To sometimes wonder how people afford their lifestyles?

[Babysafari]

Most people that I know appear to have really nice lifestyles. New cars, really nice houses all done out immaculate and on nice roads. Holidays abroad several times a year to nice places too. I've also noticed that most of the parents at school pick their dc up themselves (I'm on maternity leave). There are loads of dads at the school gates too and a lot of mums and dads do the school runs together. A lot of these people are really young too.

One of the dads is a road sweeper so won't be being paid loads and his wife doesn't work, yet they are always doing the school run together but they seem to have the above lifestyle.

Me and dh have a decent household income, hardly rich but 50k, we're not struggling at all but our cars are old, we can only afford cheap holidays, dh works really long hours and is never there for school runs.

I'm not being deliberately envious, logically I know they could have family help or anything I guess people just make it look so easy, I wonder how they do it.

[barabasiAlbert]

Also - I buy basically everything secondhand. Clothes, furniture, buy secondhand computers for home from the university teaching labs, use open-source software. We have a credit card, but we use it like a debit card - have never been in debt.

Sister always used the credit card as a credit card - and has a crippling mortgage. She must've spent hundreds of thousands on interest payments in the last 25 years. I am not gloating - I think that is an awful position to be in - particularly as once you're locked into that kind of thing it's almost impossible to get away from it.

[Kennington]

Friend works in a bank: 90% of people are in debt, she says.
I am not but then I don't look flash either.

[witsender]

I do get people asking us...as DH only works out of the house 2 days a week and I do a 'job for love' for next to no money 3 mornings a week for a charity close to my heart. We share home educating the 2 kids, are always on days out and live in a lovely (small) home with a big garden in a lovely area.

But, DH took a leap of faith dropping to 2 days a week so he could set up on his own so we could have this lifestyle, which means he works every evening and most weekends to allow him a couple of days 'off' during the week to be with the kids. We only go on camping holidays having bought a cheap caravan a few years ago, we go to Cornwall for a few wks which doesn't cost much as we go term time, book the quietest camp sites months in advance etc. We have days out every week but I budget for passes for key places every year and we go there. Take food and drink with is everywhere, only budget for an ice cream. Keep an eye on local Groupon style site to buy tickets or vouchers for meals out. Every now and then we do something pricier like a trip up the Spinnaker Tower and lunch out yesterday, but again I prebooked the tower tickets in advance for 15% off etc.

Dh working the hours he does means we have flexibility, but also means he has no real sick or holiday pay, and has to budget for the quiet times. So he is only paying himself minimum wage at the moment, which would surprise people given standard consultancy rates for what he does.

[frumpet]

I know a couple of people who have very nice lifestyles because they moved North after living in the Southeast pre-children , husband still works , quite high up in company so decent wage , but they have a teeny mortgage on the four bed detached they bought from the sale of their little two bed flat !

I know other people who use credit to fund their lifestyles and that's up to them , some are better at it than others , making sure they are never paying interest by moving cards around , some must be paying whacking interest payments and hardly paying off the debt .

Another person I know goes on holiday a lot on a very average family income , but they are like some other posters here and are really good at searching for bargains when it comes to travel , so will get a holiday worth 2k for a quarter of the price . I know a few people who don't have children who will turn up at the travel agents a week before their holiday starts and ask what they can get for a limited budget in a weeks time and have had some absolutely stonking bargains !

[Summerdays11]

We are prob seen like this - thing is my husband does a seemingly manual job but he came out with 37k with over time .
He works shifts so often at school pick up .
I'm in a seemingly low ish paid job but actually I'm well paid .
We look for good deals on holidays abroad . We have No childcare

[SemiNormal]

It could be good budgeting and cutting out a lot of uneeded expense.
As an example I know I could save a lot of money if I cut out takeaways, drop my Netflix account, get cheaper mobile contract, be more savvy about reducing energy bills, use coupons and only buy budget foods (ie no named brands) - there are loads of tips/tricks to saving money, lots of us don't bother, perhaps they are just being more careful and therefore able to use the money on something they really want rather and going without at other times.

[Summerdays11]

And Iv had some mums actually ask how we afford it .
Some relatives persume we are poor , prob because I meal plan and am quite careful.
We prioritise holidays .
I guess it works both ways I'm shocked that gps are saying they have no money !

[DinosaursRoar]

Housing costs - we couldn't afford to buy our house now, so someone new moving into the area might question how a family with a SAHM and dh's job can afford it - it's just it was in our price range when we bought. If we'd bought 5 years earlier, we could have one of the 4 bed detached ones that are going for over £1m in our town.

Someone who bought earlier and perhaps delayed having dcs (so while their dcs are your dcs age, the parents are 5/10 years older than you) could have spent a lot less on the same house. Having a mortgage that's £200/300 less a month gives a much bigger lifestyle.

[kath6144]

My DC recently inherited from a bachelor cousin of mine who died in his 60s - the whole family was stunned that he had £1.3mill in the bank. He didnt have a professional job, but he lived at home all his life, his dad was quite senior in Civil service and prob quite well paid for his generation, and it is thought his mum may have inherited from her sister, no one is quite sure. Plus his parents were pre-war generation, brought up quite poor and therefore careful with money. To put the 1.3mil into context, his family home in Yorkshire sold for just over £150K!

That money has now gone to my DC generation - split between 9 who got just under 100k each. It has changed lives - my cousin's 2 daughters, 1 single, 1 divorced, have been able to buy alone for first time at 37 & 40.

My DC, 16 & 18, now have over 100k (we have saved money for them too) invested - they will be well ahead of peers when they are settling down and buying property. Yet hardly anyone outside of the family know about the inheritence, the DC have been brought up not to talk about such matters, so I can imagine there will be surprise amongst friends when they can afford property earlier than others.

Incidently, the 40yr old divorcee mentioned earlier has had some comments from her ex about how she can buy a house alone! Even though the inheritance came to her after she was divorced, she has had to be careful about what she has said. I think she has implied that her parents helped both her and her sister, which is feasible as they have both had inheritances themselves. But really, it is none of his business!!!

[Handsoffmysweets]

Kennington I think your friend may have been exaggerating. 90% of banking customers cannot be in debt when you think that the customer savings are needed to balance the books in terms of lending for mortgages, unsecured borrowing etc.

I really do hate this sneering at people who have nice things and the dismissive attitude that it 'must be debt'. There are other ways to acquire nice things that don't involve inheritance, credit or lottery wins. It's just easier for some people to be snidey in order to make themselves feel better.

[Merd]

A lot of it is luck, whether people like to think of that way or not. When people get overly defensive I'm a bit . Like it or not, so much of our lives are dependent on chaotic chance, including...

• luck of having the physical and mental health which has let you "work hard"

• luck of living in a good economy to let you have a job

• luck of living in the right time where you could buy houses on the cheap. Luck of housing otherwise; not needing to pour money into mortgages, repairs, or measures against difficult neighbours

• luck of having a partner, or having kind and wealthy families who can help subsidise things (whether that's childcare or housing or whatever)

• luck of having kids at a time of life when you can afford them

• luck of going to a good school, growing up in a supportive neighbourhood, being innately intelligent, all of which help plan ahead or take up educational opportunities like university

• luck of time to "bargain hunt" or cook home meals from scratch.

• luck of living near shops and charity shops that are cheaper than mainstream ones.

• luck of having transport options

• that basic underlying luck beneath it all of being loved fundamentally as a child and being an emotionally healthy person who can establish relationships, be confident, and live well and happily no matter how much money is around.

To shrug it all off as "hard work" is desperately unfair. Yes - some of it comes down to work and personal decisions, but those are based on circumstances outside our control usually.

Any of the above factors fall down and you can be on the streets or in debt or dire straits sooner than you'd think.

[Handsoffmysweets]

I'm not sure if the 'hard work' comment was aimed at me merd but I did acknowledge in a previous post that luck also came into it.

[suit2845321oie]

People assume we are much poorer than we are as we aren't flashing around our cash and are cautious. Our lifestyle really doesn't reflect our income partly because I'm naturally cautious and hate being ripped off and partly because I'm petrified that it will all end tomorrow. I know that one day my brother and I will inherit as my parents are very quietly well off with a large house and multiple investment properties but I've no idea how much and until that happens we will continue ensure that everything we do is below our means.

We don't even talk about our jobs. Mine is v senior but people think it's just a p/t pocket money job as its up the road and I can do most school runs and DH works as a CTO in a highly regarded company and is frequently headhunted by former colleagues yet most of our friends think he's on the IT help desk judging by their requests for him to look at their computers.

[BonerSibary]

Debt. Like a pp, I've also had cause to look through people's finances very closely, and it's astonishing how widespread it is. This isn't being snide, it's just a fact. And it isn't even a problem for some people. It used to be exceptionally easy to access credit and still isn't hard for many, and if you can keep paying the minimum payments, which are often pretty low, nobody will bother you unless and until the wheels fall off.

Inheritances. Hidden sources of income: are you just assuming the people who drop the kids off then go home aren't earning while they're there? Plenty of people have jobs they don't care to discuss.

Top up benefits. I have no wish to turn this into a benefit bashing thread, and nor do I think they fund a luxury lifestyle or are something to envy. But it is undeniably true that someone on a very low income may, if they have several children, get top ups leaving them with the household income of someone on a professional wage. So it can't be assumed that someone on a NMW part time job has a low household income.

And last of all, we've seen an absolute sea change in housing costs over the past 15-20 years. Lots of still relatively young adults managed to buy before costs went crazy. Some people bought a dump of a flat in a crap area of London in the mid 90s just after they left uni, couldn't sell it when they wanted to a couple of years later so had to rent it out for a bit, then watched it turn into a goldmine. Little things like that are life changing. Some people's parents have released equity to help them. Very ordinary people living in very ordinary areas have suddenly found themselves paper millionaires. Some of them have, wisely or otherwise, cashed in.

[Handsoffmysweets]

Do you truly believe that all of those things are down to luck Merd? If that was the case then our entire lives would revolve around luck. Luck doesn't mean you can pass exams/get a degree etc. I have a few friends from the council estate where I grew up who are now teachers, lawyers and GPs. We had nothing growing up and yet they still have well paid jobs now. That doesn't come down to luck. That comes down to sheer hard work, grit and determination. The same as I also know people who have been given plenty of opportunities and then pissed them up against the wall.

To say that the majority of life is luck undermines those who have gone out and worked hard to have what they have - whether that's a 3 bed semi or a mansion.

[DinosaursRoar]

Also, people who don't brag about just how senior they are at work. My mum still refers to my db's partner as a nurse, he's actually the director of a department in a private hospital (that pays considerably more than the same role in the NHS). If you just heard "nurse" you might expect him to be earning about a third of what he actually is.

[emilybrontescorset]

I know a woman who's dad bought her a brand new luxury house.

I'm also guessing he bought the £40,000 car she drives.

She holidays abroard several times a year, always to far flung places as she doesn't do ' tacky holidays'.
She has a cleaner, a Gardner , someone yo decorate, eyelashes done, nails done, lots of new clothes.

I think her dad pays for a lot of it.

She is in her early 20s.


She also owns several properties.

[Purplehonesty]

Things are never what they seem...

Either dh or I are usually there for the school run, sometimes both of us.

We have a big beautiful house, drive two nice (not flash) cars etc.

We are totally skint. Dh works shifts, I work self employed school hours. Our mortgage is huge and we hardly have any spare cash but what we do have goes on doing nice things for/with the DC. We maxed out buying and doing up our home so we'd have somewhere lovely to live and it's a good investment.

From the outside we probably look really successful and flush but it's far from that.

School mum I know drives a lovely sports car, really nice probably 50k worth. But she lives in a council house on a rough estate.

[emilybrontescorset]

Lots of people are in debt.

I know several women who's dh have gotten them into serious debt.

[kath6144]

A friend of mine once made a comment 'why even think about other peoples finances, its their money or debt, so why should anyone else be interested' - So very true.

I have a friend who I see in a group 2-3 times a year. Lovely person, her & Dh good professional jobs, I would think in a comfortable financial position like us, as she careful with money, but I dont specifically know or care.

However, she did see fit to make some very nasty comments to me when she found out that we had bought DS a small car after he passed his test last year. It was a no brainer for us - he had recently started a PT weekend job in our local city, 10 miles away, and needed transporting most of time as public transport was inconvenient. At same time, my mum had become ill and housebound and needed help, 2hrs away. By getting him a car (which we could afford and he didn't expect, was v grateful), it freed up both DH and I to go and support her together at weekends.

Yet my friend thought it was her business to tell me that we shouldn't have bought him a car. I did try and subtly point out that what we spent our money on was our business, but she repeated the comment the next time I saw her.

[Merd]

Hands if you include mortgages and student fees maybe? This from the Money Charity makes me think it's extremely likely to be a fair statistic.

Wasn't aiming my comment at you as I tend not to notice usernames - but no it's not "just" luck. It's all luck. It is what it is. One dodgy heart attack or being hit by a meteor could wipe it all out.

"The same as I also know people who have been given plenty of opportunities and then pissed them up against the wall."

No. They didn't have YOUR opportunities. Because they weren't you.

We all have different personalities and chances in life based on our unique selves and upbringings and chances.

It's nice to feel good about ourselves and our journeys - I too came from a shit poor background - but so much of it is random chance and luck, yes.

[Cerea1killer]

We don't earn loads, but separately we both inherited prior to meeting and both bought property in quite an expensive part of London. Sold both those properties and moved somewhere a bit cheaper, which allowed us to get a family home with a very small mortgage. So although our income isn't huge (probably a lot less than most of our neighbours) our mortgage is very small. So we can have a nice car, and the occasional flashy holiday. As for debt, one credit card between us with a few hundred on it.

A lot of it is luck. We were lucky to graduate well before the last recession and so had secure jobs. Lucky to be able to buy property that massively rose in price? Well, yes, financially lucky, but people had to die for us to be able to do that.

[Basicbrown]

I think a lot of it is the people who bought houses prior to 2000ish. We are nearly mortgage free (late 30s) and I know others who are also. We don't have nice cars but that's because we don't care about cars and the dc trash them anyway.

[barabasiAlbert]

I totally agree about the luck. My description should've also said "both my sister and I have been very lucky in different ways. I have had the education and motivation that has let me make decisions that have let me do it my way; my sister has had an immense amount of support from our parents and has a high-earning husband, which have combined to let her do it her way."

[Alconleigh]

Agree with PP, a lot is property costs in my view. My friends who bought early in the SE and rode the wave of rising prices often have pretty small mortgages for nice places. I on the other hand am buying for the first time now, and despite a healthy income, am going to have a whacking great mortgage for a very ordinary property, meaning less disposable income.