To not put up with "moooom I'm bored"?

[jayisforjessica]

DS has a tendency to get bored on Sunday afternoons. Once we're done with church, there isn't (in his opinion) a lot to do. He isn't very sporty and we only allow an hour of video game time a day.

I've been giving him assignments, outside of his schoolwork/homework. It takes me a little bit to make them up, but it gives him something to do with his afternoon.

This week's "assignment" was to choose a book he's already read, and write a letter to his teacher, recommending the book as one she might like to read (with reasons why). DS has spent the afternoon out in the back garden with pencil and paper and was happily occupied for two hours, and has come back inside with what I think is actually a really good letter.

AIBU? Responding to boredom with a suggestion of something constructive to do isn't unreasonable, I don't think... but I could be wrong. He's recently told me that none of his friends' parents give them assignments, but he's also never told me he doesn't want to do the little tasks I set him (he seems to quite enjoy having some direction on a Sunday afternoon) and if he really didn't want to do one, I certainly wouldn't force it.

[Statelychangers]

Does he still even want to go to Church?
I'm sure you can think of things to do on a Sunday that might provide more variety to stimulate his mind than more school work. Teach him card games, play board games. Get out of the house, into nature for a walk....stroll to a favourite coffee shop. Go to a museum, the cinema. A film on the tv.

[DXBMermaid]

I once saw a pinterest (I know, I know) post with a boredom jar. It's a jar filled with all sorts of things to do. Some are fun (extra hour of screen time), some are chores (sweep kitchen floor), some are creative (draw a picture for someone special) etc etc. You could fill the jar together or do it yourself.

Otherwise are there any toys he will play with? Lego or something like that?

[Boomerwang]

Perhaps you can find one of those books '101 things to do' or look it up on the net.

[WeAllHaveWings]

I bet his teacher loves being given extra things to read on a Monday...

Please tell me you don't actually send his assignments into the teacher , even if ds did this he would never entertain giving them to his teacher!

[NattyTile]

Sorry for all those of you who found church insufferably boring as 12 year olds. Having seen what our church youth get up to on Sundays and during the week, I'd be more inclined to believe the boredom is a comedown after not being there any more rather than the culmination or a tedious day!

[sirfredfredgeorge]

The oddest thing in quite an odd situation all round, is this

He's recently told me that none of his friends' parents give them assignments

Why would a kid bother with saying such a self evident thing, and why would you be at all surprised. Parents don't give assignments!

The general case is that a 12 year old needs to be a lot more independent, both in the freedom to choose what to do, and the ability to entertain themselves, and even in the ability to set their own "assignments" if they genuinely need some extra learning. You seem over-controlling, and have bred a child who isn't complaining, but that's because he's completely outsourced all of his thinking and it's going to be a struggle to disengage enough over the next few years that he can develop independence.

Hopefully that can happes, as otherwise you'll still have him there in ten years time, or he'll completely rebel and cut you off completely as he finds a different surrogate to make all his decisions.

No, putting up with I'm bored is not something you should do, but instead of pandering to his needs and giving immediate direction, you say "piss off and stop moaning to me about it". I'd also say it's getting a bit late for strict limits, and he needs to start self organising things like video game usage, and you only intervene when it starts to be a problem.

[BadLad]

The only thing more boring than unnecessary assignments (writing letters to the teacher, for fuck's sake) is church.

Poor lad. That's the dullest Sunday I can imagine.

[AnnieLovesOakley]

I bet his teacher loves being given extra things to read on a Monday...

[CaptainCabinets]

Aww, poor kid! Church followed by extra homework, what a thrilling Sunday...

As for writing letters to his teacher at 12, do you realise how cringeworthy that is?! The kid should be having fun at the age of 12, he's got his whole life ahead of him to do boring shit like that.

Instead of shoving him in another room with an 'assignment', why not take him out for the day, invite a friend over, have a family movie day or something?

[MiddleAgeMiddleEngland]

I have zero tolerance for boredom. There is ALWAYS something to do. If mine ever told me they were bored, I'd either say "That's a shame, I'm not" or suggest a couple of not-very-exciting things to do.

Little ones might need reminding of toys they haven't got out for a while, but at age 12 there's no reason to be bored. Can't he start learning a new hobby such as a musical instrument or meet up with friends. Or cook the supper and/or a cake?

[Nataleejah]

Meh.
An hour of videogames seems reasonable. 12yo should be capable of entertaining himself.
My 12yo suddenly remembers he's very busy with something if i mention there's some cleaning/tidying-up to be done

[HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood]

I'd just respond with a chore (empty dishwasher, dust shelves, etc). He will either do them, or will eventually develop the ability to entertain himself.

[jayisforjessica]

Fair call. You've all given me a lot to think about.

He hasn't been complaining, so I didn't think it was a problem. But there are some good ideas in here of better ways to fill his afternoon (not the least of which is making him figure it out himself).

[Buildalegohouse]

The thought of spending a day going to church, doing additional work that was not actually required and only being permitted 1 hour of what I actually enjoy doing sounds dull as fuck.

YABU.

[longdiling]

Yes, I offer those kinds of activities Tanith and the kids scarper off to find their own things to do quite quickly. But the op says she actually spends some time making up these assignments so I read it more as her actually putting work into keeping him occupied.

[Tanith]

I read the Op as choosing these activities in the hope that it might encourage him to find something more interesting to do for himself.
I do something similar. On the understanding that they must choose one of the ideas, we each think of two activities that are doable (no trips to Disneyland!). My activities are usually Tidy Your Room or Washing Up and never get chosen

[Gyderlily]

only1scoop I'm glad you said it, I thought I was the only one that found the idea of a letter to the teacher completely cringey, especially for a 12 year old (maybe a little more acceptable at 5) give him a writing/research task if you wish but not one to try and show off to the teacher! If his friends get wind of that they will likely rip him to shreds

[seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom]

If you're bored, you're boring.

That is a bloody awful turn of phrase, I can't believe people still use it on kids hmm. Of course children should learn to entertain themselves, but saying this just says 'I can't be arsed to entertain you, if you can't find anything to do you're a boring child'

Agree. I was just reflecting on this phrase myself yesterday and realising that a childhood of being told that has had longer term consequences (like I think I am probably a very boring person that no one really wants to have to spend time with, for example). I think the opposite it true. Only boring people DON'T get bored.

Anyway, OP, agree with others. Your poor son needs to allowed to either push through the boredom barrier or for you to spend time with him doing fun stuff - especially after having the extreme dullness of church inflicted on him!!

[EdmundCleverClogs]

If you're bored, you're boring.

That is a bloody awful turn of phrase, I can't believe people still use it on kids . Of course children should learn to entertain themselves, but saying this just says 'I can't be arsed to entertain you, if you can't find anything to do you're a boring child'. Especially when restrictions are put in place, like with the op's child - find something to do, but not something too fun or enjoyable...

[wanderings]

Perhaps it's worth actually explaining to him that unstructured time is a good thing, where he has to find ways to entertain himself. Through no fault of his own, it might be that his time has always been very structured. There are times when time to be filled occurs naturally: waiting for a delayed flight or train (never mind the journey itself). It's sometimes said that we as humans are not good at doing nothing, we always have to be "busy".

Perhaps a book or project he would only do on Sunday afternoons, so he looks forward to those times.

(I remember craving "downtime" as a kid, and being really put out when my parents suddenly decided to go to church - I thought this was a shocking waste of weekend time! At school I once had to write about what I love doing in my spare time. My conclusion was that I never had enough spare time!)

[tigerdriverII]

I bet he looks forward to Mondays. Thought the days of Sunday being a trial of endurance were long gone but obvs not. Can't he just go and hang with some friends?

[SaucyJack]

What are you doing while he's sitting there bored to absolute shite?

I think Jesus would want you to take your son out somewhere, or at least let him play his computer game if it's a case of you needing to catch up on housework of a weekend.

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

My DM always told us "If you're bored, you're boring." I said the same to my DSD, now married with kids, and to my DSs. She says the same to her DCs. It's now worked superbly on 3 generations.

Don't invent "make work" for your DC. Challenge him to entertain himself.

[frikadela01]

What do you do on a Sunday afternoon OP?

[Cabrinha]

So, you post about it then say "ah well, different strokes..."

So basically, this was a performance parenting post? Look at me with my educational activity that my son happily does?

whatever!