To expect an almost 14yo to be able to buy a few items from the shop without issue?

[FireSquirrel]

Asked stepson to pop to the local supermarket and get a few things for me (I have mobility issues so he often pops to shops for me, usually without issue). Gave him a list, only six things in total, all of them pretty straightforward. Noticed he was gone a bit longer than usual but assumed he was just stuck in a queue or had bumped into a friend. Eventually he reappeared with no food whatsoever, saying he 'couldn't find' a single thing on the (very short and straightforward) list! Forgetting or not being able to find the odd item I could understand, we're all human, but he claims he couldn't find a single thing on the list, not even bananas ffs! By then it was too late to go back as the shop would've been shut. Asked him why he didn't ask a member of staff (big supermarket so plenty of help about) - 'i dunno'. Asked him why he didn't come straight back and tell me, rather than hanging around for so long that by the time he did finally come back the shop was shutting - 'i dunno'. Gave him a talking to about using initiative and asking for help when needed, but feel it really shouldn't have been necessary to still be having to explain that at his age. When chatting to my DH about it later, he didn't seem to think it was a particularly big deal, and there have been similar situations in the past where he's implied that I have unreasonable expectations for my stepson and am unnecessarily harsh on him. Am I really being unreasonable to expect a 13, almost 14 year old to be able to complete a basic shopping list and to use initiative and common sense when needed, and to feel that to not do so is taking the pee?

[justilou]

Does he have problems reading? Dyslexia, perhaps?

[PersianCatLady]

I would suspect that he saw someone he knew and didn't want to be seen with groceries
I don't understand what that is all about.

My son used to get well embarrassed about holding bags of groceries like they were bags of tampons or something.

Nowadays I can tell him to hold my handbag while I look for something and he willing stands there holding it whilst speaking to his friends if he sees them and he couldn't care any less.

[eddiemairswife]

I had a chuckle at your 'nice King Edwards' dixie. I would have to get 'a nice hearty lettuce' or a 'nice crusty loaf' when I did my Grandma's shopping over 50 years ago.

[tibbawyrots]

He's 14.

I reckon he went to the shop and there was a girl that he fancies in there so he didn't want to be shopping/his tummy knotted in anticipation "will she talk to me/hope she doesn't talk to me/what if she looks at me" and ended up exiting the supermarket smartish and that's why you ended up with no groceries.

Teenage angst.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Yes, embarrassment plays a huge part in utter uselessness ime.

[KittyKrap]

One of mine was useless at that age. He'd come back with a similar thing that began with the same letter, ask for Parmesan and you'd get Primula spread - still cheesy innit?!

[EnquiringMingeWantsToKnow]

From my experience of DD my guess is that he was a bit crap, not very good at actually opening eyes and looking for things, and asking for help was absolutely unthinkable because he would have literally died of embarrassing. DD would have rung me to moan about my unreasonableness is sending her to do this completely impossible task though.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Teens can be amazingly inept.

Yes

[youarenotkiddingme]

Well he doesn't have to do it well does he be arise his father doesn't expect him too?

Maybe try an incentive? Give him list of 6 items - roughly cost them and give him a note to next value. Eg £10 for £7 of shopping. Tell him if he gets it all he can keep the change!

[Amelie10]

Oh please Shockers ** not everything has to be a diagnoses on mn!

[whattodowiththepoo]

When I was his age I had a weird anxiety attack and completely failed to do something simple that I had done before, the only response I could give when asked what happened was "dunno"
It was fucking awful and humiliating being belittled for not being able to do something so simple.

[allowlsthinkalot]

My seven year old can do that. YANBU.

[junebirthdaygirl]

My guess, having had teen boys is that he saw someone he knew, maybe a girl and he couldn't possibly been seen carrying mummy shopping. They are so uptight at that age. I feel sorry for them as so self conscious so maybe your dh gets that as he had his own day.. I always feel it's good to be compassionate at that age as dear knows what way their mind is working.. Also a good sense of humour is helpful and lectures are totally out. The good news is they grow out of that awkwardness but it will be a while.

[DesolateWaist]

When I was that age I wouldn't have liked to ask about out of stock stuff.

[KitKat1985]

I'm afraid I'm also in the 'I don't think he went to the shops' camp.

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

Maybe he can take dss and show him how it should be done.

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

Ah well at least it now gives dh the opportunity to find a shop still open and get the things his son was unable to get. He might change his view slightly when it is him put out by his son's lack of shopping abilities.

[bigbluebus]

My DS wouldn't have gone into the shop in the first place unless I had given him a grid reference of the exact location of each item. He has no patience whatsoever for browsing up and down aisles looking for things. I tell him where the items should be and then cross my fingers that they haven't had yet another move around in the store.

[eyebrowsonfleek]

My teens would have called to check if they should substitute the semi-skimmed with full-fat/skimmed or whatever.

I would suspect that he saw someone he knew and didn't want to be seen with groceries.

[gonzo155]

Either didn't go or thought if he came back and said he couldn't find anything you wouldn't send him again.

[Marcipex]

I don't think he went to the shop either.
I agree, he hopes you'll stop asking him to run errands.
Pretty pathetic but hey....

[eddiemairswife]

I can remember being that age and not wanting to ask for things if I couldn't find them.

[allnewredfairy]

My son would have pulled a stunt like this when he was younger. He was a stubborn bugger but wouldn't have said outright he didn't want to do it. He'd rather sabotage me instead.

[Shallishanti]

Use it as a teaching point
Oh dear, X, you seem to have a problem with shopping, you're getting quite grown up now so we really need to help you with this. So tomorrow, I'd like you to go to the shop and just buy (1 item)
(he succeeds, you praise, the next day send him for 2 items, then next day 3- maybe one he would need to ask help for...etc)
NOT punishment....help