To think there is a chance he still believes

[blondieblondie]

My DS is 11and starting high school.

We were talking about Christmas recently and he mentioned Santa. AIBU to worry that he actually still believes? I don't want him going to high school and saying something which will get him torn to shreds. His dad (my ex) thinks there's no need to say anything to him about it. He reckons that while he might secretly hope it's true, he wouldn't dare so so to other kids because that's risky. I don't want to sit him down and ask him, but I don't want to set him for ridicule either.

AIBU and a bit naive to think he doesn't know?

[Wordsaremything]

He's 11?
Unless he is very dim he is having you on.
I knew from 3 when I spotted the elastic holding the beard on at nursery.
Confirmed by multiple sightings and unlikely tales of descents of fat Men down chimneys.

[SanityAssassin]

My just 7 year old sussed out the tooth fairy but we agreed it was silly but nice and mummy liked doing it and we would play along for my sake. He has serious doubts about Santa too but is hedging his bets at the moment - we will adopt the same attitude for that I hope.

[BoxofSnails]

My DD worked it out at 5, I was probably 6ish when it was my turn. I think a hefty diet of talking about how many children in the world can't go to school or have enough to eat; and the whole thing of wanting to build trust in what I said to her made me pretty relieved. I expect your son realises, OP. My only concern would be making sure there's nothing he feels he can't talk to you about. FC covers a multitude of parenting styles, underlying psychology and family dynamics, IMO.

[LikeDylanInTheMovies]

He must have figured it out op!

Pound to a penny he playing along to humour you and/or younger siblings. He must have twigged that

1. Father Christmas puts in a lot of appearances in shops/Christmas dates
   
   
2. He is a different shape/height and has a different voice in each one.
   
   
3. The sheer impossibility of getting around the entire world in one night and getting access to everyone's house.
   
   
4. How does he carry all the toys?
   
   
5. Has he not been Christmas shopping with you? Bought presents for grandparents?
   
   I'd be amazed that an 11year old hasn't questioned at least one of these things or heard a classmate mention the fact it was all made up. I'd be tempted to keep playing along, see if he'll do it in his forties!

[EvansOvalPies]

I do think it's bad parenting to let children get to the age of secondary school and still believe in Santa. Not just because of the teasing, but because it demonstrates a disregard for their intellectual development

I feel the same way about letting children believe in a mythical 'God' of any kind. Exactly the same sort of thing. I think they just need to figure out the truth for themselves. As long as it's a harmless, happy belief, then there's no problem, surely. So in your view, believing in Father Christmas (or 'Santa', as you refer to him) is worse than believing in someone (Jesus) who apparently rose from the dead? And Adam and Eve, and Noah? At least St Nicholas was an actual person, who actually lived and really did do good things.

This is a nice link: www.whychristmas.com/customs/fatherchristmas.shtml

[isittimeforcoffee]

I was 12 when I stopped believing in Santa. I'm not thick - I'm a teacher. I was innocent. When I was 24 and still living at home with my brothers, who were both 18+, we still did the leaving carrot and drink out for Santa because it was part of the tradition.

No. I wouldn't tell them to be honest. The belief won't be there much longer, and in my experience working in schools, he wouldn't be bullied.

[willowtreecottage]

I'm surprised how cruel some parents can be to other families. That is much more of a worry than believing in flipping Santa!
Eastmidlands you shouldn't be ashamed.
Do you ever think your words through?

[PartiallyStars]

Right. I believed in Father Christmas until I was 10/11. I was a bright child, who passed my 11 plus and later went to Oxbridge so less of this "must be thick" gubbins. Personally I was able to believe in Father Christmas at the same time as reading my mum's Family Circle magazines with articles about stocking fillers. If you believe in magic you can believe in Father Christmas despite all evidence to the contrary, because it's magic.

Keats called it negative capability: "The capacity of the greatest writers (particularly Shakespeare) to pursue a vision of artistic beauty even when it leads them into intellectual confusion and uncertainty, as opposed to a preference for philosophical certainty over artistic beauty."

[Minisoksmakehardwork]

I can't remember how I was when I found out. 9-10 maybe. But it wasn't a huge reveal, I think it was a louder than normal delivery one night so I woke up and then asked my mum the next day. It wasn't disappointing either, but I can still remember the thrill and excitement of when I did believe in a magical being to bring presents.

My eldest is 8 and oh my gosh does she believe in Father Christmas wholeheartedly. I even complained to our village newsletter when they printed a back page spread proclaiming the lie of Santa one Xmas (I pointed out even my middle son could read and at 5 he was too young to have his belief shattered so cruelly). I might have torn the back page off and disposed of it.

My cousin told her dd at 7 as she didn't want her to be teased even more than she already was. And I think that's what's so sad. Instead of teaching our children not to tease and humiliate each other for their beliefs, we tell them something isn't real.

[Mycatsabastard]

Kids are young for such a short time, why not let the magic continue as long as possible?

There are some really horrible comments on here and I'd hate to be a child of yours if you get called 'thick' for wanting to believe in the magic for a little longer.

[Kaykee]

Not sure I've ever told mine, eldest is 15 and I'm sure he knows but 11 year old still has another year in primary and I have a 5 & 6 year old. My eldest keeps it alive for his little brothers and genuinely loves the magic and their faces when we talk about Santa. My 11 yr old I don't know if he knows, perhaps he does who knows but I'm sure he's savvy enough not to mention it to his friends.

As for being 'thick or dumb' I am dyslexic and spent years being bullied by people calling me both names, horrible names and says a lot about the poster suggesting other people's kids must be...horrible attitude!!!

[Lnfb85]

I was told, have told other children and will tell my child...

Some people believe and some don't. However, if you choose to believe then Father Christmas will continue to visit you. When and if you choose not to believe he won't come anymore. If your friends choose not to believe that's ok.

So it's sort of a lie, but leaves the choice up to him and also help him accept that others don't believe or have been told not to believe.

It's all about the magic and choosing to believe.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

Soon to be 11 year old still believes. Genuinely.

She's definitely not stupid & she's good at critical thinking. She's also just a sweet kid who has a great imagination. We discuss practical aspects & so far she's satisfied by my replies. Of course she knows the million we see are all just pretend/helpers.

Some of her friends some still believe & some don't. They're all nice so there's no teasing or nastiness.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

One thing I'm certain of, she won't grow up to be a complete cunt like some posters.

[TimeforaNNChange]

Schools in our areas deal with this brilliantly - for instance, the Yr 7 DCs write letters, replying as if they are from "Santa's Elves" as part of their English lessons in response to the letters written to Santa by the local primary school classes.

I really wouldn't fret too much OP; there are far more important skills your DS will need during transition to secondary than cynicism about Santa Claus!

[e1y1]

I would have the talk. I found out when I was about this age; at next door neighbours for a party - so all my immediate family where there, and some other kids said he wasn't real. This was all in earshot of my parents, so I asked them and they confirmed he wasn't. I was devastated.

[CattyMcCatface]

Leave him be. He might already suspect but won't say. Keep the magic going as long as you can. Christmas morning is never quite the same after they know for sure.

Mine are at uni now and still get their sack of presents from Father Christmas!

[skatesection]

I remember having a conversation in the playground when I was about 8 about how Father Christmas was "really your mum and dad"
I thought about it and snapped back
"Don't be so stupid, why would my mum and dad go around the world giving all the children presents!?"

He'll figure it out eventually, don't worry.

[RaeSkywalker]

My Mum apparently told me when I was 3/4 because I was terrified of Santa (a strange man in my bedroom), and she was fed up of me sobbing on Christmas Eve. I used to pretend for my brother though! They told him when he was in year 6. He was gutted.

I'm currently pregnant with DC1- the only thing that DH and I have ever disagreed on is whether to 'do' Santa as it grows up. I just associate the whole thing with how sad my DB was, so I'm not sure I want to.

... Regardless though, how awful to call children stupid for believing

[Gallievans]

My DD sort of believed in year 7, in that 'well if the Tooth Fairy is mum or Dad then logically Santa is too, but if I mention it I might get fewer presents' way. She told us herself on Christmas Day that she knew it was us. That said, we still do the carrot & mince pie, follow him on the NORAD page (bril for hunger kids BTW as shows where he 'is' and all sorts in the build up, Google Santa Tracker) , we still have the stockings as well as family presents. Its all part of the magic & she pretends for her younger cousins and her best friend's siblings. It doesn't indicate a lack of intellectual ability if a child believes or otherwise and to state that is at best facile and and at worst downright cruel

It all depends on the individual child. You know your son best, OP, so In would be guided by him. In my experience (Brownie leader, Cadet Instructor), 11 year olds talk about anything and everything so he's likely to hear both sides (true /false) in the coming months anyway. Seems like you and your ex are doing a good job with him so keep it up!

[Gallievans]

Younger kids! I meant bril for younger kids!

[Lynnm63]

We still follow Santa on NORAD my eldest just took his GCSEs! Ds1 figured out Santa wasn't real at around 9/10. I told him it was me but his twin siblings still believed and if he told them he'd get no presents and that I was MUCH meaner than Santa.

[ChunkyHare]

Ds1 asked me about a week before Christmas of year 6 because everyone was taking the piss out of those that still believed (Ds luckily stayed out of the discussion.) He asked me because he felt stupid thinking something was real when it wasn't.

Roll on Ds2, I told him last Christmas but after Christmas before they went back to school in year 5. I wanted him to find out from us rather than some gobby children in his class.

We will still have stockings that Santa fills and the Elf will still visit and make mischief. Father Christmas is real, he is alive in every parent/grandparent/older siblings who keeps the magic alive for younger children. He may not physically deliver presents but he is still magic.

[EvansOvalPies]

Well at Boarding School, I would sincerely hope that a responsible adult would put the tooth into a little bag or envelope addressed to the Tooth Fairy and then it would go home with the child who has lost the tooth so they can still receive their payment. (I did this for children who had lost their teeth during a normal school day). The Tooth Fairy really doesn't mind if little teeth are a couple of weeks old, in fact, little teeth age rather well and can be used in all sorts of potions. Tooth Fairies quite like them, actually.