To think there is a chance he still believes

[blondieblondie]

My DS is 11and starting high school.

We were talking about Christmas recently and he mentioned Santa. AIBU to worry that he actually still believes? I don't want him going to high school and saying something which will get him torn to shreds. His dad (my ex) thinks there's no need to say anything to him about it. He reckons that while he might secretly hope it's true, he wouldn't dare so so to other kids because that's risky. I don't want to sit him down and ask him, but I don't want to set him for ridicule either.

AIBU and a bit naive to think he doesn't know?

[squizita]

I've taught lots 11 year olds who still believe. It kind of becomes apparent when reading certain books (eg Little House On The Prairie). It doesn't really come up beyween kids iyswim just in stories etc.

[weepat]

In my house ive never had the "TALK". They find out in their own way.
However to make the magic last i always told them santa brought the main pressie & mum & dad sent money to santa or supplied the other gifts .
Santa couldnt possibly make/buy multi gifts for every child.
Ive always found this version covered most parents explanations to their kids so the magic lasted a bit longer.
& for the kids who search for pressies before xmas (mines never did ) it explained why pressies are hidden away.
Also santa pressies were always wrapped up & delivered on xmas eve .. Family pressies were under the tree as they arrived in the week or so before the 25th.

[TSSDNCOP]

To answer some of the questions from a PP:

The many Santas you see are in fact merely Santas representatives on earth charged with keeping ears out for updates to wish lists.

Santa uses the many Toys R Us, Smyhtbs toys around the globe as refuelling depots thus the entire worlds presents dot need to be on the sleigh.

[squizita]

...also on the topic of bullying I see a lot of BS on MN about "setting up" for bullying. Bullies are after much more subtle things - the tease might be about a fashion choice or father Christmas but frankly if not that they would find another reason.
If we are talking about sad naivity it's the idea that if we parent right our child won't get bullied. If the bully dislikes them (which is random and not based on a thing) they will bully. If they're not disliked they'll be ignored.

[Happyhippy45]

I found out at a very young age (5) from my older brother. I was so disappointed.
My own two pestered and badgered me to give a direct answer. They had already figured out the tooth fairy before they had lost all their baby teeth. We had fun keeping it going. Including me dressing up as the tooth fairy and flouncing into their bedroom before they went to sleep to put money under a pillow.
Any direct questions about Santa being real was dismissed with a "Oh Christmas is magical!"
When they eventually wore me down (they were age 8 and 5....so more the older one) and I told them the truth my daughter was a bit annoyed that we had lied to them all this time!
The next Christmas after them finding out, I left gifts under the tree for them "from the magic penguins." Did that for quite a few years.
They didn't make fun of anyone for believing in Santa. Or try to convince them they were wrong.
11 is a bit older than average to still believe but I'd just let him figure it out. If he asks you direct, just tell him the truth.

[Fififerry1]

I have never admitted to my (now older teenage) children that SC doesn't exist. Of course they know but it is just part of the Christmas tradition we don't want to lose and it is fun. They play along. My youngest DD still half believed in Year 7 but knew most didn't and it wasn't a problem.

[BillyNotQuiteNoMates]

I was the child who had parents who wouldn't lie, so was never taught that Santa was real 😢
If you're concerned (and I suspect that he does know, he's just stringing you along, as most kids do, who think you'll stop their stocking do they say owt) then why not ask him to help you fill a stocking for someone. If us to have a younger DC then do it for a child in a hostel, who probably won't get much at Christmas. Then you can talk about the spirit of Christmas and help him think about others not so lucky as him, at the same time.

[BillyNotQuiteNoMates]

Was meant to say "if you don't have a younger DC"

[EastMidsMummy]

It shows no imagination to believe in Santa aged 11 - quite the opposite.
An imaginative child would have worked it out.

[EastMidsMummy]

LOL-ing at "I'm not thick, I'm a teacher," btw

[Busybusybust]

I'm the youngest of three,and I well remember pretending to believe for years after my siblings had disallusioned me! I kept it going because my parents obviously wanted me to, and I was happy to oblige!

[isittimeforcoffee]

Why are you 'LOL - ing' EastMidsMummy? I'm clearly missing the joke there.

[Mycraneisfixed]

Why are some people so nasty while hiding behind the anonymity of MN?
I'm sure EastMids wouldn't be so rude in a face to face discussion IRL.
She wouldn't have any friends if she were.

[dementeddinnerlady]

In our house we have a rule "in order to receive you need to believe"

[OSETmum]

I'd tell him tbh. I used to support a girl at primary school who went of to the same high school as my (much younger) brother. He told me that one of the teachers casually mentioned it, shattering her illusion in a very abrupt and public way. I guess the teacher assumed everyone knew and my brother was most bemused (although thankfully not in any way unkind to her).

[skyyequake]

OP just a thought but it might be that he doesn't want to stop believing? When I was his age I'd figured out that Santa/Tooth Fairy/etc weren't real, but I went along with it. Partly because of younger siblings, but mostly because I wasn't ready to let go of something that was such a big part of the magic/tradition of Christmas... It's like a part of your childhood and your DS might just be wanting to hold on to that, especially as he's just about to start a new "grown up" school. Obviously there could be many reasons as stated above (between all the drama) but just a different perspective/possibility...

[Nousernameforme]

I tell mine in the summer between year 6 and year 7 dd the eldest had figured it out. Ds1, who is actually in the critical thinkers class as part of the schools gifted and talented programme, had no idea, I felt awful but i found something on pinterest about how once you are a certain age you help make the magic. I involved him in choosing his younger brothers presents and keeping him believing which would have gone much better if said younger brother who was 7 at the time didn't turn round and shit all over that plan by going "There isn't a father christmas it's mum and dad Duh!" by the way he is autistic if that matters and terrified of santa so I suppose that was a blessing in disguise.

[IamtheZombie]

www.nysun.com/editorials/yes-virginia/68502/

[eyebrowsonfleek]

My son is no genius like the children of MNers but worked out that FC wasn't real since if he was, children in poor countries would get mountains of presents while children in rich countries would get just one or two.

I never understand how children can be devastated to discover the truth. In my limited experience of my kids and their friends, they are happy to be let in on this adult secret and enjoy participating in the rituals for the sake of younger ones and adults.

My son is starting y6 and some of his friends definitely believe. Ds just keeps schtum when the subject of FC comes up as he doesn't want to lie or burst other people's bubbles and embarass them.

[DetoxWithChocs]

You know your own child best.

We seized the opportunity to tell dd (11) a few months ago when she made it clear she'd sussed the Easter Bunny wasn't real. Her dad gently asked her who else was 'us'. She got the Tooth Fairy but when he asked if there was anyone else she said, 'Santa?' quite incredulously.

She was surprised, but pleased, to be let in on the secret; promising to keep shtum for believing friends/Ds. She was surprised because she couldn't believe we could afford all those presents. Sweet really.

[Kidsrulethishouse]

Take him Christmas shopping. I'm sure the opportunity to talk about it honestly will arise easily then x

[BathshebaDarkstone]

My DSis apparently, when she was 13, announced to her friends that FC was really her mum and dad. Cue unanimous guffawing. I think she's survived 3 years on without being unduly traumatised by the experience though.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

ArmfulofRoses