seem to have made a huge jump there...
Even if this was a cause, I doubt being 'good straight' by all sort of random people is really that great - a quiet, caring one to one chat seems more likely to help?
I've been told I was too thin several times, and too fat once, by people who feel we need their opinion ( one a complete stranger), and I have never been under or overweight, tho I might hazard a guess that a couple of them were, if it was any of my business..).
People making thoughtless comments is NOT evidence that someone has an eating disorder!

[Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming]

'told straight', not 'good straight'

[LauLau93]

Wow shocked at all your responses and am extremely grateful of them all even those i dont necessarily agree with.

I do agree that out of concern from fanily or friends i could accept it much more than hearing it from customers at work before getting pregnant and visitors since having DD. I do feel that if it is for the right reasons and you feel there is genuine concern then approach the subject.

I also agree with a few comments and as i said i feel the word "too" is the real problem. If someone was to say "oh you're thin" although it would still piss me off that they felt any need to comment when not asked, i would feel less like i was being attacked and negatively ridiculed for something that i never considered a problem.

In regards to the comment being different when said to those of a larger frame i stick with what i said...it is still unacceptable and hurtful. Being called TOO thin or TOO fat makes you sound ill/unhealthy. I do not find being called TOO thin a compliment.

I feel i should point out that i do not consider myself to be anorexic or unhealthy i am simply slim. I am not what society aim to be or what is more acceptable in magazines or whatever today. Magazines should be full of women of all sizes unless they ARE unhealthy (whether that be underweight or overweight) and being used to drill girls into thinking an unhealthy look is the right one.

[pooh2]

YANBU AT ALL! Being told you're "too" anything is highly offensive x

[Rollonbedtime7pm]

I hate the word 'skinny' - it sounds disgusting to me, like you look ill.

I lost a stone a few years ago - I wasn't massive to begin with but I am short so it showed easily and people kept calling me skinny and I hated it!

On a related note, I hate when people won't 'allow' you to want to lose weight unless you are properly fat eg. I have a 6 month old and am still carrying about a stone of baby weight but because I am a size 10 everyone just rolls their eyes and takes the piss if I mention it! I'm not happy with my weight because it is big for me (shortarse remember!) but apparently should just accept it because I am clearly lying about having any to lose

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

"Anorexics need to be told straight".
It's a mental illness. Telling them "straight" will make not one iota of difference.

[ShelaghTurner]

Yes totally unacceptable and I would never comment on anyone's size. It's none of my business. But here's the but...hurtful and unacceptable yes of course, no question, but the comments are coming from envy instead of disgust. That's the subtle difference.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

YANBU!

I got name called horribly at school for being thin. Have had comments all my life and it is rude.

A while ago someone I knew (who is hugely obese) was saying to my friend she wanted to be her size (she was a size 10 same as me except I'm a lot taller so probably look slimmer than my friend) and for some reason I said "what about me?" (I don't know why actually but I knew we were the same size) and she looked, sneered and said "oh no, you are far too skinny". I'm not at all anymore, not since I've had children, I'm actually quite curvy with slim arms and slim around my neck. But society would tell me it would be really rude for me to turn around to her and say "oh no, you are far too fat/porky/podgy/obese/chunky" so it should work the other way as well. People seem to think we are fair game when we are slim. After I had DS, I was a size 14 and had a comment about "you have never looked so healthy" of course there was also the inevitable comment of I had never looked so big.

I have spent my whole life feeling crap about my figure, a little while ago I went swimming with a friend for the first time and she was amazed when she saw me in a swimming costume and said how lovely and slim I was. I felt good for the first time and took that as a compliment. Skinny and too thin are not complimentary at all.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

But society would tell me it would be really rude for me to turn around to her and say "oh no, you are far too fat/porky/podgy/obese/chunky" so it should work the other way as well.

Neither is right.

People do say that to overweight people. Not sure society would tell you it was wrong. Look at the endless 'fat shaming' articles in the press.

[suchafuss]

YANU - I lost a lot of weight due to a medical condition about 30 years ago and had a woman I worked with call me a 'silly girl' for what she assumed was me having an eating disorder.
Was a healthy weight then until last year when I started to loose a lot of weight (the doctor had been over treating my thyroid). Last week a 'friend' told me that I needed to stop now as I had gone too far! It is never acceptable to comment on a persons weight especially when you don't know what the cause is.

[BillyDaveysDaughter]

I'm fat, and I agree that it is just offensive to comment on somebody's propensity for thinness as it is to remark on my inclination towards fatness. A persons body type has nothing to do with anyone else.

I loathe all those campaigns about "real women are women with curves" - ok a few middle of the road people with tiny love handles might feel a bit better about the whole 7 lbs of extra weight they carrying, but that attitude alienates all those are at either end of the spectrum - the more than averagely slim, and the more than averagely fat.

Maybe in a few more decades we'll have learned that human beings are all shapes and sizes, and there are health advantages and disadvantages in each category of fat or thin; that sometimes a body shape is within that persons control, and sometimes it is not; and that you should dress well for the body you have.

A "too thin" comment is subjective, personal, and fucking rude and you are absolutely not being unreasonable.

[WashBasketsAreUs]

If you are thin, no one thinks twice about commenting on it -stick insect, twiggy, bean pole, I've heard them all. I'm above average height as well so it shows more on me.
I gained weight when the menopause hit, not a lot but went up 2 dress sizes and developed a muffin top. I decided to do something about it and a year later I've lost over a stone and dropped a dress size. Someone at work told me not to lose any more as she thought I looked too thin in the face. She's trying to lose A LOT of weight (it's not working! ) but if I'd said that to her that would have been wrong and she would have been upset.
It's very true, people think you can comment on thinness, but woe betide you if you comment on fatness!

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

It's very true, people think you can comment on thinness, but woe betide you if you comment on fatness!

People do comment on fatness. It is seen as fair game on SM, in the press. Comments under people's breaths.

To pretend it doesn't is a bit disingenuous.

Comments on weight are wrong full stop.

[lljkk]

I don't see how u reached the conclusion that anorexia is the cause of the OP being thin?

I never said OP was anorexic . I thought we were talking about general principles when to comment on weight.

I meant that when I see an elephant, I refuse to pretend I haven't seen an elephant. If you don't understand those words, then you know feck all about eating disorders.

[exaltedwombat]

"Its judgemental. Even a compliment is judgemental"

That's the saddest post I've ever seen on Mumsnet. And that's saying a lot.

[Unicorn1981]

Yes! I was bullied as a teen for being too thin and accused of being anorexic! I ate sausage roll, mash and beans for lunch daily! As I've got older I've got curvier and seen the other side of it. I've never truly been happy with my weight and wish I'd made more of myself when I was slim. I lost 3 stone with slimming world and felt lots better but never one hundred percent comfortable.

[Unicorn1981]

Oh and once at work I overheard a colleague say she thought another colleague was 'painfully thin and must have an eating disorder or something'! I was lost for words and that never happens!

[Simonneilsbeard]

It's definitely rude so yanbu.
I was a size 6 up until I had my first baby and all through my teens and 20's people were quite horrible about it. I was so envious of curvy women! But it was something I had no control over ..I ate what I wanted (how I long for those days again) .
It's hurtful to comment on anyone's appearance especially if they can't do anything about it!