To feel really uncomfortable about this and wondering if I should do anything?

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

I heard something recently about one of Dp's friends and its been really bothering me ever since.

I'm reluctant to give specific details on here in case it is identifying and also in case it turns out not to be true.

It is sexual in nature, not abuse of a child but rather sexual things happening in the presence of a child, no idea if the child saw/was aware or not but I suspect not.

I'm not about to run straight to SS over this but could/should I do anything? As I said, I have no idea if it is true or not. I have experience of SS and know the devastation they can cause families and so would be reluctant to say anything if I was not sure it was necessary but if what he told me was true it makes me angry and concerned for their children.

Aibu?

[TeacherBob]

Sexual abuse includes:

not taking proper measures to prevent a child being exposed to sexual activities by others - NSPCC

engaging in any kind of sexual activity in front of a child, including watching pornography - nhs
not taking measures to protect a child from witnessing sexual activity or images - nhs

Intentionally engaging in sexual activity in front of a child; - pandoras project

Not my definitions of course

[PinkissimoAndPearls]

I often get called troll/derailing etc, not because I am but because people cant handle someone giving a different opinion."

I have no intention of revisiting that CE thread as it was so distasteful, but IMHO you "often get called a troll" because you post goady and offensive stuff such as (today for example) men and women shouldn't receive equal pay, and yet you advertise that you are a teacher.

Your comments are frequently misogynistic and given that this is (unusually) a women dominated website, I wonder why you repeatedly post your "different opinions", and why you don't find a forum with people who share the same opinions as you?

Some of your comments are deliberately inflammatory and inappropriate especially on threads there for support for rape victims, as in the CE case. If you're truly a teacher I would think you should have a bit more sense.

[PinkissimoAndPearls]

Apologies. I mean your comments on the CE thread were distasteful, not the thread itself.

[Naicehamshop]

Completely agree with what you've said here, TeacherBob - can't comment on your posts on other threads.

Yuck you seem to be deliberately overreacting.

[TeacherBob]

I have no intention of revisiting that CE thread as it was so distasteful, but IMHO you "often get called a troll" because you post goady and offensive stuff such as (today for example) men and women shouldn't receive equal pay, and yet you advertise that you are a teacher.

No I didnt. I said you cant argue for equal rights on one thing and not another.
I didnt give my opinion on what I think should happen

[TeacherBob]

Your comments are frequently misogynistic and given that this is (unusually) a women dominated website, I wonder why you repeatedly post your "different opinions", and why you don't find a forum with people who share the same opinions as you?

I read lots of things. I dont post on most. But sometimes, if people say something I believe is wrong, I share that.

You cant post asking for opinions etc and then get the hump when someone has a different one :p

[TeacherBob]

Some of your comments are deliberately inflammatory and inappropriate especially on threads there for support for rape victims, as in the CE case. If you're truly a teacher I would think you should have a bit more sense.

No they aren't. You just took them as such.

As in the CE case, I clearly stated I felt he was guilty.
I just pointed out in response to another poster who said 'this case gives all men the right to rape' which is clearly bullshit.
Then I got jumped on for telling them it was bullshit.

[SpaceUnicorn]

I'm 99% certain that this didn't happen and that the man in question has been showing off to his mates about the awesome BJ his missus gave him as they were driving home from the car show.

[of course, I reserve the right to retract this view after the next massive drip-feed by the OP]

[TeacherBob]

IF the op has been told it happened, the only real answer is to report it. It is not up to her to try and work out fact from fiction.

[PinkissimoAndPearls]

I've no intention of derailing Ops thread with a squabble with you teacherbob. Your posts are in the public domain (perhaps foolishly if you really are a teacher) so people can deduce your views from them. I certainly wouldn't want someone so happy to advertise their misogynistic views teaching my DC.

As I said I don't wish to detail the thread tackling your views, just pointing out the irony of someone so aware of and instructing others on safeguarding procedures, posting in the manner that you do.

[TeacherBob]

sure pink thats the mn way

ask a question
hear the answer
make some excuse not to listen to the answer

[ANewStartOverseas]

FedUp this is only my experience.
The work I do means that I am often privy to confidence from people, incl some about children and stuff that might not be appropriate. What I have learnt from that is

• when you hear things second (or third) hand, it is impossible to know whether those things have really happened.
  
• even when you hear things from one person, who might have been present, you only get one side of the story and it might quite different from either the reality or what others think has happened.
  
• you can have SS involved but be careful of the fall out it might create, incl with the person who told you (fall out between you and them) or between different parties involved (e.g. If the person who told you that is a family members of the parents etc..)
  

If you know the people involved well enough, then go and talk to them. 'Just to check' rather than to accuse iyswim.
Otherwise I would leave it. I agree that what you are describing is unlikely to have happened as such (Im guessing oral sex whilst driving with a child at the back?). It might well have been oral sex with the car stopped with the child deeply asleep at the back. Or even just oral sex in the car stopped with no child at the back!
So yes be careful with accusations I'd the only thing I can say.

[SquawkFish]

Report it, it will be investigated, and if it turns out to be untrue than that is fine.

If it turns out to be true than there are many systems that can be put in place and attempted before the drastic action of removing a child is taken.

If that person has told you, they are likely to have told others (depends on the way it was told of course, but was it bragging, or was it out of concern? Because in both cases they may have spoken to others).

Id urge you not to talk directly to the people involved with the sexual act as if there is something untowards they may start coercing their children to lie etc. to cover it up. This may be part of a bigger issue and not just the instance that it happened in the car. There is no way to bring up an issue like this without sounding like you are making an accusation.

[ANewStartOverseas]

teacher if I might say.
You are right in your description of abuse to a child. And yes it should be reported.

However, your position compared to the one of the OP is completely different.

For one, if you hear anything like this, it is likely to come from the child himself, not a second or third hand information (which is likely to be unreliable).
Second, if you contact SS, you will have a whole system to protect you if needed. So if, let's say, a parent is investigated by SS for sexual misconduct towards a child, and they want to go after you, you have a system (the whole school, LA etc..) behind you as well as a lot of procedures and systems in place.

The OP has NOTHING like that. If she is reporting and whoever is investigated is after her and decides to make her life hell in return, she will have no support at all to deal with it.
I think it's essential in that case to also think about your own protection.

As I said, I say that because I've seen some instances turning out not so well with my work. And we don't have the structures you have. And that can make things very hard.

[TeacherBob]

A good point about protecting yourself

I reported a neighbour for neglect, it did have fallout.

That said, if you dont report and something happens to the child, can you live with yourself?

[Daydream007]

I wouldn't contact SS unless you are certain of the facts which you clearly aren't. If they are deliberately doing it in front of the child then that is wrong and needs reporting.

[Tansia]

I would report. You have a concern it's not your job to investigate or find evidence that's for SS to do.

[TeacherBob]

If you are working in a school its an instant report right? All agreed?


Then it is the same for any citizen

[ANewStartOverseas]

Even at the expense of your safety??

Even at the expense of the child wellbeing? E.g. If the people involved aren't the parents but another family member and it means that child will never see said family member even though they actually hadn't done anything wrong. They were investigated based on wrong information. Just see how many people in here would be happy to say 'well yes this time there wasn't anything wrong but if they have been investigated, there was a very good reason for that. I wouldn't take a chance'

It's always very easy to say that from one side of the screen.
Not as easy when it's you who is on the firing line. (And that's assuming the OP has quite a bit of details, incl names, addresses etc)

[TeacherBob]

If you are genuinally worried for your own safety, thats even more of a reason to report.

And if the person who was there said it happened, it needs to be reported

[Chikara]

I wouldn't report.

• You don't know if it is true - you only have gossip which I suspect is based on a brag/misconstruction
  
  --If it is investigated the fallout for that child will be awful - and for the rest of the family. Many, many people believe there is no smoke without fire and these things don't just go away.
  
  Keep an eye out if you are truly concerned and if you see real evidence of something then fine, report, but I would not report on this basis.
  
  Would you be happy for your family to undergo a thorough investigation because a neighbour/friend/cousin had a suspicion? Based on a rumour?