To worry about PILs taking DD out and to ask them to let me know where they're going and what time they'll be back?

[MidnightMoths]

I'm so worried I feel sick. I don't know if this is normal PFB anxiety or my stress over their visit.

DD is 11 months, PILs are coming from overseas to stay in our house for 6weeks. I've never met them. DH reassures me they are careful, responsible people and has told them they can take DD out of nursery whenever they want for days out etc. (We have to pay for nursery anyway to keep her place).
Nobody apart from DH has ever taken DD out without me.

I'm worried for several reasons: they don't know the area, they speak very little English, they aren't first-aid trained. I know they dote on her (Skype every other day) but what if something happened? We live in a coastal town, you have to be careful of tides, cliffs, heavy traffic etc. She's crawling but not walking yet. Our house isn't baby proofed so she needs constant watching at home.

We won't be able to spend time with them all together as both of us go back to work the day after they arrive (we've got 2weeks annual leave towards the end of visit but couldn't get it earlier).

I would like to at least know where they intend to take her and when they'll be back, and for them to carry a mobile phone. AIBU?

[PerspicaciaTick]

Try not to worry about the generic, common sense stuff (like the things you listed).
It might be worthwhile going over some of the local, specific things that may have changed in recent years e.g. car seat usage, where the local hospital is/how to call for medical advice (or just remind them to get straight in touch with you, make sure they have your and DH's mobile numbers), give them a small first aid kit for the car, sunscreen advice etc.
Honestly it is PFB, it is normal and you will feel better if you give them a "looking after DD guide" and you will feel arse-clenchingly embarrassed when you re-find the guide in 5 years time , but you will get through it together.

[strawberrybootlace]

This would worry me too. In your position I would baby proof the house from top to bottom (you'll have to do it at some point so might as well be now).

If you're really anxious and don't want to offend them with constant questions you could consider getting one of those tracker tile things and attach it to the pushchair so that you can track where dd is on your phone. I can't remember what they're called, but people attach them to bikes, cars etc in case they get stolen. This won't keep her safe but might help you to relax. I would probably point it out to them though and describe it as an anti theft device since secret tracking is a bit sneaky!

It's reasonable to ask them to take a phone I think.

[gillybeanz]

I agree with a pp, use this time to toddler proof your house to make it easier for yourself, so you aren't so exhausted after a day at home.
You do sound a bit precious, but I can see why you feel like this as you haven't met il's yet.
Talk to your dh about it and mention your concerns.
I also think it's impossible to find grass that no animal has ever been on.

[MidnightMoths]

Thanks for reassurance everyone.

I think part of it is the language barrier, I don't speak much of their language yet so I can't run through things with them. DH will, but he thinks I'm fussing!
If it were my own parents, I'd be able to discuss everything and brief them on what to do in an emergency (choking etc).

That's a good idea about giving them local A&E address, emergency numbers etc. DH and I both commute so it would take us at least an hour (or more) to get home if something happened.

[MidnightMoths]

That's a great idea about the tracker! I'll look into it. Yes, it would be peace of mind to at least know where to find them if I got home and they were out somewhere, not answering phones. I dread a scenario where they're out with DD and I can't get in contact.

As for baby proofing, we have a small pen thing but she hates it and screams to come out, so I only put her in it when I have to leave the room. We can't get rid of furniture or bolt it to walls as house is rented, we'll be moving within a year.

[MaQueen]

First aid training...?

Putting a tracker on the push chair...?

WTAF???

[mydietstartsmonday]

You need to let go a little bit. Meet them get to know them.
First your DD needs to get used to them so keep the first few outings short.

Tell them you are a neurotic first time mother - make light of it, they will then do their best to keep you informed. Maybe asked MIL what was she like with your DH.

No worries get them a mobile and get them to send you photos during the day.

Most of all let them enjoy their GD and your DD enjoy them. Precious times

[DragonsEggsAreAllMine]

Tracker and first aid training ..... Really?

The raised your DH without losing or having him choke, they will be fine.

[thisisafakename]

Can I just ask how much official first aid training and general childcare experience you have had? Or is your experience and expertise just from having DD? If they have brought up your DH, they are exactly as qualified as you to look after your DD. I also presume that they probably aren't going to take her abseiling or white water rafting.
I really would not stick a tracker on the pushchair and nor would I be phoning them every half hour to check all is well. Seriously, you need to relax. She will be absolutely fine (and I presume you entrust her to nursery staff who have managed to keep her alive thus far).

[youshouldcancelthecheque]

I am with you OP, I would get to know them before agreeing to let them take your DD.

You need to take some time off when they first arrive, get to know, gladly show them your DD's routines etc etc, suggest some nursery time as otherwise you will have issues resettling her in.

Good luck, I would sooner gauge my eyes out than have my inlaws stay for six weeks.

[youshouldcancelthecheque]

and baby proof the house as much as possible, stop with the tracker nonsense.

[Missgraeme]

Maybe an extendable dog lead to wear at all times. Til she is 18??

[coldcanary]

There's no way a tracker will make you feel better, it'll just end up with you sitting there wondering why they had spent so much time in one place, is DD ok? Are they lost? Why have they gone there? Please don't do this, you'll drive yourself into a state.
I think you're just going to have to bite the bullet on this one and let them go. There's no way of not letting them do it without upsetting them and your DH - who is DD's parent as well and is perfectly entitled to want his parents to take them out!
Most sensible adults of any age won't let a child near water unsupervised and will be able to keep a child safe while crossing a road or whatever, they won't have forgotten how to do it!
YABU, it's natural to worry but this isn't worrying, it's assuming that the parents of the man you married are incompetent.

[FabFiveFreddie]

I had some sympathy with you until your last post OP. Your anxiety is extreme, it outstrips any reasonableness. Are you sure this is not a little about you and your worry levels?

Your PILs, and the vast vast majority of parents on this planet, have enough common sense to not allow harm to come to a 11mo infant. Grandparents would apply more than common sense, they will love your DD too. A tracker will do nothing to keep your DD safe. It will only be there to help you deal with your worry.

I think you should try to get your head around this. You can't go through DD's life with this level of worry. It won't be good for her.

[diddl]

Perhaps for the first few days they could just take to & collect from nursery?

After that they might only want to do a couple of full days with her & maybe every afternoon?

Of course they'll want to see her, but they might not want as much full responsibility for her as you think.

[KittyLaRoux]

Oh FFS give it a rest now.

Why do some parents mums think only tbey can care for a baby and everyone else is an idiot

You are causing your own anxiety OP. Time to stop and get a grip of yourself. It will be better for you if you do.

[DragonsEggsAreAllMine]

Pitying the poor reception teacher already

[Xmasbaby11]

Yanbu. My parents are in their seventies and even though they saw dd regularly, they needed building up before they felt confident to take her out on their own.

[Maybebabybee]

My mum has raised four kids without first aid training...

Most of the stuff you've listed is just plain common sense.

And as for this: not letting her crawl on grass where dogs have been - how would you know dogs have been on any patch of grass? They could have been anywhere!!

[NapQueen]

My dd is nearly 5 and I still feel a bit tense when she is out and about without me or dh. She's out will mil today and I'm at work. Dh has been told to message me when she is home (nothing against mil I'd be like that whoever).

[diddl]

When my PFB was tiny, my MIL wasn't even 60 & she didn't have a fucking clue!

Shame really as she was obviously fit enough to get out & about with them.

[NapQueen]

Posted too soon.

I'd probably ask dh to say they can take her out of nursery weeks 3 onwards. I'd want a couple of weeks of them and her building a relationship (baring in mind she's at nursery all day so time is limited).

[HaPPy8]

How have you never met your husbands parents!!!

[HaPPy8]

Other than that I get you and I'd be worried to - however unreasonably .

[Oblomov16]

OP sounds completely neurotic, anxious and unhinged. Tracker? Good god.