To buy DD a whole new wardrobe for a completely ridiculous reason.

[WitchOfEorzea]

Have NC for this as deep down I am aware this is completely batshit.

I went into DD's nursery today. It was for a meeting with dd's senco (asd)

She was a little late so I spent a bit of time in the nursery watching dd.

When I left I was in bits.

When I was at school it was difficult for me to fit in. For a start I have high functioning autism BUT on top of that....

A he-man bobbed lego haircut. Dresses that would have suited a 50's pair of curtains, clumpy practical shoes, nothing girly or sparkly and I was torn to pieces by other girls.

Now fast forward to today and dd was sat on her own, in mismatched clothes because frankly anything she'll actually wear is a win (refuses), hair just brushed and her favourite wellies.

There was a gaggle of girls (yes I know, I know they are 4) making a fuss of this other girl because she had a sparkly hand bag and shoes.

I'm probably not explaining this very well. I just saw dd on her own (I know also asd is a big part of it) and this other group bonding over pretty hair clips and well....stuff I just haven't been doing for dd.

Getting a brush through her hair everyday is done but no fancy plaits or anything because she hates me touching it.

Clothes: I've never really chosen any for her. Older family members have always bought her so many (plus hand me downs from friends) that I've never had to.

I just feel like it may be like a small thing but that I'm setting her up to have a harder time like I did.

Is there a site anywhere for 'toddler fashion', where can I get a spirally handbag?

Have I gone completely insane?

[HuffaLump2016]

I have a son with ASD and clothes are a right pain in the neck but we do try. How about taking her shopping for you or doing it online. When she sees you having a nice time choosing a few new bits it might inspire her to find some things for herself. Any site with free shipping/returns is your friend. Maybe La Redoute or Vertabudet? They tend to have a nice comfy range. Or if she likes dinosaurs Boden has lots of comfy practical dresses with Dino prints. I find having an animal/character on a shirt inspires other kids to comment and helps my son to interact a bit more. How about some shoes with the toys in or light up ones?

[SnipSnipMrBurgess]

I project my own experiences on to my kids,. We had nothing growing up, I was the kid who wore the hand me downs that had gone through 4 cousins and 3 sisters before they got to me. Add to to that, the lack of stuff like school supplies, pretty shoes, a goood coat, a proper school bag, and you can imagine it was pretty shitty.

I make sure my kids have the best of everything now, within reason and what I can afford tbf.

If you need ideas o outfits, I would look at next and then try and see if I can source the same items on ebay for less.

I would also recommend the tangle tease and if you think she would like it, bring her into claires and get her to pick out a nice hair accessory if she wants one or something you can steer her towards that could be a real conversation starter with the other kids.

[dowhatnow]

Take her to the shops and see what she goes for. Be guided by her. Let her choose a lunch box, drinks container etc too.

Perhaps a few sparkly dressing up clothes? I'm sure my DD went to nursery in her favourite princess dress a few times. What would the nursery say if she wore that sort of thing occasionally?

[abbsismyhero]

My daughters biggest reaction was when she took in a bag shaped like a cow simple things 😁

[50ShadesOfEarlGrey]

I feel for you OP, I always went out of my way to dress my DS (ASD) really well because he got so badly teased at primary school and I didn't want to give the perpetrators any further ammunition, I wanted him to be accepted. It did help, I think, although I remember watching him one lunchtime from outside the fence around the playground. He was totally on his own, just wandering around talking to himself, my heart broke and I realised that the shoes and haircut didn't really matter as they wouldn't stop him being lonely. Of course, I thought he was lonely, he didnt. When I asked if he was upset not to be playing with anyone, he said 'why would I want to play with them, they only talk about Eastenders, they don't understand about International Politics or the Bauhaus art movement' - he was nine and those were his favourite things at that time. It was a difficult thing for me to accept that friends wouldn't play a great part in his life but it wasn't that important to him. He does have some friends now, from university. This probably hasn't helped you at all has it? We are convinced that DH is also on the spectrum (doctors refused,twice, to refer him for official diagnosis, whole other thread) and he helped to explain lots of things to DS in a way he could understand, so I am sure that you will be an amazing help to your DD. We always tried to stay one step, or several, ahead, to try to predict what he might encounter that would be difficult for him to process, and what we could do to aid his way through it. I think your realisation re clothes has come at a good time, you can build on this to help your DD. By the way, cotton tops and corduroy bottoms with sweatshirt hoodies were always a good standby as they are soft.
My DS is a very handsome man, who is always well dressed, and we enjoy going shopping together.

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

It's the cheap little quirky accessories that they like.
Lands End are quite good for soft leggings and tops. Dd (HFA) wears them happily. Sparkly wellies were always a good one.

[wowwee123]

sports direct is worth a look for character clothing. they do lots of disney princess stuff, my little pony, minions, stuff like that. my niece loves anythinf wth a character on.

river island do some nice bits and claires accessories is brilliant for little bags and slides etc.

[wowwee123]

m.claires.co.uk/claires-club-accessories-bags-and-purses/style/fcp-category/list?resetFilters=true

[wowwee123]

www.riverisland.com/girls/mini-girls/_/N-89p?icid=ghp/prm1/g/mini-girls/cat#

[wowwee123]

www.sportsdirect.com/kids/kids-character-clothing#dcp=1&dppp=100&OrderBy=rank&Filter=AFLOR%5EGirls%7CACSIZE%5E5+-+6+Years,3+-+4+Years

[pugsake]

If your near an Asda they have lovely pink glittery wellies for a fiver. I can't post a pic because there at nursery but there fab.

I wouldn't worry too much at 4. DD is three and lives in leggings and jumpers. My niece is always done up to the nines she looks nice but she ends up just as mucky and dishevelled as DD.

[dollywobbles]

I totally get where you're coming from OP.
My DS has ASD so I know there are plenty of reasons he'll stand out (quirky behaviour etc). If I can make sure he looks like everyone else then he won't be on their radar for how he dresses and that might keep him off the radar for other things. I don't know. It's probably desperation at trying to stop him being picked on.
Kids can be horrible. I think it's one less thing he can be targeted for.

[Notsoaccidentproneanymore]

Ds2 has never been formally diagnosed with sen, but he does have a thing about being soft, so basically he'll wear most things as long as they feel nice to him.

At home he lives in pj's and a hoody. He's now at secondary, so he wears the m&s white cotton shirts, which don't have labels, and next cotton chinos. Socks can be more problematic, but I have found that bamboo socks are super soft. You can always turn them inside out if the seams scratch.

I think that giving your dd the confidence to be happy in her own skin will go a long way. But anything you can do to help this process has got to be worth a try. So if this means glittery shit, then so be it. What about a pair of Lelly Kellies (sp) and some leggings with a tunic?

[YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa]

I have 2 children who have ASD and no exactly where you're coming from OP. I was also the.kid who never had 'cool stuff' and it was crap. Really crap.

I see no issue in bringing on the big guns on occasion, my son has led trainers like these m.youtube.com/watch?v=qcu90KyGs_Y they can be bought for around £20 on ebay, theyre great fun on these dark nights.

[JellyBelli]

At 4, me and my friends loved thing with strawberries and ladybird patterns. We also collected abnd swapped novelty rubbers, and kids still do that now.

www.childrensalon.com/hatley-girls-pink-red-strawberry-sundae-wellies-117006.html?__currency=GBP&gclid=CJa-ipvT4s8CFQWdGwod2D0BFw

www.annadavies.co.uk/kidorable-childrens-themed-wellington-boots/p4328?gclid=CPXwlqrT4s8CFaIy0wodiBYMPA

[Notsoaccidentproneanymore]

What about these?

[50ShadesOfEarlGrey]

Just another thought, unlike most of the other posters, my DS just would not wear any top with pictures or graphics on it, not even Thomas the Tank Engine! It had to be totally plain, although a check shirt was ok. He will now wear a T shirt with a political slogan on it, but still no band pictures etc. So recommend you definitely try before you buy.

[WitchOfEorzea]

Wow you have all been really helpful, I can't say thank you enough.

Lots of ideas and it feels like I can actually do something little which might just help her fit in even while she's doing her own thing.

It was so hard seeing her on her own. I'd read the nursery reports, seen her ignore other children at soft play etc. but I'd never watched her be just completely on her own in a room full of children playing.

Me? No of course I'm not welling up again 😭

[ayeokthen]

Ooh lelli kelly shoes are lovely and sparkly, they to trainer type ones too if the school type are too stiff.

[ayeokthen]

OP, my eldest DS used to play on his own in a room full of kids, it broke my heart. We got him into school (ASD unit attached to a mainstream) and it was the first place he belonged. I'll never forget the day I saw him playing with his wee pals in the playground, I was a mess! He's now heading for mainstream (age 9) because it's where he wants to be. There is hope, I promise. With a mum like you behind her, your DD can be anything she wants to be!

[AgathaMystery]

You sound like a really lovely mum.

My DD is also 4 & is obsessed with clothes. I don't know why, she's just always loved them. I can't even imagine shopping for clothes without her (for her) as she is really clear about what she likes/dislikes. Would your daughter like to choose her own clothes?

IMO It's lovely that you care so much

[wowwee123]

saw lelli kelly and it reminded me. sketchers twinkle toes ae awesome and they do trainers, canvas shoes and usuall some form of ugg boot.

[wowwee123]

voila...

www.skechers.com/en-gb/girls/all?brand=/skechers-twinkle-toes
i have just got mega excited about these if only they did adult sizes!

[WitchOfEorzea]

ayeokthen that must have felt wonderful when he made friends.

Dd looked perfectly happy jumping on her own, the sadness was all mine!