To buy DD a whole new wardrobe for a completely ridiculous reason.

[WitchOfEorzea]

Have NC for this as deep down I am aware this is completely batshit.

I went into DD's nursery today. It was for a meeting with dd's senco (asd)

She was a little late so I spent a bit of time in the nursery watching dd.

When I left I was in bits.

When I was at school it was difficult for me to fit in. For a start I have high functioning autism BUT on top of that....

A he-man bobbed lego haircut. Dresses that would have suited a 50's pair of curtains, clumpy practical shoes, nothing girly or sparkly and I was torn to pieces by other girls.

Now fast forward to today and dd was sat on her own, in mismatched clothes because frankly anything she'll actually wear is a win (refuses), hair just brushed and her favourite wellies.

There was a gaggle of girls (yes I know, I know they are 4) making a fuss of this other girl because she had a sparkly hand bag and shoes.

I'm probably not explaining this very well. I just saw dd on her own (I know also asd is a big part of it) and this other group bonding over pretty hair clips and well....stuff I just haven't been doing for dd.

Getting a brush through her hair everyday is done but no fancy plaits or anything because she hates me touching it.

Clothes: I've never really chosen any for her. Older family members have always bought her so many (plus hand me downs from friends) that I've never had to.

I just feel like it may be like a small thing but that I'm setting her up to have a harder time like I did.

Is there a site anywhere for 'toddler fashion', where can I get a spirally handbag?

Have I gone completely insane?

[WitchOfEorzea]

Thank you

I had no idea about the sensory clothes site, that sounds great!

DD's hair is quite wispy and short, I could try a headband. She might not tolerate it.

I am going to look around for some cheap and cheerful bits just to test the water first.

I couldn't cram her in anything she didn't want to, she has a very strong personality 😁

But at least if I make it available maybe she might like to fit in just a little more.

My Dp has just scoffed at me and says she's not 'a sheep' but I don't think he realises how awful it can be when you don't fit in even a little at school.

[WitchOfEorzea]

I definitely know she doesn't care at all at this age, it's all just me worrying.

I just feel I could do more clothes/sparkles wise.

And I know it will be important later on, though I wouldn't want her to change who she is.

To be honest I've felt very out of control since her diagnosis. We've done all the visual timetables and sensory workshops etc. but I just want to do everything I can to make it easy for her.

And to be honest it really surprised me how strong my feelings were today over something a bit silly( at this age). I didn't think THAT would be what I was worrying about after the meeting!

[Sara107]

I feel for you op, I was the child in awful clothes! But at this age I wouldn't worry - anything sparkly will catch the little girls' eyes but won't actually form friendships. I think the key thing is for your little girl (all little girls) to be comfy in her clothes. And def wear stuff to nursery that doesn't matter getting wrecked. At dD's nursery there were children who weren't allowed take part in certain activities such as gardening as their designer gear might get spoiled. That's much sadder than a little girl in her favourite wellies!

[FauxFox]

DS has ASD and doesn't give a shiny shit but I always try to buy 'cool' clothes for him as it can't hurt to look good even if he doesn't care. He decided from a young age that hats were his thing and he has quite a collection now - baseball caps, flat caps etc its his signature style 😁 he is also keen on snazzy socks 😁 don't worry your DD will find her way, the fact you care and want to help will make it much easier for her than it was for you...but get the glittery wellies they are fabulous!

[gillybeanz]

My love I can sympathise. Mine is 12 now and chooses her own clothes if she can be bothered.
It sounds like yours is wearing the same miss match as my dd, and she's never been girly.

You may just have to get used to this being how she is.
We did have a short respite for Disney Princess costumes, it lasted about 6 months.

[gillybeanz]

Oh, mine waiting for a diagnosis atm, so may be a common trait.

[ayeokthen]

At dD's nursery there were children who weren't allowed take part in certain activities such as gardening as their designer gear might get spoiled. That's much sadder than a little girl in her favourite wellies!
There are kids like this at DD/DS nursery too, can't play with anything messy/dirty/wet. It's really sad that they're missing out.

[JsOtherHalf]

Pumpkin patch have some nice things. I've found the fabric quite soft.

www.pumpkinpatch.co.uk/listing/374352/page/1/itemsperpage/200/orderby/0/filter/all/categorypath/girl/age/little-girl/?reset=0

These show girl aged 3 and 4 options.

[Msqueen33]

I have two with asd (6,3 and a half) The youngest goes in whatever I can get her to wear. Was the same with my six year old asd dd aswell until the last year or so and she's into wearing nice clothes. Like you I've got high functioning asd and I was never much into clothes. These days I just like to feel comfortable in what I'm wearing.

[ayeokthen]

shop.sensory-smart.com/children-52-c.asp

This is the link for the sensory clothes, also if hair brushing is an issue can I recommend a "Tangle Teezer" hairbrush. That thing is a godsend in our house.

[WitchOfEorzea]

Thank you again!

Love the pumpkin patch and sensory shop links!

[ayeokthen]

MrsDeVere you put it into words better than I ever could. This, a million times over!

[RomanticWalksToTheFridge]

Glittery shite writ large. :)

I understand you. My mother had severe mental health issues and could barely manage to see me dressed, and I was horribly bullied for it. My Ds is autistic and has strong opinions about what to wear and does stand out quite a bit, so i try and minimise it.

FWIW- I had a very similar experience when DS was about 4 and I watched him in nursery and saw how he struggled to fit in. I was so distraught I drove him to Toys R Us and comfort-shopped - to the tune of £90.00 worth. It made me feel better. He could not care less though. :)

[Dinosaursgoboo]

H and M do lovely well-priced clothes. Glitter etc. Though I don't think anyone noticed clothes at nursery. I found it more important to let DD watch programmes/films (Frozen, Topsy and Tim) that we previously hadn't watched. This did help her fit in more easily.

[Cakescakescakes]

There is a happy medium in all of this. But I try to buy sort of trendy clothes (e.g. Coloured trousers with a Star Wars t shirt etc) for my DS with ASD. He doesn't care what he wears (as long as it is cotton) but I figure having autism provides enough scope for other kids to give him a hard time. I don't need to add having weird clothes to that as well.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I would just get her one sparkly top and see how she gets on. Dd has some sensory issues and won't wear any tops with sparkles or sequins on them.

My dd likes to be individualistic and I encourage this. She went through a period of time when she was 5/6 when she would only wear one dress at home and one blouse at school so I'd try to buIld things in slowly unless you're prepared to accept a large amount of clothes will be unworn.

I'm not saying you will have these issues but just to give you an insight into how sensory issues affected dd. Dd is not Asd btw.

Dd will never be the "popular" girl at school. And TBH I'm happy with that. She is well liked. I tell her she's an angel and not all children can be angels and not all children can be popular. Maybe you're an angel op. I really do understand about confidence and clothes because despite being from a fairly well off family, I wore hand me downs and wasn't allowed school uniform, which wasn't compulsory at the time. The love and care you give to your little girl is the most important thing.

[MrsJayy]

Aww that must have given you a lump In your throat watching but honestly not all little girls are like that not that there is anything wrong with little girls liking this Linda stuff. You need to take a step back maybe take her out to look at clothes sparkly wellies is a fantastic start . If your little girl has ASD then she will hate being fussed over with hair clips and what not

[RomanticWalksToTheFridge]

Cakes you summed up what I was trying to say about having clothes to fit in. :)

[MsGee]

I understand where you are coming from. My DD has ASD and at a party (aged 7), the other girls had sparkly shit and handbags and she was dressed as a ninja rolling around on her own. I am always torn between thinking it is awesome and hoping that fits in. After a dx, there is always a period of adjustment, so allow yourself some time for this.

We 'direct' a little as does MrsDeVere and Cakes. We have found that biker boots (or stylish wellies), cover a multitude of sins. There are still the days when she wears 'all dog clothing' (I kid you not, leggings covered in pugs, with a collie t shirt), or 'all spots' because in her mind it matches. She has discovered rock band t shirts, so with the boots it looks grunge, rather than 'not a clue'.

We get the balance of letting her choose whilst not looking a total mess. As with everything with DD, balance is key :D

[bumsexatthebingo]

At that age anything that resembles an explosion in a pink glitter factory seems to be popular. Character clothes could help spark conversations as well maybe. My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake seem to be quite popular with girls that age.

[gillybeanz]

Can I ask why you are all minimising your child standing out and being different?
Certainly not a judgement, but if I try to do this with dd she will fall out over it, so I don't bother now, as it's certainly not worth falling out over.
She's never been bullied though, or maybe didn't care again.

I think this is her now and she'll be like it as a grown up. She hates being like others and doesn't care that she's different, she doesn't judge others dress though. She has friends into pretty fashionable clothes, jewellery, make up etc. I can't even get her to use a bag for phone and stuff. Even tried a small rucksack to no avail. Her school bag is a leather briefcase I kid you not.

[Ilovetorrentialrain]

OP you're not insane!

I get this (no experience with sensory or asd issues but my mum wouldn't really let me have 'fashionable' clothes until I waas mid teens and I really stood out on non-uniform days - or thought I did.

As a result I'm always encouraging my son to wear whatever he likes and experiment with his hair in the hols etc (he doesn't want to actually - typical! - but knows he can).

I hope you enjoy choosing some things (inc 'glittery shit) with your daughter. :)

[bumsexatthebingo]

Can't speak for anyone else but my child with asd is different enough and already stands out without wearing unfashionable clothes as well.

[SafariOrigami]

I think you sound like a really lovely mum and your post brought a little tear to my eye.

Your daughter may never realise it, but it is wonderful that you are concered with helping her to fit in. At whatever age.

I think primark and H&M are great places to start. Lots of soft jersey / velvet type material joggers and t-shirts. H&M is especially good if she likes animals (my dd is crazy for them) lots of t-shirts with cute owls, bunnies, cats etc

It can't hurt to buy a few things to start off with?

I think you are doing the right thing.

Good luck!