Anyone do AmDram? AIBU?

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

More like would it be unreasonable

So i would love to join one of my local Amateur Dramatic Societies and be on stage I think it would be really good for me, i was a competitive dancer from when I was really young but haven't touched a stage in 11 years. I found the competition side of things really traumasing. It turns out I am High Functioning Autistic and that would explain where my difficulties lay.

Any way I literally dream about singing and dancing, etc. I don't have many friends and I'm a SAHM and don't even have any hobbies. I'm getting really low about it to be honest.

Here's the problems:

1. I don't know how I'm going to cope until I try it, i may have to quit or I may get very upset if something goes wrong (not during a performance more like practicing and getting frustrated). WIBU to expect them to be ok with that? Surely it would hinder other people
   
   
2. I also have kids and if my OH is at work when rehearsal is then I likely won't be able to attend, i don't know if that's something they're used to or something that means I can't join.
   
   
3. I find meeting new people very difficult, sometimes I come across as either very scared or annoying/giddy and I know it's important to be a team member so WIBU to expect everyone to give me a bit of space to integrate and understand what's going on?
   
   
4. I have visible tattoos and facial dermal piercings (you can't take them out). So obviously they might think being in character/costume is impossible for me. Although I've thought it through and there's cover-up makeup and I believe I'm good enough with SFX makeup that I could latex over the piercings and blend with my skin.
   
   I've never done it before and think I'm probably asking too much from others. Be brutal, would you say I just can't do it and should find something else? I've tried other hobbies but i was on stage since 2 years old I know it's where I want to be.

[CarlGrimesMissingEye]

summer you have a PM

[Lovecat]

I joined our local group when DD was 2 - rehearsals didn't start til 7.30 so it gave me ample time to get her settled for bed before going out leaving her with DH - but I'm fortunate that he's a homebody and his idea of heaven is an evening with the remote to himself :o

Each group is different and you may have to try a few before you find one that clicks with you - if they have websites it's a good idea to search these and see how they 'feel' to you. We have 2 diagnosed HFA members (and several people we suspect may be undiagnosed) and they get on well with everyone - we also have dyslexic and deaf members and we do everything we can to make auditioning and performing as easy and unstressful as we can - that said, if you don't have the talent, you won't get cast. But if you audition well, there's no bar to you walking into a main part (my first show I had a major role and I was the lead in the second - but I've also been back row of the panto chorus with no lines at all and I enjoy it just as much!).

With my director's hat on, I'd echo everyone else and say that unreliability with rehearsals is a bugbear, but what I used to do was take DD to the hall and get DH to pick her up on his way home from work on the odd occasion he was running late. As long as you keep the lines of communication open and be upfront about things, most people will be accommodating (in my experience, anyway). Also most groups will bite your arm off if you offer to do backstage/props/techie stuff.

Go for it and have fun! :o

[trafalgargal]

I was actually as literal as you were- but I'm sorry if that made you feel bad. That wasn't my intention - but I'm experienced enough with HFA issues(as well as AmDram) to know that success in stepping out of your comfort zone aware of what challenges you might face is prewarned is prearmed . However clearly all you want to hear is assurances that everything will be easy and rosy and everyone will be able and willing to accommodate you. I hope you are right....as you say you live in a very different world to me one where everyone has a nanny and no-one uses babysitters so perhaps everyone is completely accepting and understanding of HFA too. If that's true you are indeed blessed. Break a leg !

[iklboo]

And ours was a very inclusive group - people with all abilities, including autism. Maybe go and see some shows put on by groups in your area & see which one 'grabs' you - speak to the cast / director afterwards (they usually descend on the bar after they've git changed).

[iklboo]

I met DH at amdram

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

Trafalgar i know it's your right to comment but can you please maybe leave me alone I never once said all HFA can't let people in I said that I can't I was just repeating what I've already said. Wanting to know exactly where I live (which is really not a well populated area I would be identified immediately by someone in a 30mile radius) isn't something I'm comfortable with. If you've never came across anywhere like that in the UK then you've likely never visited. If you chose not to believe me about babysitters then that's fine but where I live is very rural we just don't have people round here who do the kind of thing you're suggesting. We have nanny's and stuff (rarely) but I'm not comfortable with that and I shouldn't have to say so more than once. You said yourself everyone on the broad spectrum is different and in my case that's not an adjustment that can be made. I'm not bloody lying about it I don't imply anything and clearly you don't understand Autism if you haven't clicked on that I'm extremely literal and that commenting nit-picking at me wouldn't cause distress because it does. I can cope with most MN stuff and anyone who says I'm not right for AmDram I can accept based on facts but there's no need to derail in the manner you are doing.

[sianais]

I'm an amdram member with a little one (13m). I was in a show pregnant, then missed 2 weeks of rehearsal for the next to give birth! But then when my little one was around 5-6 months it got more difficult to attend rehearsals as DD wouldn't settle if I took her and finding a sitter was hard so I share your pain. It was frustrating for the directors at times but I was upfront about it and managed to do OK at my small part- I have the lead and title role in our next show so it obviously didn't bother them too much!
We've also had autistic cast members and IME, musical theatre groups are some of the friendliest people and many are there as a form of therapy/confidence booster themselves, so you'll be far from alone. (our rehearsals start at 7:30 too if that helps!)
I guess what I'm trying to say is, as long as you're upfront about everything with the directors/comittee and inform them of any impossible dates before casting and rehearsals, many groups will be able to work with you- after all, amdram is at its heart an inclusive hobby. If you want to do it, go for it!

P.S in our group you audition to be a performing member- if you pass this audition then you're always welcome in chorus and can audition for parts as long as subs are paid. So unlikely you'll get shunted for stage crew if your area does it this way.

[Ionacat]

My babysitters have come through my friends in the amdram group I belong to, from teenage daughters/sons to members/wives. You get to know each other so quickly through rehearsals that I had no problem trusting them. I'm completely hooked now and have been a member for nearly 10 years. My group is very friendly and everyone helps each other out.

[gillybeanz]

Just go for it, if it isn't for you then nothing lost.
I used to be in Operatic society (same thing) really, from being a child to leaving home and loved it.

The point I will make is there may be a problem with missing rehearsals, because it is a social as well and the MD/ Choreographer will at times be fighting a losing battle to get the night's plan rehearsed, absences will be noticeable. But if it isn't too often, they might be fine with it.

Could you not have a sitter, they tend to be only a couple of hours plus your travel times.

[SummerRosie321]

CarlGrimes can you pm me ad well as I have a friend who is very interested in doing.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

Drama is right re: being onstage from the start. What sort of group are you looking at joining YourNewspaper? Ones that do plays will usually only have a 6 or 7 person cast based on the "average" play, so they'll get you involved in some backstage work to ease you in more likely than not. Musicals and pantos... be prepared to be onstage learning dance routines in no time! (Although helping with tech is still vital to be a contributing member of these sorts of groups too) and there's certainly nothing to say you couldn't be cast in a main role, it's all about your comfort zone and the dynamics of the group!

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

I'd just try a few and see if one clicks. The only issue I'd think might be an issue is reliability, but I don't think that should stop you exploring different groups which could have very different expectations in terms of roles and levels of engagement.

And then if you get really into it you can decide what you want to do about childcare etc.

I wouldn't worry too much about any of this at the moment, you're just trying to get up the confidence to go along to different groups at the moment.

I also wouldn't worry about any of the thread diversions either, they could feel a bit nit picking, but I'm sure they have their own reasons.

[DramaQueenofHighCs]

Oh and as for it being rare for people to be 'on stage straight away' - all groups I've been in ive been on stage right from the start!! (But then I do musical theatre so I guess with having a chorus it's easier than with plays.)

[trafalgargal]

I'd also like to point out that everyone with HFA doesn't refuse entry to all and sundry as the OP is implying. Some would be uncomfortable, some would be uncomfortable except when absolutely nessecery (eg doctor, reception pre start visit by teacher) others it isn't an area of difficulty. HFA is quite broad.

[SwashbucklingInBrooklyn]

I don't have HFA, but no way would I leave my DS or DD with someone I didn't know if it wasn't an absolute emergency situation!
I do have a lot of amateur and professional theatre experience though, and I think the best advice is to go along and see what fits. There are as many answers to your questions as there are different groups, but most are friendly and encouraging and understanding.
If you auditioned and were cast in a part, you would need to speak to the director before being cast, regarding potential pitfalls in attendance, and then it would be their decision if it was workable or not.

I guess, OP, don't worry about things and go and give it a shot. As a former dancer, I bet you'll be utilised all over the shop! :)

[DramaQueenofHighCs]

You'll be fine if you join most groups as they are lovely and kind and will help you. Doing shows will make you feel great. Most groups will have others who have kids so will be understanding about childcare (and may let you bring children along on occasion) and tattoos can easily be covered with stage makeup. (Though you may have to buy your own camouflage makeup.)

It's a really rewarding hobby - my husband has Aspergers (now called 'high functioning autism) and I have anxiety and depression and we both apparently really come alive on stage.
However - The group we used to be in is not understanding about mental health issues and so I would not recommend that particular group at all!! (But I won't name names on here as it's unfair!)

[trafalgargal]

Plenty of people employ au pairs aged 18 that's the same age as a 6th former. Childcare NvQ is a two year course starting at 16 so by 18 some are working as nannies and in nurseries . I'm shocked you are shocked .

[trafalgargal]

On the other hand if your desire to act is strong enough it might be enough to help you overcome not having anyone in the house (even if it is just one trusted person to start with). We have HFA in my family too , I do get it but it doesn't mean that with the right support you might not be able to modify things so you can in circumstances very much controlled by you.

[trafalgargal]

I'm intrigued to know where you live. I presume not in the UK as that really isn't true of anywhere. As for not letting anyone into your home that is presumably personal choice .

Seems like unless you can find a group that rehearses late enough you can guarantee your OH will be home this might be a bit of a non starter .

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

LIZS Like i said where I live people really honestly don't do that. And it would be more than impossible for me anyway I can't let them into my home (including DC's teachers)

[LIZS]

Noone's suggesting you pick a random stranger! It takes time to build trust, so you ask for them to help while you are around and they get to know your children. Dc are likely to be in bed anyway, and it is only to cover between you leaving and oh arriving. Maybe ask a neighbour or at the preschool for suggestions. Sometimes a preschool worker will be happy to have a few extra hours.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

trafal Sorry hope my shock doesn't sound offensive but where I live that really really isn't a custom.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

People would leave a 5 month old baby with a total stranger from 6th form?!

Apart from the fact that I've also mentioned I have HFA so you can imagine letting strangers into my home isn't something I would be comfortable with I would certainly never ever leave my kids with an unqualified child-minder unless it was someone I was close to.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

trafalgar I think that's a bit mean; I live in an area with plenty of sixth formers and childcare students who'd probably jump at the opportunity to babysit my DD; doesn't mean I'd trust any of them with her.

Just because they may be in the OP's area, doesn't mean she has to leave her children with them.