To not do it when asked

[hazell42]

I have always hated housework. I'm not the hoarder next door, or anything, but I do enjoy a bit of clutter. Sterile minimalism makes me itch.
I have had 2 husbands who could not understand my indifference towards 'home-making'. 'Surely, you want a tidy house,' they would say, as they naively tried to train me to the standards they expected.
I don't have a husband any more.
The more they tried to persuade/force me to be a housewife, the less I wanted to do it. In fact, without their constant nagging, I would have done much more than I did.
Now, six years after my last divorce, I thought that things were good. I clean when I want, I do a bit and leave a fair bit more. House is more or less clean most of the time, but fairly cluttered quite often. I think it has a homely, lived in feel (honestly, not at all horrorshow tv programme standard)
This morning my son (16 and moody) said, 'Surely you want it to be tidy?'
Arggh!
He has decided that I am not up to scratch and other (non-working, domestic godess type) mothers manage to have the house pristine at all times.
Am tempted to take the same tack as I did with husbands, though, obviously, without showing him the door, which was to stubbornly refuse to lift a finger anytime they mentioned the 'state' of the house, and instead point them in the direction of the hoover.
What do you think?

[NerrSnerr]

As a teenager I was embarrassed about the state of my house and could never have friends round. It was genuinely distressing. Could this be the case with your son?

[BasinHaircut]

I used to be spotless.

Then I moved in with now DH and I had to relax my standards otherwise we would both have been miserable.

Then I had a child. Now we have no standards!

I jest a little bit, I'd say my house is 'clean enough' but by no means anything to be proud of. I just don't care anymore. No one has died because of it and if visitors want to judge me on the state of the place they are free to leave and not return!

[Shizzlestix]

I can't stand clutter but the house is often quite dirty due to multiple animals/outdoor lifestyle. It's very minimalist, especially since I recently removed the coffee table from the lounge!

Each to his own, tell your DS to do chores, I fear I'd be doing nothing: if he is able to express his dislike, he is clearly also capable of wielding a Hoover. :)

[hazell42]

Well, spent an hour cleaning up this afternoon, just in case I was causing the little bugger some kind of mental trauma with my sloveliness. He came in half an hour ago with Burger King (wrappers now strewn across my coffee table). He has gone to bed.
Didn't even bloody notice!

[reader77]

Like a Pp, a messy house makes me tense and uncomfortable and it's difficult to keep a cluttered house properly clean.

I think it's up to you the level of mess/ cleanliness you choose to live with. But be mindful that the people you live with might have different standards. My parents had very low standards and I was embarrassed to bring people home. It made me feel they didn't care about me enough to have pride in our home or consider how I felt about my home environment. Chaos=insecurity for me.
I never really understood their low standards; why would you choose to sit in your own mess? Anymore than you would choose to go for days wearing the same clothes or not showering? But that's me personally.

[BadLad]

You're not his house elf



Next time he gives you anything to put in the wash, say "Sir has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free," before handing him the hoover.

[EttaJ]

For a 16 year old boy to notice it must be bad. They're not usually fussed by mess and have no interest in keeping their own rooms cleans and tidy. Maybe it's actually worse than you think. Three other people think your housekeeping is worse than just a bit of clutter and really bad. Maybe it is.

[MLGs]

You need to get your son, and other children , to help with housework. It's good for them to get some practice in before they leave home.

I think we need to take your word that it's not too bad as with any mn thread, as that's all we have.

There's a possibility that your son has heard his dad/step dad mentioning this and knows it's how to get at you.

[MLGs]

Make sure you pick him up on the Bk wrappers in the morning. That is jusy not acceptable!

I would pick him up on any mess he makes for the foreseeable future and try to get him trained up.

[MLGs]

Pps I don't really like housework and struggle to motivate self to do any.

When I was growing up my Dad never did any housework. I think I picked up on this and thought "it's possible to go through life not having to do any housework. I'll have some of that". I still find it hard to shake that tbh. I work quite long hours like he did and I think to myself"why should I do any more" rather than "well this had to be done"

Also we weren't really given chores to do as teenagers. My mum just did it all (and had cleaners from time to time).

From this, I think a house where everyone pitches in is probably the key to bringing up the children to take care of their own shit.

I will try to implement my advice with my own kids!

[JinnyGreenTeeth]

For a 16 year old boy to notice it must be bad. They're not usually fussed by mess and have no interest in keeping their own rooms cleans and tidy. Maybe it's actually worse than you think. Three other people think your housekeeping is worse than just a bit of clutter and really bad. Maybe it is

Or, alternatively, there's the consideration of who exactly the three people are - can it be coincidence that two of them are nagging men the OP is no longer married to who both seemed incredibly invested in her being a 'housewife', and one is (a) a teenage boy who is the son of one of these delightful characters whose father's sexism may have rubbed off and (b) who apparently doesn't notice that his greasy fast food wrappers are contributing to a mess he seems to think is his mother's responsibility?

Hmm....

My parents had very low standards and I was embarrassed to bring people home. It made me feel they didn't care about me enough to have pride in our home or consider how I felt about my home environment.

And did you have some serious physical disability that prevented you from tidying the house that embarrassed you so much?

[reader77]

I'm not sure what you mean: I was a child and they were the adults.