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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder why some parents feel the need to...

138 replies

AnnaToboggan · 20/06/2016 23:10

Post the contents of their childs school report on FB?

It seems such an odd thing to do. I understand that they are proud of their achievements, but I just don't get why they do it.

School reports out today and we have photos of exam results, transcripts, snippets and full sections copied out.

Is anyone else as baffled as I am?

OP posts:

reallybadidea · 21/06/2016 13:00

Pictish, it's really not a joke with this particular friend but reflects the way she speaks to her children generally, with irritation and annoyance. Sad thing is that I know she does love them but she is intensely ambitious for them and is disappointed when they don't meet up to her expectations. The children are fairly messed up, unsurprisingly

JeffreyNeedsAHobby · 21/06/2016 13:01

I feel a bit weird about this. I had a playdate recently with a very pushy mum who frankly boasted at me about her child whilst saying all talent needs "nuturing" (read pushing).
I also post on FB about DC, hopefully not in a sickly vom way but I do say if they have done something funny which seems to be taken in good humour. Also if we have a lovely day out I will post pics.
However what is bothering me is that due to the dad not being in the picture I have a situation where I feel I have to keep him 'updated' on things by making the pics public. I only do about 2 or 3 a year for him to see and never with any names or identifying marks - but it sits uneasily with me. I do feel I am jeapordising DC security by doing it and that he should effing well be in contact off his own back if he wants info - however this has proven too hard for him (apparently due to new wife - blame blame blame, as if he has no free will!).
Anyway, bit of a ramble, but thought i'd offer a rather odd reason some people make posts public. It's not always a matter of not knowing the dangers, sadly.
Having written all that I feel compelled to make all of the posts private again....

BitterHag · 21/06/2016 13:08

Ultimate best bragging post I ever saw was a mum saying well done to her son

"Well done to our Tyler for passing his eye test. Mum is so proud of you!!"

...hilarious!!

6o6o842 · 21/06/2016 13:21

Yep, drives me nuts. It's up there with parents posting about the amazing, educational family excursions they are going on where they all learn loads and build incredible bonds.
Everyday.
While we went grocery shopping or spent the day watching movies.

PlatoTheGreat · 21/06/2016 13:27

to those who say there children won't see messages to them. Yes they will if their parents show them

Or if they look on their parents history on FB in 5 or 10 years time.
or if a family member/friend mentions it etc...

Whatever is on the net is fully public and can be access years later by people you might not.

PlatoTheGreat · 21/06/2016 13:30

I have an issue with oversharing on FB. I find some of those posts just... boring? PA?inflated ego? whatever.

But I do thik it's a shame that children who ARE doing really well should be told to keep quiet and their parents aren't supposed to make a fuss out of it.
So little Johnny who is average can get plenty of 'Oh look how great you are' but little Adam who is a proper 'nerd' as dc1 would say isn't allowed more than a 'well, yes, he is doing well but ...'
Feels very unbalanced to me (and will be rembered by the child and might well have some later consequences, like for any other child who isn't praised)

SparklestheUnicorn · 21/06/2016 13:36

I like to post really sarcastic stuff, such as "Happy Father's Day to Mr Sparkles. Thank you for taking the rubbish out occasionally, and patting your children affectionately on the head as you walk past. Well done."

I got two texts for that one, asking if everything was okay at home.

Floggingmolly · 21/06/2016 13:40

Like any other child who isn't praised, Plato?? Why are you assuming that because something isn't publically proclaimed to the nation it didn't happen?

Not being feted on Facebook is not a measure of your family's pride (or lack if it) in your achievements

sharknad0 · 21/06/2016 13:55

While we went grocery shopping or spent the day watching movies.

are you trying to make people feel bad because they are not lazy parents?

NewLife4Me · 21/06/2016 13:59

I daren't put my dd report online
It's full of those nice descriptions that you know mean something not very good.
Not damning but certainly nothing to brag about.
I'm not sure though, if I'd have had any children who were top of the class, well behaved and perfect, I might have done.

alltouchedout · 21/06/2016 14:04

Oh god I hope ours aren't out today. I am not in the right frame of mind to deal with one dc having a 'fantastic, brilliant, exceeded all targets and behaved like an angel' report and the other a 'struggled, did not achieve as expected, has been repeatedly in trouble, really needs to focus next year' report.

Witchend · 21/06/2016 14:09

NewLife my experience is exactly the opposite. I don't have many fb friends who repeat reports/parents' evening comments, but those who do have children who academically are what might be described as "plodders": they'll do okay, but never brilliantly, or whom you read the comment they've repeated and you know that what is actually written has a double meaning and what actually was meant was something not so good.
Those on my newsfeed who have high fliers never put anything of the sort up.

Sparkles I love it.

CauliflowerBalti · 21/06/2016 14:11

I have a view that if people aren't interested in what I am sharing, they don't have to read it. If I really annoy them, then we're not really friends now, are we?

There are always choices.

I post about my son a lot because I live miles and miles away from all my family and they'd never see him otherwise. And also because I am in awe of his awesomeness and every single thing he does and utters is absolutely fucking amazing. If you don't think so - that's cool. He's not yours. Defriend me.

I'm not thick. I'm not a narcissist. I just use Facebook as a way of keeping in touch with people. I scroll my way through your Strava updates and restaurant check-ins. Y'all can indulge me or fuck off.

There are always choices, you see?

Buttock · 21/06/2016 14:17

Is it ok to post pics of school competitions our children have won? because I do this and family are usually quite happy! Maybe there's some grumpy friends who secretly groan at me...

I would never post about school reports though, because my dd doesn't give a crap about her reports! She does however care and is genuinely happy when she wins something so I like sharing her happiness with close friends and family.

Egosumgism · 21/06/2016 14:23

I can't believe this is actually a thing. People post their children's school reports?

Maryann1975 · 21/06/2016 14:25

One of the parents in ds class is quite an over sharer (there a a few of them in the class tbh) and go on about how well little Freddie has done and how proud they are of him, they love him so much, he is so clever etc. Last year she posted pictures of his whole school report and was going on about good it was and how good all the grades were. I had to comment as it pretty much read word for word the same as my ds report. The only difference was ds grades for attitude and behaviour were better. They sit on the same table and work at the same standard, so academically, I guess not much between them, but it showed how unpersonal reports are and really the fact the teacher can pull out a dozen prewritten lines about your child does not make the child a genius. It just means they are following the curriculum and doing what they should be in lessons.

GrumpyMcGrumpFace · 21/06/2016 14:26

I like hearing about the successes of my friends, and of my friends' children. This might range from "straight A*s in their GCSEs" to "did a poo in the potty this morning".

But my FB friends really are my friends, so equally if I met them in the street they'd be telling me the same things... and for those who now live in a different country/continent to me, it's nice to replicate the feeling that they're just down the road still.

If it were someone i only slightly knew, I wouldn't give a toss. But they wouldn't be my friend on FB, either!

LettyJane · 21/06/2016 14:34

Once they are about 13 then it can be against the law to do this as their personal data is their own and they can decide if it is distributed or not so do be careful. I don't post on facebook anyway.
Better to do your children down to other parents - the English way of self deprecation is one of our nicer characteristics and long may that remain.

LemonySmithit · 21/06/2016 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FarAwayHills · 21/06/2016 15:07

My issue is that people share and stealth boast on FB in a way they wouldn't do in real life. I've yet to have a proud mummy run up to me in the playground with a copy of her child's report exclaiming what a genius the DC is. In conversations with other mums they rarely brag about their amazing life or share every squeak and bowl movement their precious snowflake has made. People I know in know in real life never have gushing conversations about their wonderful DH is, quite the opposite actually. So why share this stuff on FB?

Toxicity · 21/06/2016 15:07

I can't stand the showboating that goes on on FB, people could easily set up a distribution group and email family with their childrens' achievements. The whole thing is a form of showing off.

Sallystyle · 21/06/2016 15:15

AIBU to wonder why so many people have Fb when they spend so much time moaning that others don't Fb in a way that pleases them?

And no I don't post reports.

Stargirl82 · 21/06/2016 15:17

Patterkillier
For the most part they aren't, some things are generic, there's only so many ways to say '...she understands how to use capital letters correctly...'

But where I work we try our damn hardest to ensure that they completely represent the child in question and their abilities.

hmcAsWas · 21/06/2016 15:21

One of the many reasons why I deleted my facebook account.

Goldenhandshake · 21/06/2016 15:30

I know someone who does this, which I dont think is too bad, and so much more. Posts everything about the DC, when they are ill, had a tantrum, what they ate for dinner, birthday/xmas gifts photos piled up unopened then lined up/laid out on the table after they've been opened. The worst was when the DC caught thread worms and that was posted up....a couple of days after they had hosted a kids party. There are NO boundaries as to what is private and what is not.

It both appalls and fascinated me.

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