to storm out of school with my daughter this morning?

[refinnejk]

(I have posted this in primary education too, hope that's OK)
My 8-year-old daughter is unhappy at school and I don't feel the school are offering the necessary support. After a short meeting with the 'parent liaison officer (PLO)', I said I would take her home as I wasn't happy with how the school were dealing with the situation. I am going in to meet her teacher later and I would like some advice/insight about what I should say/request/expect. I don't like being a difficult parent but I feel I have to do something to help my daughter as she is so unhappy.
Backstory - my daughter has had issues all the way through school and I would describe her as complicated. I have generally gone for the tough love option and pushed her in to school crying/screaming/sobbing on occasion. Last year she had a very unsettled year with 4 supply teachers over the year. Towards the end of the year, we arranged a meeting with the school to discuss how unhappy she was. The school was receptive, and the PLO talked to our daughter twice and moved a boy who was 'annoying' her. She seemed happier and enjoyed her meetings with the PLO. The PLO then stopped the meetings after about 2 weeks, as she thought the situation was resolved and said my daughter should just go knock on her door if she wanted to talk to her again - which I know she will not do, and I told her so. At the start of this term, she has a new teacher, an NQT who seems very nice and my daughter likes her. She was seated next to the boy who annoys her again, which I raised with the PLO, and he has swapped with another boy - who used to call her names (she didn't tell me this last year) and he elbows her to make her work a mess. Now I realise the problem is possibly/probably with my daughter, and she does need to tell her teacher - but how do I get her the support that she needs? What if she won't tell the teacher? What should I expect from the school? What do other schools do? The PLO simply says she has to tell the teacher, but she won't. if she would, I'm sure we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. I think she is very quiet at school and doesn't like to 'tell' on other people. At home she is not at all quiet, she is often moody and unhappy. She argues constantly with her younger sister who has a completely opposite character. She has friends on our street who she loves to play with and gets on well with them. I admit to finding her difficult to deal with myself, but she can be really lovely, especially when I spend time with her on her own. Any advice would be hugely appreciated.

[deste]

Titsywoo, how rude.

[liletsthepink]

Goblin, I don't think it's fair to blame bullying on the op's DD.

Op, I think you need to give a list of all the incidents to the head with a copy to the class teacher so that the school are clear that this isn't about you being a difficult parent or your DD having 'issues'. Everything you have described is bullying which hopefully the school will now deal with.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I think you've been given some good advice. As an aside, my DD had a really bad year at school a few years ago. Parental bullying through a child as well, although nothing could be proven and not on school grounds. She found no one to play with in the playground, play dates literally dried up because the other kids saw something was amiss.

I busied her with lots of after school activities. She's an only child so it is easier, I know. She does a range of activities as she's a very active child. I can highly recommend a martial art - DD does judo, karate is supposed to be excellent. She also rides and dances and did swimming for a while. I basically took her to places away from school. At riding and she's really friendly with lots other children of all ages now.

My DD has really flourished and become a lot more self confident and is a lot more bully proof. If you are able, I would do stuff like this.

[Mycatsabastard]

I think you need to work on building your DD's confidence.

You can start by discussing with her how she feels when she get's called names. Then discuss what she can say or do at that point.

My youngest is 10 and she's been picked on by a couple of boys in her year after the mother of another pupil told her DD that my DD has anger issues (she has, she's being assessed for ASD) and one of the boys in particular started taunting her constantly.

The whole thing came to a head when my DD shoved him the road on the way home from school after he had repeatedly prodded her in the back calling her names.

This was not an incident where DD could tell the teacher. Admittedly she didn't deal with it well but she had had enough.

Lots of communication between you, DD and the school (who must deal with the boys who are picking on her) but most importantly your DD needs some help with confidence boosting and being able to speak up.

[SukeyTakeItOffAgain]

Has the teacher really got time to be watching out for signals from one child?

It shouldn't be time consuming, and it's the teacher's job to look after the children in her classroom. I know it's difficult, as I was a teacher. Teachers should have time to deal with stuff like this rather than the millions of petty unnecessary little things the government and SMTs insist they do instead.

[Roseformeplease]

I am a teacher and I would make time to be aware of signals from a child. We have diaries with a traffic light system in them which pupils can use to signal that they need help. It is perfectly easy to see that someone is signalling for help and, to be honest, far less intrusive than someone putting their hand up when others are working quietly.

So, I stand by the idea of a signal - whatever works as a way of allowing communication.

[juliascurr]

sonly - same
she was fine at the new school
this group was great: www.youngminds.org.uk/?gclid=CJ_Nxtrhic8CFcFAGwodGKAIOg

[sonlypuppyfat]

titsywoo I bet your glad you got that off your chest, what a vile nasty thing to say. I bet you were never bullied but you are bullying here

[Arseicle]

Those 2 boys are bullying your daughter, make sure the school are aware of every incident

You have absolutely no basis for saying that and its a very unhelpful thing to say.
The minute any child says anything remotely negative in apost on here you gte wild accusations of bullying. Wind it in.

[DeadGood]

"You have absolutely no basis for saying that"

How embarrassing for you. Did you miss the part where one of the boys intentionally sabotages his girl's work? And how they call her names?

How do you define bullying?

[Omgkitties]

The minute any child says anything remotely negative in apost on here you gte wild accusations of bullying. Wind it in.

Calling her nasty names.
Writing "poo" on her clothes in permeant marker.
Pushing her when she's working to purposely mess up her work.
Upsetting her so much and is in tears about going into school.

That and whatever this other boy is doing to "annoy her", I think it's pretty fair to say she's being bullied and it's not just wild accusations as you say.

[BackforGood]

Did you miss the part where one of the boys intentionally sabotages his girl's work?

The OP said he elbows her to make her work a mess. I'd like to observe them in class. I'd put money on the fact he is a bit unco-ordinated and has accidently bumped into her. We are very much getting one side of the story here.

I am another that thinks you need to work on your dd's confidence. She needs to rehearse how she's going to respond when someone does something she doesn't like. she needs to understand that the school can only help her if she lets them know what the issues are.

[Smrendell]

My sister was getting bullied in school and it was just dissmissed as kids being kids. By the time she was 14 she had been in hospital 3 times due to suicide attempts.

Her last attempt worked and a 16 year old girl lost her life. We lost a daughter/sister/niece/friend.

Don't dismiss bullying as anything less.

[Arseicle]

You only have one side, you don't know the people or the situation and can't call "bullying" based on what you read on here.

[Arseicle]

And really, its embarassing for you to think you can define any situation based on a second hand biased account online.
Get a hold of yourself.

[Willywolly]

The OP said he elbows her to make her work a mess. I'd like to observe them in class. I'd put money on the fact he is a bit unco-ordinated and has accidently bumped into her

It could certainly be that but with all the other stuff he is doing I doubt its an accident.

[kali110]

tit how vile.
So the op's daughter who is being bullied is a princess?
her faullt?
Please ignore the nasty posters op.
It's not your daughter's fault, she's not doing anythibg wrong.
Well done for standing up for her.

[kali110]

Smrendell
Sorry for your loss x

[cestlavielife]

get this book eg amazon and read thru it pick out the relevant activities to do with your daughter. she needs to build resilience herself as well as getting help via school/camhs etc
What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What-to-Do Guides for Kids)
www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Worry-Much-What-/dp/1591473144/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473682601&sr=8-1&keywords=What%20to%20Do%20When%20You%20Worry%20Too%20Much&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[Omgkitties]

Smrendell I'm so sorry Kids can be so horrible and it's awful that nothing was done about the bullying.

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

Smrendell I'm so sorry about your sister

[Arseicle]

Of course the OP can only have one side and since she wasn't talking about bullying no-one else should have been. That being my point