To expect an almost 14yo to be able to buy a few items from the shop without issue?

[FireSquirrel]

Asked stepson to pop to the local supermarket and get a few things for me (I have mobility issues so he often pops to shops for me, usually without issue). Gave him a list, only six things in total, all of them pretty straightforward. Noticed he was gone a bit longer than usual but assumed he was just stuck in a queue or had bumped into a friend. Eventually he reappeared with no food whatsoever, saying he 'couldn't find' a single thing on the (very short and straightforward) list! Forgetting or not being able to find the odd item I could understand, we're all human, but he claims he couldn't find a single thing on the list, not even bananas ffs! By then it was too late to go back as the shop would've been shut. Asked him why he didn't ask a member of staff (big supermarket so plenty of help about) - 'i dunno'. Asked him why he didn't come straight back and tell me, rather than hanging around for so long that by the time he did finally come back the shop was shutting - 'i dunno'. Gave him a talking to about using initiative and asking for help when needed, but feel it really shouldn't have been necessary to still be having to explain that at his age. When chatting to my DH about it later, he didn't seem to think it was a particularly big deal, and there have been similar situations in the past where he's implied that I have unreasonable expectations for my stepson and am unnecessarily harsh on him. Am I really being unreasonable to expect a 13, almost 14 year old to be able to complete a basic shopping list and to use initiative and common sense when needed, and to feel that to not do so is taking the pee?

[ImperialBlether]

You don't need to read to recognise a banana!

[dizzygirl1]

You need to be able to read the list to get a banana!

[blitheringbuzzards1234]

He should have been able to manage it and use his initiative. Do you think that he didn't want to do this task and made a complete mess of it so that he isn't asked again? In which case you need to tell him that as he's no good at this shopping lark you'll ensure that he gets much more practice and he'd better shape up.

[jay55]

My local supermarket can be pretty empty towards closing on a sunday. I've been and not been able to get bananas or any green veg or sliced bread and had left empty handed.

[DeathStare]

This is a task that all my DC have been doing regularly since they were 7.

I agree with Fairylea. I don't think he ever made it to the shop. And your DH needs to stop babying him

[FireSquirrel]

He's a good reader, definitely no problems there, and I used my neatest handwriting

I think you're probably right and he was either too embarassed to ask the staff for help and/or deliberately cocked it up so that I wouldn't ask him to go anymore. Sigh, what a joy the teenage years are!

[AnnieOnnieMouse]

I, too, vote for having met someone, and the shop shut by the time he got there. At age 14, with a bit of advice, my dd could shop for and cook a roast dinner. My advice is to continue to send him to the shop for things - maybe even one thing at a time, so he realises that active incompetence will not get him out of doing things. DH is being pathetic by enabling him. Now give the kid another chore to do.

[Shallishanti]

Use it as a teaching point
Oh dear, X, you seem to have a problem with shopping, you're getting quite grown up now so we really need to help you with this. So tomorrow, I'd like you to go to the shop and just buy (1 item)
(he succeeds, you praise, the next day send him for 2 items, then next day 3- maybe one he would need to ask help for...etc)
NOT punishment....help

[allnewredfairy]

My son would have pulled a stunt like this when he was younger. He was a stubborn bugger but wouldn't have said outright he didn't want to do it. He'd rather sabotage me instead.

[eddiemairswife]

I can remember being that age and not wanting to ask for things if I couldn't find them.

[Marcipex]

I don't think he went to the shop either.
I agree, he hopes you'll stop asking him to run errands.
Pretty pathetic but hey....

[gonzo155]

Either didn't go or thought if he came back and said he couldn't find anything you wouldn't send him again.

[eyebrowsonfleek]

My teens would have called to check if they should substitute the semi-skimmed with full-fat/skimmed or whatever.

I would suspect that he saw someone he knew and didn't want to be seen with groceries.

[bigbluebus]

My DS wouldn't have gone into the shop in the first place unless I had given him a grid reference of the exact location of each item. He has no patience whatsoever for browsing up and down aisles looking for things. I tell him where the items should be and then cross my fingers that they haven't had yet another move around in the store.

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

Ah well at least it now gives dh the opportunity to find a shop still open and get the things his son was unable to get. He might change his view slightly when it is him put out by his son's lack of shopping abilities.

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

Maybe he can take dss and show him how it should be done.

[KitKat1985]

I'm afraid I'm also in the 'I don't think he went to the shops' camp.

[DesolateWaist]

When I was that age I wouldn't have liked to ask about out of stock stuff.

[junebirthdaygirl]

My guess, having had teen boys is that he saw someone he knew, maybe a girl and he couldn't possibly been seen carrying mummy shopping. They are so uptight at that age. I feel sorry for them as so self conscious so maybe your dh gets that as he had his own day.. I always feel it's good to be compassionate at that age as dear knows what way their mind is working.. Also a good sense of humour is helpful and lectures are totally out. The good news is they grow out of that awkwardness but it will be a while.

[allowlsthinkalot]

My seven year old can do that. YANBU.

[whattodowiththepoo]

When I was his age I had a weird anxiety attack and completely failed to do something simple that I had done before, the only response I could give when asked what happened was "dunno"
It was fucking awful and humiliating being belittled for not being able to do something so simple.

[Amelie10]

Oh please Shockers ** not everything has to be a diagnoses on mn!

[youarenotkiddingme]

Well he doesn't have to do it well does he be arise his father doesn't expect him too?

Maybe try an incentive? Give him list of 6 items - roughly cost them and give him a note to next value. Eg £10 for £7 of shopping. Tell him if he gets it all he can keep the change!