not to know if I'm supposed to give DS a cooked tea?

[atticusfinchatemybaby]

DS1 used to have cooked lunch at nursery, followed by tea there at 4pm (mostly bread and butter, dips, cheese, fruit etc). Then he'd come home and eat some more at 5.30 - sometimes virtually a whole cooked meal, sometimes almost nothing. He's just started Reception so now has cooked lunch there (but I have no idea what / how much he's eating) and a snack on way home. Do I cook him dinner? Give him toast? Some days he seems hungry, some days he isn't and I can't predict. What does everyone else do? I can't be arsed cooking yet another meal if it doesn't get eaten but I don't want him to go hungry.

[PikachuBoo]

Of course you cook for them. Mine aren't huge eaters portion size (compared with their friends, but they are tiny for age) but we've always given them a proper meal. I agree the hot/cold thing is a red herring.

We mostly make family meals and kids have the portion they want. At 5, they ate at about 5.30 after a tiny post-school snack.

It's fine to go for the beans on toast/cheese on toast from time-to-time, or if you are skint and have no choice, but to choose it because your child has had school lunch is odd.

[Duckafuck]

Breakfast at home, lunch at school, dinner at home. That's the norm isn't it? How could he possibly have his last meal of the day at lunch time and then survive on a small snack after school? Please offer him dinner! If he doesn't eat it (unlikely unless it's something he really dislikes) fridge it and eat later/next day.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

School lunch sizes are very small. Very. It doesn't improve in secondary school either. I gave up on choosing something from the main meal section of the secondary school I work in because there would be something like chicken pie with one piece of chicken in, and you weren't allowed potatoes with it, only greens because the pastry was supplied to be the carb part of it. One time I asked for pasta bake. There was no pasta in it. . I was always hungry for a proper meal at night (unless it was roast dinner day, that was always filling), so I thought I may as well choose something cheaper and more "lunchy" than "dinnery" - like soup or a sandwich.

Both my kids needed a proper meal at home on the evening.

[sandbagsatdawn]

Handmaid, what time do you cook and eat a family tea every day? Like a lot of families, in our house, dh often Doesn't get home til bedtime or later. Plus the 3 kids have assorted clubs at various times and I work after school 2days. Therefore, sometimes they have a packed tea on the go, sometimes they each have sandwich or toast at different times, sometimes they have a cooked meal and then I cook something different for us later, sometimes we all eat at 5 ish when dh works from home. I'm more baffled that many families are all at home for a cooked meal at a child friendly time every evening. I suppose it might be doable when they are all teenagers and can eat at 7 or 8 pm... until then real life gets in the way.

[sandbagsatdawn]

In answer to the op, I tend to try to work it that they have a hot school dinner on days when they'll have a sandwich at teatime, and a hot meal in the evening if they've had a sandwich at lunchtime. But sometimes they have a 'proper meal' both times. It's more in the interests of variety than any idea that hot food is more nutritious as both the hot and cold meals have protein, carbohydrates and vegetables in. A sandwich can be a nutritious tea if served with a plate of veg and as long as it contains egg/cheese/meat etc not just jam!

[BertieBotts]

Just do whatever you want? It's your family and your child. If you want to cook in the evening then cook. If it feels more convenient not to, and it's not causing any issues, then don't.

No overthinking or "shoulds" needed.

[Thinkingblonde]

Don't take it for granted he's getting a decent meal at school, I worked as a lunchtime supervisor when my kids were small.

School dinner halls can be noisy, busy places and for small children they can be overwhelming at first. They can be overwhelmed at having to choose from the hatch....Mummy would put a plate of food in front of them at home but here they have to choose... which threw up some interesting combinations. The food is well balanced nutritionally on the whole, the sponge and custard is low sugar, they can only serve chips once a week for e.g.
I was shocked at some of the choices the children made at the serving hatch, one boy practically lived on roast potatoes, he'd talk some of the other boys into asking for them at the hatch, they would pass the roasties on to him he'd stuff them into his pockets to eat later...that is if we didn't catch him doing it. We had a five year old girl with anorexia, she had one to one supervision where we had to note down every morsel of food that passed her lips...and it wasn't a lot.

My grandson (5) was ravenous after school, devouring dry breadbuns his mother had bought on route to pick him up. His teacher said he'd had one carrot stick and sliced cucumber for lunch. He's now taking packed lunches into school and isn't falling asleep during afternoon lessons.

So feed him after school. It doesn't have to be a full roast dinner.

[HandmaidsTail]

sandbags we're lucky because we're (most nights) all home by 5-ish, so we'll eat about 6-6.30pm.

Some nights the kids have clubs or I work late - those are pasta nights!

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

It very much depends on what sort of thing he's eating at school.
None of my kids eat 3 full on meals a day, they have porridge at breakfast a decent sized and quality hot meal at lunch and usually something quick for dinner mostly not hot and if they wish they have something light at supper time.

[madein1995]

I'd say just offer him a portion of whatever you are having, like normal - if he doesn't want it as not hungry then give supper of milk and toast or something and save the meal til tomorrow and heat it up. I'd offer something more substantial than a snack after school because it's a long time until the next meal. Also the majority of primary school kids are starving come home time, school dinner or no - portion sizes are the same across the school, and they're so busy and active they're burning the energy. I'd just serve him the same meal as you are - I think it'd be daft to sort out 2 different meals. I'd second the fact that you don't know how much he's eating at school - I was a fussy kid so used to go without except the dessert at primary until I was switched over to packed lunches, also they're busy/chatty/want to play so eating properly isn't going to be a priority.

When I was small I used to have:
Breakfast
Snack - fruit
Lunch - packed lunch, then as I got less fussy school dinner
Tea @4pm (mum and dad ate together later)
Then bed at 7 - as I got older and bedtime got later I had a bowl of cereal @7pm ish.
That sounds like a lot but I was slim as a child. Eating four meals a day (fourth meal is supper - so toast or cereal) means I don't snack on crap in the evening (eat tea around 6pm as up early)

[madein1995]

I also can't imagine not having a warm meal in the evenings in winter - in summer fair enough, but with the cold winter nights etc I want something warm and 99% of the time eat 3 warm meals a day - eg porridge/cornflakes and hot milk, soup/beans on toast etc, tea. For me soup and 2 peices of bread fills me more than cold food eg sandwiches - odd I know.

[BillSykesDog]

DS can choose between a cooked meal or a sandwich at school. So I tend to give him things where he can choose to have a little or a lot and the rest can go back in the fridge. So slices of quiche, chicken drum sticks or sausage roll with a portion of veg. He can have one slice/drumstick or 4 depending on how hungry he is and nothing is wasted.

[Chikara]

Always have a proper meal every evening. It means you know child has had good food. Also good habit to be in, good for variety, good for social skills. Small portions are fine if child not hungry.

[Chikara]

Sorry OP - didn't mean YOU always should - was being general. It is what I do as it is easier than fussing with snacks and stuff. Chicken stew on the hob now for serving later and freezing.

[Houseconfusion]

If by tea you mean the standard evening meal then well YES. Three meals a day?

[TaylorSwiftMakesMyShitItch]

Mine have a snack when they first get in (rice cakes, yogurt, a piece of fruit, something small to tide them over as they come home ravenous), then they have supper. Either all together, or if we're in and out they will have something from the freezer stash or a throw together from the fridge...pasta with chunky tomato sauce, bolognese, omelette and salad, a stir fry with noodles, jacket potato with something.

But yes, you do need to offer a meal every day after school!

[user1474627704]

People actually need to ask whether to feed their children a meal, at dinnertime?

[slightlyglitterbrained]

ODFOD, user1474. The OPs question was big dinner or light meal. This has been quite a useful and unjudgy thread so far. Most parents of first time reception children are about 10-15 days in max and may not even have started school meals yet.

[Mrscog]

My DS's only have snacks in the week - They're 4 (just started reception) and 1. They both have a cooked lunch, but DH and I work FT and I don't get in with the DS's until 5.30pm, they both have to be in bed by 6.45 otherwise they go wild with tiredness, so we basically get in and I throw a variety of snack things like toast/fruit/cheese/yoghurt/beans/pork pie/crudités/omelette at them until they stop eating it. They both get afternoon snacks at 4pm at after school club/nursery too. We then have 2 proper family dinners at the weekend. As they get older and are able to stay up later I will change the routine to do an evening meal around 7pm (when DH gets in) but for now it suits us.

[Yorkiebar71]

I'm a dinner lady at a primary school and very few children eat all their lunch, they will try anything to get away with not eating. Some literally don't even have one bite of their lunch so please don't assume just because they are offered a school lunch they are eating it

[Danceslikeadrunkcat]

My kids are starving after school. I give them a substantial snack on the way home (a banana and digestive or something similar), they both drink 300 ml of milk as soon as they get into the house then have a full cooked dinner by 4:30, normaly seconds, a piece of fruit then a yoghurt and something like carrot sticks and houmous if they are still hungry. Im not sure what school does to them but they cost me a fortune to feed!

[Marcipex]

I happened to be in the school hall at lunch time recently.

The meals were minute, my very slim children ate more at age 2.

I also saw several of the youngest children throwing their meal away untasted....fish fingers still whole etc. No one had cut up their food and no one was looking to see if they'd eaten it, they were allowed to bin the whole meal.

As my visit was entirely random, I assume this was a typical day.

[Goingtobeawesome]

I've always cooked a hot meal and mine have had packed lunches or cooked food at school. They always ate it and as I had no idea when little what they ate it meant I knew they'd had a good meal. Now they either buy food or eat nothing as all are at secondary and I cook in the evening. Currently trying to make tea gradually later so that when DH starts his new job and is home earlier we can eat together, but mainly so I don't have to cook three different meals for five people in two shifts.

[herethereandeverywhere]

I find it difficult to understand the posters that have family meals every night!

I have one child who is overweight and needs constant meal/food/portion control to keep weight in line. The other is skinny and fussy as hell. Will refuse anything new/different/that indicates it may contain vegetables. they eat at 11.30am in school so are ravenous by 4.30-5.

I get in from work at 6pm. My husband gets in any time between 7.30 ad 9.30pm, unless he's busy.

The thought that I would cook a meal that we would all eat - and eat on the same day - is in the realms of fantasy.

[Ragwort]

I find this obsession with 'proper, cooked meals' ridiculous - there is nothing necessarily more nutritious in a hot meal than in a cold meal - it totally depends what you are serving. A platter of cheese, hard boiled egg, chopped salad vegetables and fruit is surely 'better' for you than cheap sausages and chips?

I am over weight and one of the reasons is that I am fixated with eating three meals a day, even when not hungry, just from sheer force of habit. I wish I had learned to enjoy smaller, lighter meals.

And I have never yet met a child who is 'starving' - I appreciate it is an exaggeration but I do think as a word it is very much over used in our affluent society when there are, sadly, many children who are genuinely starving throughout the world.