To not put up with "moooom I'm bored"?

[jayisforjessica]

DS has a tendency to get bored on Sunday afternoons. Once we're done with church, there isn't (in his opinion) a lot to do. He isn't very sporty and we only allow an hour of video game time a day.

I've been giving him assignments, outside of his schoolwork/homework. It takes me a little bit to make them up, but it gives him something to do with his afternoon.

This week's "assignment" was to choose a book he's already read, and write a letter to his teacher, recommending the book as one she might like to read (with reasons why). DS has spent the afternoon out in the back garden with pencil and paper and was happily occupied for two hours, and has come back inside with what I think is actually a really good letter.

AIBU? Responding to boredom with a suggestion of something constructive to do isn't unreasonable, I don't think... but I could be wrong. He's recently told me that none of his friends' parents give them assignments, but he's also never told me he doesn't want to do the little tasks I set him (he seems to quite enjoy having some direction on a Sunday afternoon) and if he really didn't want to do one, I certainly wouldn't force it.

[Only1scoop]

Yanbu to not allow the 'I'm bored' etc but Yabu to just farm out more 'assignments' especially ones to attempt to impress teacher....cringe

[Dreamfrog]

Do you know what - mom I'm bored means ?
It means I would like company. To have some fun with someone and to do something together. Spend fun time with him. Kick a ball. Go for an adventure walk. Do a jigsaw together.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

Church and extra homework, sounds like the dullest Sundays going. No wonder he can't engage his brain to figure out something fun to do. Making him suck up to his teacher at 12 is such a bad idea! Why only an hour of video games as well? Not that I believe a child should be stuck in front of a screen for hours on end, but an hour means it's barely worth switching the machine on. You don't want him moaning, yet the thing he enjoys doing to occupy himself is severely restricted!

[daisychain01]

Lego. Lots of Lego.

And make sure he is tasked with leaving a few pieces dotted around the floor so you step on them when you're in bare feet.

Hours of innate fun.

[NoFuchsGiven]

At 12 years old why can you not allow him a bit extra time on his console, watching tv etc on a sunday? Or do something as a family?

I feel quite sorry for the little chap actually.

[topcat2014]

I would be bored on saturday evening at the thought of that sunday - but then I view religion as a waste of life.

Somehow or other you need to help him widen his social circle and get out more.

Oh, and ease off on the limit of screens.

[LucyFuckingPevensie]

It's nice that he enjoys doing extra projects, but it might be nice for him to do more varied things. I wasn't particularly sporty growing up but still enjoyed swimming and bike rides or going to the park with my mates - even if we did just sit on a swing and chat.
My Dts are only 6 but I'm bored is usually responded to with a well go and do something interesting then - usually Lego or super hero stuff, or we go out for a walk, or to the park. I suppose sometimes you need to give them a little nudge in the right direction but it may as well be something that's actually fun.

[Handsoffmysweets]

Writing letters to the teacher?!! No no and no again! It's Sunday, if the weather is crap just let him play his video game all afternoon, he won't explode!

[WeAllHaveWings]

All work and no play makes jack a dull boy.

I'm sure the school gives him enough homework, you should be teaching him how to enjoy himself when he is bored. My 12 year old would be finding out if his friends were free and deciding what they were doing together.. If his friends werent available he might waste a few hours on his console but it's still downtime and much preferable to more schoolwork.

[claraschu]

There's nothing boring about writing, and 2 of my 3 children would have enjoyed similar activities when they were a bit younger than your DS, but yes, OP, your assignment does leave me feeling a bit sad.

If your son likes to write, why not help him find real pen pals who would be excited to get a letter from him? or why not get him excited about doing some creative writing (lots of great books and ideas out there to get him started)? or why not get him to do some research about something that interests him? These are all similar types of activities, but they seem a bit more open ended- more likely to pique his own interest and lead to something positive for him.

I guess there are two different issues here for me: how to respond to "Mom I'm bored" (suggest he clean the hallway, or ignore him); how to help him find a few more interests that will stand him in good stead for the rest of his life (help him get more interested in writing, playing an instrument, reading, enjoying nature, etc).

[Cabrinha]

So, you post about it then say "ah well, different strokes..."

So basically, this was a performance parenting post? Look at me with my educational activity that my son happily does?

whatever!

[frikadela01]

What do you do on a Sunday afternoon OP?

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

My DM always told us "If you're bored, you're boring." I said the same to my DSD, now married with kids, and to my DSs. She says the same to her DCs. It's now worked superbly on 3 generations.

Don't invent "make work" for your DC. Challenge him to entertain himself.

[SaucyJack]

What are you doing while he's sitting there bored to absolute shite?

I think Jesus would want you to take your son out somewhere, or at least let him play his computer game if it's a case of you needing to catch up on housework of a weekend.

[tigerdriverII]

I bet he looks forward to Mondays. Thought the days of Sunday being a trial of endurance were long gone but obvs not. Can't he just go and hang with some friends?

[wanderings]

Perhaps it's worth actually explaining to him that unstructured time is a good thing, where he has to find ways to entertain himself. Through no fault of his own, it might be that his time has always been very structured. There are times when time to be filled occurs naturally: waiting for a delayed flight or train (never mind the journey itself). It's sometimes said that we as humans are not good at doing nothing, we always have to be "busy".

Perhaps a book or project he would only do on Sunday afternoons, so he looks forward to those times.

(I remember craving "downtime" as a kid, and being really put out when my parents suddenly decided to go to church - I thought this was a shocking waste of weekend time! At school I once had to write about what I love doing in my spare time. My conclusion was that I never had enough spare time!)

[EdmundCleverClogs]

If you're bored, you're boring.

That is a bloody awful turn of phrase, I can't believe people still use it on kids . Of course children should learn to entertain themselves, but saying this just says 'I can't be arsed to entertain you, if you can't find anything to do you're a boring child'. Especially when restrictions are put in place, like with the op's child - find something to do, but not something too fun or enjoyable...

[seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom]

If you're bored, you're boring.

That is a bloody awful turn of phrase, I can't believe people still use it on kids hmm. Of course children should learn to entertain themselves, but saying this just says 'I can't be arsed to entertain you, if you can't find anything to do you're a boring child'

Agree. I was just reflecting on this phrase myself yesterday and realising that a childhood of being told that has had longer term consequences (like I think I am probably a very boring person that no one really wants to have to spend time with, for example). I think the opposite it true. Only boring people DON'T get bored.

Anyway, OP, agree with others. Your poor son needs to allowed to either push through the boredom barrier or for you to spend time with him doing fun stuff - especially after having the extreme dullness of church inflicted on him!!

[Gyderlily]

only1scoop I'm glad you said it, I thought I was the only one that found the idea of a letter to the teacher completely cringey, especially for a 12 year old (maybe a little more acceptable at 5) give him a writing/research task if you wish but not one to try and show off to the teacher! If his friends get wind of that they will likely rip him to shreds

[Tanith]

I read the Op as choosing these activities in the hope that it might encourage him to find something more interesting to do for himself.
I do something similar. On the understanding that they must choose one of the ideas, we each think of two activities that are doable (no trips to Disneyland!). My activities are usually Tidy Your Room or Washing Up and never get chosen

[longdiling]

Yes, I offer those kinds of activities Tanith and the kids scarper off to find their own things to do quite quickly. But the op says she actually spends some time making up these assignments so I read it more as her actually putting work into keeping him occupied.

[Buildalegohouse]

The thought of spending a day going to church, doing additional work that was not actually required and only being permitted 1 hour of what I actually enjoy doing sounds dull as fuck.

YABU.

[jayisforjessica]

Fair call. You've all given me a lot to think about.

He hasn't been complaining, so I didn't think it was a problem. But there are some good ideas in here of better ways to fill his afternoon (not the least of which is making him figure it out himself).

[HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood]

I'd just respond with a chore (empty dishwasher, dust shelves, etc). He will either do them, or will eventually develop the ability to entertain himself.

[Nataleejah]

Meh.
An hour of videogames seems reasonable. 12yo should be capable of entertaining himself.
My 12yo suddenly remembers he's very busy with something if i mention there's some cleaning/tidying-up to be done