to be really pissed off at my friend for saying "I'd do her"?

[CoolToned]

This is how he describes women.

To be fair, he's a geeky guy who is probably just compensating from years of being a geek. He's actually a specialist doctor (just finished) and a good person otherwise.

It just disgusts me. I called him on it before and he's back to doing it again.

[bummyknocker]

He has got his lights on; he is now eligible; you like him; he wants to punch above his weight according to yo;, but he doesn't see you that way.

[CoolToned]

TwentyCups

Good to know I am not the only one who find the phrase disgusting.

[CoolToned]

bummyknocker

Oh no, he's married and I have never liked him in that way! It'd feel like incest!

[Queenbean]

I mean when did "she's cute" or "I like her" become obsolete?

A kitten is cute. I would say I like my elderly neighbour.

If I'm so overpowered with lust by the sexy fireman down the road I wouldn't use such a limp, lukewarm sentiment as "I like him". I'd say I want get freeeaakkkky with him and do him. And all sorts of other crude things besides.

[Lorelei76]

I'm now confused by the urban dictionary definition

One poster said something about assumption - no assumption implied, I might say "I'd do him" about someone I fancied loads but that doesn't imply that I think they'd fancy me.

[WorraLiberty]

Nope, even with the Urban Dictionary dripfeed I'm not buying it

I don't think you've described him in a very nice way and I think you're over reacting to him using a phrase that tons of men and women use, when all they mean is they fancy someone sexually.

[gillybeanz]

I say it about men, and dh says it about women.
Firstly we don't and secondly it's not a man thing.

I also say I'd give him an hour to get off.

[0pti0na1]

It's a horrible phrase, so one-sided.

[frikadela01]

Queenbean I'm stealing your line and plan I pass it off as my own

Some people need to lighten up, are the people that object seriously saying they've never looked at a stranger in a sexual manner and then shared that with a friend?

[Italiangreyhound]

0pti0na1 I was just coming on to say it is a horrible phrase!

It's a very unpleasant way of saying I find her sexually attractive. It sounds like the person (the man in this case) would be doing the other a massive favour. It sounds like it is objectifying the woman, like she is an object he could relieve himself against.

If you find it offensive, tell him not to say it in your hearing. If he respects you, he will try and remember that.

If women are saying it of men, it is (I think) equally an offensive comment but it doesn't have the same impact because men are not objectified in our society in the same way as women are.

I don't think you are over reacting. And I don't think it is offensive to think of him as geeky.Telling him you think he is geeky may well be offensive. But if he feels he needs to prove something to you, that may well be why he is saying it. If he knows you don't find it a great thing to say, he should respect you enough not to say it.

I would say it is like swearing, in that some people think it is fine, some not. I might swear in front of my sister but not the teachers at my kids' schools. His using it in front of you suggests he feel he has something to prove to you. If you are his friend and like and respect him for himself, he doesn't have anything to prove.

[CoolToned]

I don't really think "geeky" is offensive though. I am a geek. I hang out with geeks. I thought geek as an insult is now obsolete because it is actually now cool because of Silicon Valley.

So I don't know why he seems to be compensating for being a geek (which we agree we both are) by saying that.

I told him a couple of times, but I guess sometimes he forgets.

[CoolToned]

Italiangreyhound - exactly. That's why it annoys me. But clearly I am in the minority.

[JAPABiamtheonewhoknocks]

I'm wondering if it would be preferable if he was to switch to saying "I'd like to make love to her" :)

Like others I find it hard to get worked up about this sort of thing. Just someone with normal heterosexual interests expressing them to a mate. That said, if you do not want to hear it and in that form then fair enough, he ought to stop saying it to you.

[greenlolly]

I say it about men. I'm not horrible or a geek. And past experience would suggest that I do actually have a chance.

I think you are being horrible about him. I hope he finds some better friends than you

[JAPABiamtheonewhoknocks]

One poster said something about assumption - no assumption implied, I might say "I'd do him" about someone I fancied loads but that doesn't imply that I think they'd fancy me.

And people can say "I would" or similar even though they actually wouldn't in practise because either they or the person they are talking about has a partner, or for some other reason.

It is just an expression of "I find them physically attractive" with nothing else implied. Though other people will infer all sorts.

[IWasGintyMarlowe]

i hate that expression. horrible casual sexism at it's finest. YADDDNBU. i cringe when i hear talk like that

[IWasGintyMarlowe]

mind you, maybe i'm being a bit hypocritical. sometimes i have seen a man and thought "yes, i would!" i don't say it though!

[LikeDylanInTheMovies]

"I find them physically attractive"

Yep nothing more, nothing less. I don't see anything wrong with that, unless you are forcing yourself on the object of your desire or making them feel uncomfortable by articulating that sentiment in earshot.

A male friend was often surreptitiously declare that someone he was attracted to would get 'every inch of his love' (which I think is from Led Zepplin's Whole Lotta Love)

Our stock response was inevitably 'What's she going to do with two inches?'

[Beeziekn33ze]

Tacky, he should be able to express his lust more elegantly!!

[Beeziekn33ze]

Did someone mention Sean Bean? Should he ask I'd have to say 'I would' with a very silly grin on my face. Ever since Sharpe, what is it about that man?

[IWasGintyMarlowe]

when i say that "i would" of course, i mean that i find a certain man attractive enough to make love to. but i am scared of relationships so tend to hero worship from a distance!

[Italiangreyhound]

Cooltoned it doesn't matter if you are in the minority, you are the queen of your own life and if your friend respects you he will stop using offensive terms in front of you. If he keeps doing it I might simply do an exaggerated YAWN every time and ask him to change the record.

He is clearly doing it to 'impress you' since he knows whether he fancies a woman, and the women won't know what he is saying to you, so it is for your 'benefit'!

[LadyHonoriaDedlock]

He's a geek, therefore socially awkward by default, therefore give him a break. Me and geek (female) friends would say the same. The Geek shall inherit the earth, y' know?

[frikadela01]

Did someone mention Sean Bean? Should he ask I'd have to say 'I would' with a very silly grin on my face. Ever since Sharpe, what is it about that man?

It's the accent

[CoolToned]

I refuse to agree that it's because he's a geek that he says things like "I'd do her". I am married to the biggest geek I know, and he will never say that. I am a geek, I have many other friends who are geeks who do not say things like that.

I think it's not that he's a geek, it's probably that he's overcompensating and wants to look "cool".