Anyone do AmDram? AIBU?

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

More like would it be unreasonable

So i would love to join one of my local Amateur Dramatic Societies and be on stage I think it would be really good for me, i was a competitive dancer from when I was really young but haven't touched a stage in 11 years. I found the competition side of things really traumasing. It turns out I am High Functioning Autistic and that would explain where my difficulties lay.

Any way I literally dream about singing and dancing, etc. I don't have many friends and I'm a SAHM and don't even have any hobbies. I'm getting really low about it to be honest.

Here's the problems:

1. I don't know how I'm going to cope until I try it, i may have to quit or I may get very upset if something goes wrong (not during a performance more like practicing and getting frustrated). WIBU to expect them to be ok with that? Surely it would hinder other people
   
   
2. I also have kids and if my OH is at work when rehearsal is then I likely won't be able to attend, i don't know if that's something they're used to or something that means I can't join.
   
   
3. I find meeting new people very difficult, sometimes I come across as either very scared or annoying/giddy and I know it's important to be a team member so WIBU to expect everyone to give me a bit of space to integrate and understand what's going on?
   
   
4. I have visible tattoos and facial dermal piercings (you can't take them out). So obviously they might think being in character/costume is impossible for me. Although I've thought it through and there's cover-up makeup and I believe I'm good enough with SFX makeup that I could latex over the piercings and blend with my skin.
   
   I've never done it before and think I'm probably asking too much from others. Be brutal, would you say I just can't do it and should find something else? I've tried other hobbies but i was on stage since 2 years old I know it's where I want to be.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

It does depend on the group you join but the vast majority will be very understanding if you are happy to explain about the HFA. You get the odd couple of groups that are very cliquey/uptight/unwelcoming, but they tend to die out and you can spot them within the first couple of rehearsals anyway!

In answer to your questions, from my experience -

1. If you find it's getting too much and need to take a step away, a big step back or quit altogether, it's not going to be a major issue. As long as it's not onstage in the middle of opening night, AmDram groups are pretty good at coping with that sort of thing.
   
   
2. They can get quite strict on rehearsal attendance, but a good group will make allowances for childcare and other commitments (and they'll remember that they're an amateur dramatic group and not putting on a West End production of Les Miserables - some groups take themselves far too seriously and it becomes a miserable experience for all involved, but as above, you can spot these groups a mile off!
   
   I wouldn't worry too much about rehearsal attendance until you're in the thick of it and know whether you have a speaking part, and the intensity of that role. Some groups you can walk into and be a main character straight away (the AmDram group I joined had a sudden dearth of young female singers so I ended up being the Prince or Princess in panto for the following five years ), others will have well-established audition processes, others will have their definite "favourites" (again, these are probably worth avoiding).
   
   Rehearsals are unlikely to start before 7pm for any am dram group, so I wouldn't worry too much about that, and most groups only start getting really intense on attendance a couple of weeks before curtain up.
   
   
3. In my experience, an am-dram group is full of people from all walks of life - the bouncy excitable people who will want to be best friends from the get-go; shy, quiet people; people who love the limelight; people who want to stick in the background. There's no real "type" of person who does Am Dram. If you feel overwhelmed and need your space, just tell them. As long as you're happy to muck in with the work when needed - e.g set design and building, getting stuff in and out of the theatre before and after performances - they'll like you.
   
   
4. Again, it's am-dram rather than a big-budget West End show where realism is key. The group I was in for years had plenty of people with dermal piercings (as did my acting & performance degree, come to think of it, and we coped with putting on Grease and Little Shop of Horrors ), and there was never an issue, I wouldn't worry too much about SFX make-up unless you're asked (but if you tell them you can do SFX make-up that's a great theatre skill they'll probably want to utilise at some point!), and obviously tattoo cover up make up is available, but unless you've got "FUCK PINTER" tattooed across your face, they probably won't mind all that much!
   
   Enjoy! It's addictive and takes you by surprise - when my friend asked me to join a theatre group, I laughed and said "Haha no, acting is for weirdos and losers" (in my defence I was 12). Ten years (six of them spent with the am-dram group) and an acting & performance degree later, I've had to eat my words ;)

[goldenlilliesdaffodillies]

Am Dram Societies attract all sorts of people for all sorts of reasons. You just need to find the right group for you.

If you are honest and up front with the Director in advance (eg can't come until 8pm or make a certain date) then they will find a way of accommodating you if given plenty of notice. All groups I have joined never start rehearsals until 7.30pm (apart from Sundays in the lead up to a show).

Start off small by being in the chorus as a dancer first and go from there- small steps first. Definitely go for it! I have made many life long friends through Am Dram.

[CaoNiMao]

LOL @ "FUCK PINTER"!

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

Ovaries I think you have to be careful saying things like "a good group will make allowances for childcare and other commitments".

Some groups spend absolute fortunes on their shows - theatre hire, orchestras, set hire, professional directors in some cases - and when you're doing that, and having to charge not inconsiderable ticket prices as a result, then certain standards are expected by the audience and productions need to be bloody good. That can only be achieved with good rehearsal attendance.

A small local village hall group that does a panto each year is a very different kettle of fish from one that does a show or two a year in what is otherwise a professional theatre. I have extensive experience in both sorts of groups and many in between and even in the former, a decent level of commitment is required. In the mid-scale (£15-40k budgets) and larger-scale groups (I know some who spend £80-100k) , poor rehearsal attendance will generally lead to people being replaced or unlikely to get a part in a future show.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

Still what I meant by that is that a good group won't see you've got kids and say "No, you're not right for us" - I know of some local groups that have said just that to people.

In my experience the two pantos a year village hall group was stricter on attendance than the semi-pro and pro ones I've been a part of! The first sort would think nothing of kicking you out after two missed rehearsals, the pro one was strict (but we didn't have attendance issues thankfully so maybe they would've been much stricter!) and the semi-pro was surprisingly relaxed on attendance!

I think there's other factors involved too. Someone who turns up to every rehearsal but refuses to help backstage or says that things are "the techie's job", acts like a diva, leaves right after the show before the get-out and generally misses cues, acts up and talks down to people is far less likely to be considered for the next show than the person who helps out, mucks in with tech, is there for the get-in and get-out, treats techies and stage crew with respect, obeys the director and puts in the hard work, but maybe misses a couple of rehearsals due to childcare/illness. That's been true in all of the productions I've been a part of, from village hall panto to professional.

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

I don't disagree with you, and I have also known "lower end" groups be as strict on attendance as the others. But I think it is important for "newbies" to understand what they may be signing themselves up to because it can cause enormous problems for a large group of people if they don't get that rehearsal is not really "optional".

I've known people get half way through the rehearsal period and tell the director that they won't be able to do the Wednesday performance because their mum was coming to stay. And far worse. "You'll need to get someone else to do my role on the Saturday night, because I've got tickets to watch it".

[FoggyBottom]

the person who helps out, mucks in with tech, is there for the get-in and get-out, treats techies and stage crew with respect, obeys the director and puts in the hard work

This is my experience also. And that the best way to get to now a group, and get cast in a show, is to start by working back stage, as I suggested upthread. IME, it's very rare for someone to join and be on stage straight away.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

"You'll need to get someone else to do my role on the Saturday night, because I've got tickets to watch it".

why do these people think that's acceptable? That's crazy!

I totally agree with you.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

Some/most groups won't want a baby potentially interrupting rehearsals and definitely not a toddler . Maybe you should investigate finding a babysitter (no reason why you need two babysitters because the kids have two different Dads unless you mean your OH won't look after the toddler and just the baby ....not sure why it's relevant otherwise)

Totally agree that the groups won't want a baby there, I wouldn't want to take him to be honest. I'm glad the rehearsals are late on because DP comes home at 6:30ish and the kids are both in bed then :)

I don't have any babysitters so no extended family or friends and where I live you dont hire any babysitters like you would in say America or a popular city. What I meant with the two dad's was my 3yo can go to her dad's anytime as he doesn't work but there'd be no-one for DS.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

Thanks Ovaries I'd almost gave up on the idea until your comment :) I'm the kind of person who is shy and a bit odd but has no reservations once on the stage. Definitely willing to help out and put the work in where I can, I think that's why I've been so concerned about missing rehearsals before I've even tried to get in lol

[trafalgargal]

What kind of area do you live in that there are no 6th formers or Childcare students wanting to earn extra money babysitting - yet have a big enough population to support AmDram groups- Does not compute. Just because you haven't found them yet doesn't mean they don't exist.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

trafalgar I think that's a bit mean; I live in an area with plenty of sixth formers and childcare students who'd probably jump at the opportunity to babysit my DD; doesn't mean I'd trust any of them with her.

Just because they may be in the OP's area, doesn't mean she has to leave her children with them.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

People would leave a 5 month old baby with a total stranger from 6th form?!

Apart from the fact that I've also mentioned I have HFA so you can imagine letting strangers into my home isn't something I would be comfortable with I would certainly never ever leave my kids with an unqualified child-minder unless it was someone I was close to.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

trafal Sorry hope my shock doesn't sound offensive but where I live that really really isn't a custom.

[LIZS]

Noone's suggesting you pick a random stranger! It takes time to build trust, so you ask for them to help while you are around and they get to know your children. Dc are likely to be in bed anyway, and it is only to cover between you leaving and oh arriving. Maybe ask a neighbour or at the preschool for suggestions. Sometimes a preschool worker will be happy to have a few extra hours.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

LIZS Like i said where I live people really honestly don't do that. And it would be more than impossible for me anyway I can't let them into my home (including DC's teachers)

[trafalgargal]

I'm intrigued to know where you live. I presume not in the UK as that really isn't true of anywhere. As for not letting anyone into your home that is presumably personal choice .

Seems like unless you can find a group that rehearses late enough you can guarantee your OH will be home this might be a bit of a non starter .

[trafalgargal]

On the other hand if your desire to act is strong enough it might be enough to help you overcome not having anyone in the house (even if it is just one trusted person to start with). We have HFA in my family too , I do get it but it doesn't mean that with the right support you might not be able to modify things so you can in circumstances very much controlled by you.

[trafalgargal]

Plenty of people employ au pairs aged 18 that's the same age as a 6th former. Childcare NvQ is a two year course starting at 16 so by 18 some are working as nannies and in nurseries . I'm shocked you are shocked .

[DramaQueenofHighCs]

You'll be fine if you join most groups as they are lovely and kind and will help you. Doing shows will make you feel great. Most groups will have others who have kids so will be understanding about childcare (and may let you bring children along on occasion) and tattoos can easily be covered with stage makeup. (Though you may have to buy your own camouflage makeup.)

It's a really rewarding hobby - my husband has Aspergers (now called 'high functioning autism) and I have anxiety and depression and we both apparently really come alive on stage.
However - The group we used to be in is not understanding about mental health issues and so I would not recommend that particular group at all!! (But I won't name names on here as it's unfair!)

[SwashbucklingInBrooklyn]

I don't have HFA, but no way would I leave my DS or DD with someone I didn't know if it wasn't an absolute emergency situation!
I do have a lot of amateur and professional theatre experience though, and I think the best advice is to go along and see what fits. There are as many answers to your questions as there are different groups, but most are friendly and encouraging and understanding.
If you auditioned and were cast in a part, you would need to speak to the director before being cast, regarding potential pitfalls in attendance, and then it would be their decision if it was workable or not.

I guess, OP, don't worry about things and go and give it a shot. As a former dancer, I bet you'll be utilised all over the shop! :)

[trafalgargal]

I'd also like to point out that everyone with HFA doesn't refuse entry to all and sundry as the OP is implying. Some would be uncomfortable, some would be uncomfortable except when absolutely nessecery (eg doctor, reception pre start visit by teacher) others it isn't an area of difficulty. HFA is quite broad.

[DramaQueenofHighCs]

Oh and as for it being rare for people to be 'on stage straight away' - all groups I've been in ive been on stage right from the start!! (But then I do musical theatre so I guess with having a chorus it's easier than with plays.)

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

I'd just try a few and see if one clicks. The only issue I'd think might be an issue is reliability, but I don't think that should stop you exploring different groups which could have very different expectations in terms of roles and levels of engagement.

And then if you get really into it you can decide what you want to do about childcare etc.

I wouldn't worry too much about any of this at the moment, you're just trying to get up the confidence to go along to different groups at the moment.

I also wouldn't worry about any of the thread diversions either, they could feel a bit nit picking, but I'm sure they have their own reasons.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

Drama is right re: being onstage from the start. What sort of group are you looking at joining YourNewspaper? Ones that do plays will usually only have a 6 or 7 person cast based on the "average" play, so they'll get you involved in some backstage work to ease you in more likely than not. Musicals and pantos... be prepared to be onstage learning dance routines in no time! (Although helping with tech is still vital to be a contributing member of these sorts of groups too) and there's certainly nothing to say you couldn't be cast in a main role, it's all about your comfort zone and the dynamics of the group!