To ask if you consider eating with your fork in the 'wrong' hand to be bad manners?

[Whatsername17]

Just that really. My right hand is my dominant hand, although for some tasks (like painting and cleaning) I tend to swap between my right and left hands. I eat with my fork in the right hand and knife in the left. Today someone was complaining that their kids eat the 'wrong way around' and that they were worried and felt it should be corrected. It made me feel a little self conscious tbh. Do people really care about which hand you have your fork in?

[BruceBogtrotter101]

I'm exactly the same as you OP. I do most thinks with my right hand but for some reason I hold my cutlery in the 'wrong' hands. I am also a bit cack handed at eating as well . My parents never corrected me, mainly because my mum is naturally left handed but went to a convent school where she was forced to use her right hand by being beaten so obviously she has strong opinions about that.

[Sarahplane]

I'm right handed and eat the 'wrong' way round. I always use my knife in my left hand and fork in my right. My mum is left handed and eats the other way round.

[DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain]

I would encourage a right handed child to do it the standard way and would expect childcare settings to set out cutlery that way around. It means something so small will never be an issue for them. My DS is left handed though and I'm not sure whether to encourage him to do it the standard way or the one he finds more comfortable...

[Purplebluebird]

I think it's a bit odd, but not as bad manners!

[imwithspud]

DoNot just let him do it which ever way he feels most comfortable. There really is more to life.

[minipie]

I would say it's bad "etiquette" (it's not the "proper" way to do it) but it's not bad manners.

And unlike manners, etiquette isn't important. Unless you're off to lunch with the Queen.

[DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain]

But will he then be teased or looked down upon by people thinking he hasn't been taught good manners. Those people could be his boss or classmates. I want him to feel comfortable in those situations. Equally I don't want to make him uncomfortable in the way he eats or to feel bad about being left handed.

[WhooooAmI24601]

I'm right handed but eat with my left hand, DH is left-handed but eats with his right hand. People are odd. I'm just thrilled when the DCs pick up cutlery and pretend to be civilised instead of eating broccoli with their fingers like tiny caveman savages.

Judging folk by the way they eat is ridiculous unless they eat with their mouth open or talk with food in their mouths, in which case they deserve to be shot.

[imwithspud]

I think you're over thinking it. I've never heard of a child being teased or someone losing their job or missing out on a promotion based on which hand they hold their cutlery in

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll1]

Table manners are more important than how you hold a knife and fork. I wouldn't even notice how anyone cares to hold cutlery but start making chewing or slurping noises or eating with your mouth open and I home in on it.

[Hockeydude]

If I saw some in with fork in right hand and knife in left hand, it would occur to me that they might be left handed and prefer the knife in their dominant hand. Beyond that fleeting thought, I wouldn't think any more, I certainly wouldn't think they were ill mannered. Only a complete dick head would comment to tell another adult person their cutlery was the wrong way around.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I don't think I know which is the correct way now? Fork in left, knife in right is what I do. I'm left-handed.

Like MrsItsNoworNotatAll, whichever way people choose to hold their cutlery doesn't matter to me - but people who are chewing loudly, slurping and GULPING food drive me nuts.

[CancellyMcChequeface]

I start with fork in left and knife in right, cut up all the food, then put my fork in my right hand to eat with. I've been told numerous times that this is wrong or bad mannered, but I have a disability leading to weakness on my left side and eating with my fork in my left hand would lead to lots of dropped food and mess.

I'm indifferent to people who don't know about my condition commenting on the way I eat and feel no need to explain myself to them, but it's beyond irritating when people who know about it say that I should make more effort to do things the 'normal' way. In my estimation that's much ruder than having the fork in the wrong hand!

I'm delighted by this thread, actually, since I can now tell people I'm eating in the American fashion and it's not that uncommon.

[myfriendnigel]

My mother thinks it's bad manners and bangs on constantly to my DD's about it.it actually ruins family meals sometimes.
I couldn't honestly care less as long as they look vaguely presentable and aren't tipping the food into their mouths in the middle of a nice restaurant or whatever.
In America /Europe it's the other way round anyway I think? Or perhaps they just don't care either way?

[minipie]

Slight tangent but how does everyone feel about elbows on the table?

[museumum]

I put my elbows in the table when there are no main plates there - so before and after eating. Sitting up away from the table at those times would feel very uptight and formal to me.
But I would be a bit if my neighbour plonked their elbows onto a table full of main plates mid meal.

[minipie]

Mmm interesting. Never thought of it as being ok at some times but not others. That does make sense though - eating time is when people need "elbow room" so it's polite to keep elbows off the table, but before and after that's not so necessary.

[dodobookends]

Coming from a family with right-handers & left-handers, and with some Americans thrown in as well, I genuinely don't notice which hand people use for what item of cutlery.

[OrangeFluff]

As a left handed person I eat 'the left handed way'. I have never encountered anyone who thought I was rude or had bad table manners I have never had my life limited by it in any way (some posters on here are crazy).

If it is ever mentioned, its in an "oh, I didn't realise you were left handed" kind of way- finding out something new about me, rather than judging me.

[Cellardoor23]

I never put my elbows on the table. I don't understand why it is considered bad etiquette though.

[TheLittleRedHen]

DS uses his cutlery the "wrong" way. I did used to try to make him swap, but now that he's nearly 9, I'm just accepting that it's the right way for him. Life is too short IMO. Manners, like cutting up food, elbows off table and not talking with your mouth full of food are more important that which hand holds his fork.

[LBOCS2]

There's a definite etiquette aspect to this rather than manners.

If you're using your knife and fork properly (not holding them like a pen, not waving them around etc) then it shouldn't matter which hands they're in. I suspect that the etiquette grew out of the knife in the right hand because most people were right handed, and then with the left hand being 'sinister' and discouraged, it stuck and became 'the rules'.

I have excellent table manners but fall down on this area of etiquette. I'm extremely left handed, and so use my knife in my left as it is by far my dominant hand. The only time it causes an issue is if I'm presented with a fish knife

[DotForShort]

Some of the posts on this thread are hilarious. It amuses me no end to read the parochial views of people who believe that the typical British style of handling cutlery is the "proper" way. Well, no. It's simply convention, not some superior method that poor inferior souls (including all those poor dear foreigners) must learn in order to raise their social status. Travel the world and you will discover that conventions differ. Indeed, the UK habit of using the fork upside down and piling a mixture of potatoes, peas, etc. on the back would be considered very unusual indeed in many parts of the world.

Of course, it all comes down to class. No surprise there, because everything in the UK is always about class. (Only a slight exaggeration.)

[BreconBeBuggered]

I honestly couldn't give a fuck how anyone else uses their fork. As long as they use some kind of implement to pick up the food and don't chew with their mouths open, I wouldn't even notice.

I do know the correct way to set a table and use cutlery, despite my general uncouthness, but how anybody has the headspace to notice or mind another person's errors in this department is beyond me.

[Whatsername17]

You aren't supposed to put the soup spoon into your mouth as a whole?! How do you avoid slurping?! My mum would always tell us off for slurping or lip-smacking when eating. I think pp are right - it's more of an etiquette issue than bad manners. I grew up in a very working class household and manners were enforced but clearly my parents didn't have a clue about etiquette. I'm actually laughing at my younger self: whilst I was at Uni I always thought that because I speak well and I'm academic I could pass myself off as fancy when in middle to upper class company. Clearly my lack of etiquette would have meant they saw right through me! I have to say, I will continue to misuse my cutlery though. I'm not bothered about being fancy now that I'm in my 30s!