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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To secretly feel so sad about moving house tomorrow?

31 replies

LaMadeleine · 15/09/2016 06:08

Tomorrow I'll be moving house, from the home I've lived in for the last fourteen years. It was the first house I bought and the only place I've lived since leaving my mum and dad's house. My nearly three year old has lived here all her little life.

To be honest, I've had a fair bit of bad luck in this house and some very lonely points as the majority of my time here was spent living alone. But then of course I have had some lovely times, especially pregnancy, being a new parent to DD etc

The new house is pretty much ready. We've been renovating it for months now so have spent a fair amount of time there already. Thanks to this, DD knows the new place like the back of her hand now and really loves being there. Hopefully the move shouldn't trouble her too much. The house is bigger and I do like it and want to move. We'll be better off money-wise too.

I've been feeling ok about the move up until now, mainly because I've been so busy I think. I woke up this morning feeling really sad and anxious though, in fact I've had a bit of a cry thinking about leaving this place. I'm just trying to get myself together before DD wakes up so she doesn't see me all upset.

I do suffer with anxiety so I guess I'm trying to figure out if it's that or if this is a normal way to feel the day before moving house. I'm sure it must be normal, I guess I'll be fine in a few days, right?

OP posts:

wannabestressfree · 15/09/2016 06:12

It's a combination and completely normal. You have lived in one place for a long time and think of all the things it signifies to you. There is also the responsibility of getting it right when you have children.... I know I feel like that when we move. Am I doing the right thing?
You have stated all the positives and focus on those when you go today. Just don't worry about saying goodbye and having a few tears. Good luck x

Andcake · 15/09/2016 06:22

Totally normal - I could have written your post in December. Be warned after initial excitement of moves wears off you may get moments of ' home sickness' again totally normal. Have a good cry. My 3 yo still talks about our old place and being positive to him has been important. I love my new home do much space etc if I could transform it out of the suburbs and into where my grotty small central London flat was I would do it in a second. It takes time I was in my old place 16 years. A wise old friend said to me it takes at least 6 months and she's right I'm nearly there.

Ditsy4 · 15/09/2016 06:30

Yep, totally normal. I cried nearly every time. It is because you are moving and leaving those memories just as you describe. I really cried last time because we were leaving the house( which I didn't particularity like ) the village and the country. Only Scotland to England but 300 miles.i love this house it is much, much nicer but I had my second and third son at the last house and all the memories of those times as I was mostly very happy there.
It is just all your emotions churned up.

positivity123 · 15/09/2016 06:33

Totally normal. It's hard to let go. Can you go into each room and thank it for the memories? It helped me when I was trying to declutter. I acknowledged and thanked every item I got rid of. Sounds weird but helps. Good luck with the move

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 15/09/2016 06:41

It's entirely normal - you are going through s major transition and it's entirely natural to grieve for what has gone - doesn't mean you can't be excited and looking forward to the new house too or that the move isn't the right thing.
I wouldn't try and hide you tears from your DD - as long as you aren't utterly distressed and explain why you are crying.
There's nought wrong about feeling sad - it's healthy and shows you're a nuanced human being with feelings. (I still have dreams about the first house I ever lived from when I was born in 1964 til I was 9 in 1973).
Enjoy your new house and good luck with the move.

Original poster

LaMadeleine · 15/09/2016 18:09

Thank you very much for your replies. Each one made me feel a bit better about feeling a bit wobbly.

Wannabe - Yes you are so right about the pressure to get things right. I think that might be playing a big part in my apprehension without me realising it.

Andcake - Thanks for posting that. It was good to read about you having such a similar experience and how your son handled things. Here's to six months time!

Ditsy - Yes, exactly that - churned up emotions. Remembering all the lovely mum and newborn times too I guess.

Positivity - Thanks for that. I've been around the house and taken a quick video today so that DD can watch it if she ever feels like it. We will also go around the whole house and say 'goodbye' to stuff tomorrow. It's for her mainly but no doubt it'll do me some good too.

Onemore - Thank you for suggesting I don't try to hide my tears from DD. I was worried it'd unsettle her but I think she'd be unsettled anyway as she's not daft, so I just explained to her. In fact she wiped my eye for me with one of her baby wipes like a little mini mum.

OP posts:

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 07/11/2016 08:35

I've just came across this thread and I've got to say I totally understand. I've been in my home for thirty years and at aged fifty one we're down sizing, paying off the mortgage and owning outright a lovely little house in an area we like, but.... I think I'm in denial about moving, I have highs of looking forward to our new home, then to massive lows of guilt of how can I leave this house after all the problems it's seen me through, all the welcoming hugs I feel it gives me and I'm aware of how silly that sounds but it's how I feel. We've had a huge amount of interest in our house and it sold in two weeks but that only made me feel resentment and jealousy, a case of how dare they want my house. We're down sizing so my husband can drop a shift at work to help with the grandchildren and of course to own a home outright and have no mortgage is an amazing achievement. I know I sound ungrateful, but I just feel like I'm abandoning my home, it's been with me for thirty years, so I supposed I will adapt as the months go by, as will you, we always do, I suppose I'm scared of what if I've done the wrong thing abandoning this house, it's scary as you know you'll never be able to go back. Never mind, it's a chance we take I suppose, I'm hoping the guilt and sadness pass soon though. Good luck with your new home.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 07/11/2016 09:02

It is hard, but it is also opening an exciting new chapter.

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 07/11/2016 09:07

Thanks Foxyloxy, you're right.

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 07/11/2016 09:09

Sorry Foxyloxy I meant to say, you're right it is and I should really start looking at more that way and be a bit more positive, thank you.

maddiemookins16mum · 07/11/2016 09:09

I understand too. This is slightly different but I sold my mums house last year (she died the year before). I lived there from 19 but naturally moved away etc in my mid 20's but it was still home as I spent a lot of time with my mum and every Christmas etc. It was the family home for over 30 years.
I still miss it (but I guess what I miss is the family times/my mum). I dreamt about it the other night, going back, hearing all the noises it made -a certain step always creaked).

trixymalixy · 07/11/2016 09:21

I am feeling like this too. We've been in our house for 12 years, it's the only house the kids have ever known and DD was born in the living room!

It doesn't help that we are moving to a smaller, more expensive house on a busy road. The only reason for moving is to be in a decent school catchment.

Our house has been a bit of a labour of love, and we've just got it how we would like it, but we're having to start again in the new house.

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 07/11/2016 09:26

I know how you feel trixymalixy, my son was brought home from the maternity hospital at two days old, he owns his own beautiful home with his wife now but he loves this house and it's actually just ten doors away from were he bought his, so he'll be seeing the new owners coming and going everyday, so that'll be hard.

TrickyD · 07/11/2016 09:32

This has made me remember leaving our first house and I am weeping. We moved there when DS1 was nearly 2 and DS2 was 8 months and stayed for five years. We had lots of friends, the DCs loved their little school and we were moving 100 miles away for DH's job. When we set off in our loaded car, tears streaming , all the neighbours came out and waved us off, it was that sort of road. Such a vivid recollection.
But OP, you will get over it, embrace the future.

ByeByeLilSebastian · 07/11/2016 09:40

I get it. I felt the same leaving our home we'd rented for 3 years to go to our house we'd bought. I hated the house but it had so many lovely memories in it, all the neighbours were so lovely and I just wanted to cry about leaving it!
It did take a whole to adjust and I resented our new house a bit because it didn't have the memories (or fab neighbours) like the old house.

We're a year on now and I love it. It just takes time.

GinIsIn · 07/11/2016 09:42

I absolutely howled when I left our old flat, even though we were trading in a poky 1.5 bed flat for a gorgeous 3 bed house. Totally normal. My dad helped me buy the flat, and died a few years ago and it really felt like I was letting go of a last bit of him. Be sad, it's totally totally normal and expected, but let yourself be excited too!

RortyCrankle · 07/11/2016 10:08

It's not unreasonable at all OP. When I left my London home where I had lived for 26 years I sobbed my heart out. Thirteen years later where I live now is so much better - no stairs (I'm disabled) with a lovely garden but every now and again I still miss my old place.

I hope your move goes well

TheWernethWife · 07/11/2016 10:35

Had to leave a house I loved too, was years ago, went through a divorce and had been made redundant as well. The council rehoused me and the children so at least we had a roof over our heads until I could get sorted and buy something else. I sat and cried the night before the move but now 20 years down the line I cannot imagine ever living there. The house I have just left was totally the opposite, could and did walk out without a second glance. It was never a home to me.

hooliodancer · 07/11/2016 20:53

I feel exactly the same as you.

I love my house so much, I feel I have betrayed it by selling it. I cried after every viewing.

I now feel my little house has given me the opportunity to have a new life in a different part of the country, and be mortgage free. I am lucky that I am selling to a lovely woman who I think will look after it. I still feel a bit sad though.

Wrinklytights · 07/11/2016 20:58

I've been sad leaving every house and it does take quite a while for a new place to feel like home, but it does happen eventually - I would say months rather than days though. Good luck in your new home

AlanisM · 23/01/2019 10:31

OP if you are out there can we get an update? Or any of you others who moved and felt the same...how did it turn out?

Cathywan · 14/02/2019 08:15

Oh gosh...this thread describes exactly what I'm going through at the age of 59. Selling the London flat where I brought up children as a single mum to live in the countryside with my partner. I'm crying every night at the thought of it, although I've been planning this move for several years. DP cannot understand (he has no children) Grown up sons cannot understand. Doesn't help that I'm renting in the new place until we find the perfect home. It's the uncertainty that unnerves me as much as the loss. But thanks for all of your stories. Do provide some updates please. I am hoping you are all happy and settled and thriving in your new homes.

Aljmum · 12/03/2019 23:14

Ive never posted on a chat room before but been googling like mad trying to understand why i feel so bad an depressed about my house move, ive wanted to move for a while and thought moving only 10 minutes up the motorway to a quieter area and better high school for when the kids grow up was the best idea, we have bought a new build house which couldny fault its gorgeous we did have a choice of buying a new build in our old area but thought this place would be better for the kids, they dont want to change primary and i dont really want them to to be honest commute to old school not bad really, i dont know what to do about schools or should i stick it out here for a bit an see how i feel or just literally sell up soon if it was left to me i would sell tomorow and move back but theres my partner to consider ive never felt so fed up literally am very depressed and crying all the time. Would appreciate any advice thanks

Enchomage · 13/03/2019 07:39

A caring Estate Agent (they do exist!) once said to me:
"You may be moving house,but your memories will not be lost.They go where you go."

e1y1 · 13/03/2019 07:56

Yes 100% normal, last time we moved after everything was removed from the house and everywhere cleaned (so basically the last time I'd be leaving) I went around all the rooms as a final "check" (there was nothing to check) I'd be lying if I didn't say I had a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

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